Did you ever get a "creeped out feeling" about them during the relationship?

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#1 May 6 - 7PM
Amazed
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Did you ever get a "creeped out feeling" about them during the relationship?

I mean where he just went "wham,,there is something not right here,,this is scary!!!"

I had the feeling a couple times, but discredited it to me being "oversensitive".

1. We were in the elevator one day,,I looked over,,he was looking straight ahead,,his hair was overly long and uncut,,he looked dull, grey,,and scary fear came over me,,,I said to myself,,man,,this guy has a creep aura about him,,better look out"

2. Looking at his drivers license,,his picture he looks like a convict.. that was the first thought that entered my mind,,,he looks like a convict..no smile,,,just a cold stare...

3. Riding with him on his motorcycyle,,,he took me to the forest preserve,,he said "do you know how many people have been dumped here",,,odd statment,,,we pulled over,,,,he took off his shirt,,,stood there in his "wife beater" and jeans,,,and held me,,,,gave me a look,,,,that was like he suddenly "morphed" into some creature that I had not met before,,,I felt a cold chill,,,and said to myself,,,this guy has the "build" of a con man,,,,,he asked if I wanted to go fool around in the grass,,,was like,,,um.....ahh,,,you know,,,no,,,thanks,,,,

I had VISIONS or strong feelings that he was a con man,,,did you ever have that flash experience?

May 9 - 10PM
ice queen
ice queen's picture

Creeped out feeling by those

Creeped out feeling by those little comments that just don't add up. They are vague yet have an aire of intimidation. Or are so grossly inappropriate you think they are JOKING but they are NOT? I will never forget telling my exN about how horrified I was that a woman I previously worked with was beaten to death by her husband. He laughed. When I responded by telling him I didn't find it funny in the least (not angry...just matter of fact), he became the pillar of support and concern. We were checking out at a convenience store once and the woman asked him if he wanted a bag for the items. He responded, "No thanks I already have one" and pointed to me. He later apologized (of course) and said he didn't know why he said it, didn't mean it, etc. But he did. It was meant to be one of those things that linger in your head and you try to "interpret." Creepy is when they have no feelings - other than frustration and rage - when their needs are not getting met or they are not getting what they want. Creepy is how they can do such cruel and hurtful things intentionally and get off watching you reel from the pain. Creepy is how they tell the same things to you to other women - sometimes at the same time! Ice Queen

Ice Queen

May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #49)
grossot
grossot's picture

oh yeah

MIRROR ALERT! MIRROR ALERT! Came across a notecard I had saved since we were dating. He wrote me: "It is said that man cannot truely love unless he is loved back, and that how I know I love you" http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled
May 11 - 6PM (Reply to #45)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

IceQueen that is intense,,,,

My exN used to feel like the Kingdom of the Convenience Store Syndrome,,,,the random comments (he thinks he is complimenting you with these comments,,,or like jestures of putting his hand down your shirt in a public place,,,um,,,nice,,,,,,but um,,,,ew!!!!!! NOT! Any woman WANTS to be treated with respect!!!)... They get very impulsive in their comments,,,and turn face on you instantaneously,,,,,,in love with you,,the most impassioned kiss imaginable,,,,,,,,ooooh,,,,wait,,,,,,,they want to,,,,are ,,,,texting their,,,,daughter,,,,someone,,,business associate,,,,and come back to you,,,,, That is creepy......creepy now that I think about it,,,,I have also experience,,,DEEP creepy SCARY weird,,,,,,where they have an AURA (spelling?) about them,,,,,cold,,,chilling feeling,,,unusual,,,not good,,,
May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #46)
Susan32
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Looking into the void

Nietzsche once said that if one looked into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. Definitely that way with my ex-N. A friend of mine asked how I could "read" his eyes. I'd say that I'd see nothing there. Not boredom, not excitement... just nothingness. It's no surprise he creeped people out.
May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #47)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Looking into the void,,,and that others give them their identity

It is said about the psychopath that they constantly need others to "give them their identity" and that they hate to be alone,, I think they enter this state,,,the void state,,even when they are with the intimate closest people in their life,,,it is like they are always on the hunt,,,you can feel them leaving you when they do this,,,eeire,,,,,
May 11 - 7PM (Reply to #48)
Susan32
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Serpent eyes

My friends would ask if I could read my ex-N's eyes. I never could. It was like looking into a black hole... and my friends saw him as that, sucking away life, energy, happiness and joy. His body language was more of a "tell" than his eyes ever were. My ex-N was a blank. A sad irony is that as a philosopher, he was so much in awe of his mentors he couldn't see them as human, and that he parroted them. He couldn't write anything original. When people asked him challenging philosophical questions that required creative thought (and flexibility), it always left him stunned. A philosopher who couldn't think for himself... isn't it ironic?
May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #44)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ice queen

you need to thoroughly read the NARCSPEAK section at left then the entire MY BLOG section, also at left ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #42)
Susan32
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Can we be cruel and hateful to them?

After my ex-N D&D'd me (and I found out he had a girlfriend from LA)... he was the one acting scared because I had caught him in his lies. Coldly, calmly, I told him he had WANTED to see me get angry at seeing the OW... and joked snidely about the mud wrestling pit at the upper dorms. Coldly, calmly, I told him that he had ENJOYED seeing me upset and in tears... that got him creeped out. Coldly, calmly, I told him that I empathized with him, that I had felt his feelings... he cried "violation." Coldly, calmly, I EXPLAINED his actions, his selfishness, his lack of an apology, that he got off on hurting people. It SCARED THE HELL OUT OF HIM... and I enjoyed it. I acted as coldly and emotionless as he had with me. Very matter-of-fact and clinical. It was fun playing the therapist. I was onto his game... the house had won!
May 9 - 10PM (Reply to #43)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

nope

we can't can't hurt a ROCK or a non-human ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 7 - 8PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

My friends hated him

That SHOULD'VE been a red flag. But, from all the fellow posters here, now I see that I was "under his spell." He was preying on me. His colleagues avoided him;my friends hated him--and it turned out they had GOOD REASONS WHY.
May 7 - 7PM
tasha
tasha's picture

.......

Yes!XN boyfriend wanted my daughter to call him Daddy!and always told me how beautiful my daughter was. Understand we wernt together long enough and th relationship wasnt solid!it creeped me out! Now maybe that was my over active maternal instinct, but I am a survivor of sexual abuse and there was just something plain creepy about that! she's just turned 3 and hadnt turned 2 at the time! I don't know I never wanted him to meet my family or children, because I never knew where I stood with him. Not safe, not happy always miserable.
May 7 - 9PM (Reply to #32)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

Good for you for listening

Good for you for listening to your intuition!!! My daughter was sexually abused. It all came out after ExN left...turns out one of creeps was a neighbor. ExN used to go over there to drink and plays darts to all hours. I tried to move even before I found out because the family was not a great influence, but ExN would never agree. Her forensic interview was inconclusive where ExN was concerned but I've never gotten over the feeling he has something to do with it.
May 8 - 3AM (Reply to #33)
Healingnow
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Of course sanctuary

HI, imo of course you exN was something to do with it. Probably arranged it. What were the circumstances?
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #34)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

