On the covert/vulnerable/shy narcissist

Hello everyone, I am a newbie :) It's been 3 months of NC and doing better each day. Studying narcissism in-depth made me finally understand what type of person I was involved with..It was not easy though because he would not be the typically described individual according to the 'classical' description and the DMS-IV. Yet, his motivations and behavior were textbook narcissist. His mask, his image was what was different: he was the humble, 'spiritual' type, whose favourite words were "I am a good, loving person". The covert abuse was so subtle that there were times I was not even aware of it, other times I just found justifications for his behavior. It became more obvious though, when I got pregnant and developed a life-threatening illness linked to it: I vomited 40 times a day (sometimes blood), I could not eat, drink, move and within a month I had to be hospitalized as I was dangerously underweight and dehydrated. While he still professed his love for me, he also started making extremely hurtful remarks: that I was vomiting because unconsciously I did not want the baby, that I was not strong enough to be a good mother, that I was weak, had an 'ugly', 'dark' side, that I should be happy like his friends who had healthy pregnancies,...trying to make him understand my circumstances was an impossible task - I just did not fit into his idealized world anymore. A month later, he was nowhere to be seen - he spent more time with his friends, telling them how difficult it all was for him. Yet, he still professed how much he cared about me, while everyday he changed his mind about supporting my pregnancy or not. I ended up losing the baby. That day, he was with me, telling me how much he loved me and how he was going to stick around and help me recover. The NEXT day he left. He told me I could no longer rely on me - that after all I was not the strong, confident woman he thought I was. He said I was weak and needy. Yes, narcs are masters at kicking you when you are down. He never wanted to see me again, never offered any support, nothing. I made a fool of myself, chasing him for answers, at least closure. I never got any, yet he still insisted on how much he cared. I ended up having a mental breakdown and that was when HE went NC with me. While he insisted that I was in his heart, he also told me that he was the only one to blame because he always felt attracted to 'fragile and disturbed women' and that I was never his type, anyway... You can imagine the total shock. Where was the man who claimed to have the same values as me: of love, respect, integrity, responsibility?

So I was wondering if anyone here also had a relationship with the covert narcissist - the 'spiritual' type, who truly believes his 'good person' image while his behavior is just the opposite..

It is nice to be here. And thank you in advance for those who have the patience to read my story and reply to it :)

xoxo