Day 11 NC- shame

Snmp He has a mental disorder. He is not normal and what he does is not normal. Keep reading, if you must, about this disorder. It is an unhealthy connection you have with this abuser ¿what does it matter if he has a disorder or not+?. If it hurts it isn-t love. No truer saying. It is not a question of "good" or "bad". The "good" you perceived was just the idealization phase. Nothing more. The NPD can seem amazingly "good", "seem" being the operative word here. They have no sense of wrong or right, in the way we do. Everything is "the flavour of the moment". They are running on a script. Everyone is no more than an object. I think that I am putting NPD in a nutshell by saying that. Take care of yourself. Get help, because you will need it. Hermes

Do sharks know they're predators? It's a built-in component of their nature, so whether or not they're truly aware of what they do is almost beside the point. I personally think their behavior is a combination of uncontrollable impulses and shifting layers of dim (very dim) awareness, all muddled by a lot of delusion. In any case, the end result is always the same: no empathy and no consideration for the feelings of others. Indeed, they do not truly recognize the humanity of anyone outside of themselves. In fact, they don't even recognize themselves as human. They don't really get what "being human" means, though they are masters at mimicking everything from sympathy to taking a genuine interest in their targets in order to get what they want. That kind of expert interpersonal exploitation is as natural to them as breathing. It's how they've learned to get by in the world from early childhood on. It's as though their lives are a movie, based on the shallowest and most unoriginal of scripts, that constantly plays in their heads. They are the "epic heroes," wooing fair maids and slaying evil foes, as they flit from one contrived scene to the next. It's all very childish and ephemeral in nature. Much like your standard psychopath, they are possessed of a very limited set of primitive emotions -- mostly rage, envy, and pride. More complex feelings like love, compassion, and justice are simply beyond them. They never matured enough to develop that kind of emotional intelligence, if you will. Purely selfish pleasure- and attention-seeking impulses drive most of their activity. In other words, there's not a whole heck of a lot there, beyond an elaborate outward display. Inside, it's a grim wasteland, strewn with the irreparably broken shards of their shattered psyches. They avoid knowing their "true selves" at all costs, preferring instead to dwell full-time in fantasies of unlimited power and importance. Thus, they can never be wrong -- their behavior can never be challenged -- else their false sense of self is disturbed and they come face to face with the wounded and helpless animal within. They're pathetic creatures and beyond help, frankly. They will never change and your time is far better spent on nurturing relationships with evolved and aware human beings who are capable of love and don't live simply to callously manipulate others or bend them thoughtlessly to their insatiable set of desires.

well. Mine can rationalize from "kissing is not cheating" to (if i push enough) "having sex with someone else is not cheating". What is important is not his understanding of things like that. YOUR boundaries, YOUR rules. YOU know it was wrong, if he doesn't get it, then whatever. Don't try to understand him. Understand yourself.

Please stay NC!!!!! It is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but you MUST do it! Of course you will be thinking of him A LOT. You are a warm, caring person who cannot just shut off feelings for him. But make no mistake. He is NOT thinking about you, he is NOT feeling sorry for you, there is NO GOOD in him...He was never good. He is DISORDERED, twisted mess and he doesn't want help! In fact he's with someone else saying/doing the same things he was with you. They live for the moment. Please understand this.... Try to get you mind off of it even for a while and keep busy with other things. You can do it! Great job staying NC. xx