Day 5 Whoop whoop

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 3 - 3AM

Snowflake

Day 5 Whoop whoop

Laughing, sorry guys just bigging myself up here...never got this far before...and surprisingly I am not feeling like I thought I'd feel..I thought I'd be a crumbled wreck/head shed but actually guys I AM OK :).

Been reading lots, taking from it that its not personal, no reflection of me as a person how he behaved. Its opened some holes that I now realise need some work..but hey I am waiting for counselling and I might just come out of this a better person than I was before!

#2 Feb 3 - 3PM

Snowflake

Ok guys

Signing off for the weekend, hub no kids tomos day and night, I so hope it goes well. Sending you all cyber hugs, you have no idea how much each of your posts has kept me going x

#3 Feb 3 - 4AM

LightAtTheEndOf...

Snowflake one day at a time

Snowflake one day at a time hun, it does get easier... slowly. Concentrate on your beautiful husband. I read what you wrote about him in another post. You are very LUCKY to have him in your life, things happen and the Narc happened but you HAVE a HEALTHY man in your life. Many of us struggle with healing alone and thats ok, you are healing but you also have a good man by your side. The counselling sounds great, good luck to you xx

#4 Feb 3 - 4AM (Reply to #5)

Snowflake

Thank you Light

My hub is lovely and I have issues I need to address with why I let the N in. I am NC and intend to stay that way . And I do realise I am fortunate in not being alone, although sometimes its hard having to fake it at home when you feel like curling up. Hiding my addiction, but I am determined, thank you for your kind words x

#5 Feb 3 - 7AM (Reply to #6)

HelpMeHeal

Snowflake, I feel the same at

Snowflake, I feel the same at home. Always faking it. Must stay strong for hubby/kids but would rather be in the fetal position in a condo by myself somewhere! So hard but headed toward one month NC and trying to face the issues that cause me to stray in the first place. What a dummy!!

#6 Feb 3 - 7AM (Reply to #7)

Snowflake

Helpmeheal

I feel so damn guilty, so ashamed every time I look at my family. Its just horrible. I have two fold grief Grief of being used by N Grief for putting myself in that position and letting my family down I want to make it better with my family (they dont know and I have decided not to tell hub). I know the arguments of selfishness but I have two children 12 and 10 and I just cant do it. I am a person of good morals, the affair didnt sit right with me but you know what its like when you are with an N. You just feel so damn alive at the beginning that you gorget everything. God feel wretched for what I have done.

#7 Feb 3 - 8AM (Reply to #8)

midnight7

The past is the past - it

The past is the past - it cannot be changed but you are in control of where your life heads now. Embrace the challenge! We can all feel alive without needing validation from outside sources. Love is a verb, a verb of action, we can demonstrate love by being present and there for our partners/children but also by being our own firm foundation first. Ask every day - am I living the life I want to live, am I the person I want to be - if no, change. The N = a living death, suffocation, stagnation, torture, shame NC = peace/sanity/reflection/insight/healing/freedom/change.

#8 Feb 3 - 8AM (Reply to #9)

Snowflake

Midnight

Thank you, I am trying to look at past is past..I honestly havent decided not to tell hub for selfish reasons, I am so low right now I dont care about me. I just dont want to break the family unit and my marriage could be stronger than ever with work invested and my own personal healing. Your post really touched me, I go away for the day and night with hub tomorrow and I just need to get my head in the right place. Writing my list on here is so painful but necessary to stop me going back. Day 5 is mega for me its the furthest I have got so I am trying to put things in place to ensure I never go back.

#9 Feb 3 - 8AM (Reply to #10)

midnight7

Dear Snowflake, it is really

Dear Snowflake, it is really hard work recovering from a N. You were obviously already under stress with marriage concerns before you met him. We tend to punish ourselves again and again over things that cannot be changed and yes, we should feel remorse/guilt/shame, an appropriate amount, for what we've done wrong/how we've hurt someone - that's why we seek to do better, change, make amends. Ns never change. We can and are able to change/grow. I hope you and your husband have a wonderful time just focusing on each other. When your therapy appointments commence the issues that are still deeply affecting you can be explored in great depth and assist you with processing and healing from all as well as the self-guided knowledge/steps/coming to the forum that you are already involved with. Keep strong!

#10 Feb 3 - 4AM

Snowflake

Spoke too soon

Home having just had an anxious attack at thought of going to work..I used to text a lot from work..maybe thats the association..it has something to do with N though as not felt like this since I was bullied at junior school..and gosh that was over 30 years ago.

#11 Feb 3 - 8AM (Reply to #2)

aquabella

It's day to day, hour to

It's day to day, hour to hour, isn't it? N and I did most of our communicating during the day at work since we were both married, so just sitting in my office was a trigger. But since he's blocked, at least you won't be sitting around waiting for that communication from him Work is a good diversion if you can fight through the initial anxiety. So proud of you for getting to day 5! I'm back to day 2 of "proper" NC grrrr. Let us know how your day goes. xoxo Lynn

#12 Feb 3 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

Snowflake

Hi Lynn

Day 2..good for you girl, keep going, with you all the way. Yes these changing emotions are awful, I go from guilt, to elation that I am day 5, to anger, to sorrow hour to hour its crazy x

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews