Did the N talk so logical to you, you start to question yourself?

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#1 Jan 14 - 1PM
Dee30
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Did the N talk so logical to you, you start to question yourself?

My exNbf would always including the last time I talked to him like he was so calm, so rational, so logical, so honest....I start to question sometimes..wow maybe I'm being overdramatic. Just the way he talks to me always got to me. Like he was talking to either a crazy woman or young child. He would say stuff like "Listen, Dee, ______" so calmlly, and I always felt like an idiot, like he was all there while my mind was all over the place. Do Narcissists do that? Or is that just me. He just has that way of making everything seem fine, and that he is right and I am always wrong, and mostly I was the one that end up apologizing and I never can figure out if he was the one that should be apologizing! it's so confusing when I think back...

Jan 14 - 8PM
IncognitoBurrito
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Yeah

Absolutely, and all of this logical,"What are you talking about? None of that happened!" As if I had perceived entire situations wrongly... that crazy-making bullshit...
Jan 14 - 7PM
heritage
heritage's picture

Omg so true. He made it seeem

Omg so true. He made it seeem like he was rational, collected, on the ball. HJe was quick with the tongue. Called silver tongued where they speak in a very articulate , makes sense sorgt of lingo. I was constantly questioning myslef after his tongue lashing. He did it to throw me off base and sadly a lot of times it worked.
Jan 14 - 4PM
Journey
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To answer your question, YES.

To answer your question, YES. I questioned myself for a full year after the break-up before finding this website and learning about NPD. My exN almost ALWAYS seems really together, calm and logical. Until I can look deeper into the way things are said and the actions that follows his words, it is hard to see their true meaning. What you are saying is that he was often condescending to you, treating you like a child or a crazy woman - not very nice or respectful in reality at all. Gas lighting done with an intention to mislead, project and GET you to doubt yourself. That is VERY narc-like.

Journey on...

Jan 14 - 3PM
ruby01 (not verified)
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Dee30

I experienced the same. If you notice they are very calculating and therefore don't do or say anything without first thinking it through. When I would challenge him, or he didn't have some text book response. I noticed he would pause, or take drink, to collect his thoughts before responding. If you totally throw them off, they just lose it and rage, walk off, hang up, or do something to immediately end the conversation. They have to be right which in their mind means you are wrong. They have to be in control.
Jan 14 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

ruby01

ur rite..he always did seem calculating when he would respond and when he didnt get the desired response he would yell and hang up and give me the silent treatment till i begged him to talk to me and then i apologized and just accepted any nonsense he had to say...omg makes me sick i can't belive what he did to my head..
Jan 14 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
bgirl
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Haha YES the silence before

Haha YES the silence before the slaughter. Pondering before they pounce. Calculating before they carve you up! (shiver)
Jan 14 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
janemarie
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OMG YES!!!!!!! Always the

OMG YES!!!!!!! Always the pause then BAM.... (haha...I like the shiver expression)
Jan 14 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
WorthMore
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Exactly. So brutal. The silence,

Exactly. So brutal. The silence, the tense feeling like there's something not right, and when I finally asked what was the matter, BAM! Rage, pure rage, over something that might have happened days before, or happened a couple of times over months. I always felt like he had just been stewing about it non-stop for days to have exploded like that...because he was unemployed and not seriously looking for a job, he had IMO way too much time to stew.... he seemed to get super calm right after too, as if he had gotten some sort of natural chemical high after the outburst.. It was frightening. Shiver is right.
Jan 14 - 2PM
bgirl
bgirl's picture

Oh yes...the condescending,

Oh yes...the condescending, 'now come on B, don't be like that' or 'B that's not how it is..' Yeh right! Lies, condescension, manipulation all wrapped in cool, calm, collected and martyr like facade. :P
Jan 14 - 2PM
abreva
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illogical logic

I was with the EXNH long enough to learn him, and realize that the “calm” was a false front. He had training in his profession to be Calm, but as I began to wake up and reclaim myself and draw boundaries – he became more and more lunatic in response. I could tell he wasn’t really calm. The tense lips. The agitation. The desperate shifting of approaches to dominate and control me. It took years of drama for me to learn that there was no Dr. Jekkyl – there was only Mr. Hyde. He was always crazy – and Dr. Jekkyl was a suit he wore. He got worse at hiding his true self to me. I stood up to him. I told him No. I told him he was a liar and a cheat. And it made him angry. He couldn’t hide his anger. And when I shut up and listened - and didn't argue with him - and he would ramble on and on in that grand way about how great he was blah blah blah (which he could do for literally HOURS if I didn't interrupt) - I could see how false he was. He would show himself when I shut up - because he truly thought he was Awesome and that I was buying it. I could see his narcissist wheels working (although I didn't know what to call it at the time). The Logic was so illogical. So many lies. You can dress up a lie to make it look pretty, but it’s still a lie.
Jan 14 - 1PM
Im_always_fine
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No most of the time he didn't

No most of the time he didn't make any sense he would come at me from crazy directions but he was ALWAYS so adamant about what ever it was. I couldn't figure out WHY he was saying those things...was he lying?...was he crazy?...did he believe it?...why did he want me to believe it? He couldn't convince me of the things he wanted to. And would fight me illogically. He says things that didn't make sense. Which flipped me out. One WEIRD thing he does is he takes MY stories. I mean if I tell him a story about an experience I've had. If it's a good one sooner or later he retells that exact story but makes it about him!! He's even told my own stories back to me...I just stare him the whole time like," Are you kidding me? Did you forget who told you that story? That was me!" No...he doesn't make any sense...and it's exhausting.
Jan 14 - 1PM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

That is part of their

That is part of their mind-fu... games!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine did this alll the time!!! Makes him look like the rational one after youre ready to rip your hair out from all the torture and emotional pain he just put you through!!!! They are so calculated and manipulative!!!! Its nothing but games....aka....ABUSE!!!!
Jan 14 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Dee30
Dee30's picture

ok thank goodness I'm not the only one

yeah It realllyyy confused me ALL the time. HE ALWAYS looked like so calm, so nice, and I'm left bewildered, like what happened just now?..even I felt it wasn't right I was left baffled by his collected demeanour while I felt like a mad woman...from the stuff that HE did, but me apoglozing for being out of control??? man it is so confusinggg..
Jan 14 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Alissa
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Always, always apologizing,

Always, always apologizing, trying to get back into his good graces... :( He would always act like he had EVERY right to be mad at me
Jan 14 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
missym
missym's picture

Most narcs are also passive aggressive

Which means they disown their own anger, and through their constant control, mind games, lacking empathy and inability to honestly communicate with another who may not agree with it all....it comes across smooth, condescending, like they all have their shit together. That is - until - you disagree, question, ask them to show up in the relationship, validate you....then RAGE>>>>>>
Jan 14 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
janemarie
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Rage and then the silence

Rage and then the silence that would last for days!!!!! Torture and punishment!!!