After ExN moved out, several

After ExN moved out, several people told me they thought my daughter was acting differently. Some even asked if I thought the ExN could've done something to her. I didn't know how evil he was then. I talked to her and she finally told me about this neighbor guy touching her. He was disgusting...50+ I didn't tell ExN at the time because I didn't know if it was true. I was afraid if it wasn't I didn't want to accuse someone. The first therapist I took her to was worthless. She didn't tell me what I should have been doing and she didn't report it. She kept telling me until my daughter actually tells her she couldn't do. F--kin BS!!! She finally said something to a teacher and I found out there was a second person touching her, a teenager, a friend of the kids next door, yes same house, house of evil. I took her for a forensic interview at CHILDHELP USA, awesome organization by the way!! They recommended an excellent therapist and she's done very well with getting through all of that. It was inconclusive if her father had done anything but here's the parts that always worried me: She often would fall asleep with me because Butthead was "working" at the bar. He got mad that she was there when he got home and he had to move her back to her room. He'd come home from work or even after dinner and go next door with the owner and the gross guy and a few others and play darts and drink til all hours of the morning. I could hear them from our bedroom. I wouldn't let them do it at our house. He'd rather be there than with his family. What made her feel that this type of attention from men was OK? She was 5 or 6 or so when this was happening. After ExN found out why didn't he do something to the old asshole next door? Butthead's first response when he found out was to proclaim his innocence, even though no one had accused him of anything. He said he "knew it was coming" so he was just protecting himself. He took her to our Pediatrician with out me and had him do a physical exam, but she had never claimed any penetration. The Dr. didn't even want to do it. He's really disliked ExN ever since. When I asked if her dad had done anything like the other 2 she replied, "Does that mean I won't get to see him anymore?" Over the years she's had a lot of nightmares about him. She even had one a few days ago about him stalking her. Sooo...sorry this is so long... but because she never said he did anything to her there's nothing the therapist could do. She now says when we've talked about it, she doesn't remember practically any of it. She admits she's blocked "forgotten" a lot of the stuff that happened with her dad. I've never been able to get over the feeling he was responsible for all of this.
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #35)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

well then he was

Then he was responsible. He sounds just the type with his friends next door.... He didn't flip out when he was told. He said 'didn't do it' without being accused. He took her to the docs (or did he) and your daughter said 'does that mean i won't see him anymore', thats cos thats probably what he told her when he did what he was doing. Otherwise her answer would have been 'no' Don't get what you mean here? 'What made her feel that this type of attention from men was OK? She was 5 or 6 or so when this was happening'. Did your daughter used to go round next door with your exN? I worry for her, I hope that she deals with all this now or her life will be so difficult in future. If she sees him now without you then he has access easily. Sounds like you know the score anyway. I just think that people don't realise how common sexual abuse is and they prefer to think that it doesn't happen rather than it does. This gives the predators so much scope.
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #39)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

i agree........

i agree that if you ever suspect them of anything......ANYTHING....then you're almost assuredly correct in your assumptions......especially is you're assuming something horrible about them
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #38)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

Thanks for the

Thanks for the validation... She refuses to see him, ran away from him 2 yrs ago and saw him only a few hours a week since. Now refuses to see him at all. Fine by me!! She did therapy and knows she can go back any time as needed. Doesn't show any of the behaviors of being molested Thank God!! Does well in school, no drugs or alcohol, not promiscuous, does Karate... These creeps have that entitlement. It's way too common!!
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #36)
Scooters Mom
Scooters Mom's picture

Im not so sure.

Mine found out that his daughter was being molested by her uncle and he never said anything to the guy and they are still friends and we see him often and its no big deal to him. I would kill him if it was my kid!
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #37)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

That's sick and child abuse

That's sick and child abuse by BOTH of them, not to mention CRIMINAL!! Can you report it anonymously? She needs to get help. How old is she? The only reason I didn't do any thing to the sick bastard was that could've left her with ExN and no one to protect her.
May 7 - 1PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

family of alcoholics...

the psychonarc's mother and father were both boozers.....his old psychonarc hag of a mother drank wine in a box..probably without even taking it out of the box......and his father drank cheap hot rot gut vodka out of a water glass..straight up....and the psycho followed in is footsteps...he too drank cheap rot gut vodka....straight from the bottle..... and his sister always did the same.....drank cheap rot gut vodka straight from the bottle..... his mother was also a hypochondriac and a pill popper.. so the psychopathic apple didn't fall too far from the tree... however, somehow his father managed to be a high respected and very successful dentist...who had a thriving business on the country club plaza in kansas city for 38 years...... and yet the psycho couldn't even deliver a pizza......
May 7 - 8AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mine WAS a convict....

he'd served a year in the Leavenworth Federal Pen for selling cocaine...but he'd been looking at 25...guess he tattled out everyone he'd ever known..... but......he didn't look like a convict...he looked like a YUPPIE...he looked like a little chubby yup....in his little Polo glasses...his Polo shirts...his Polo ties.... he looked like a little trust fund baby......he WAS a little trust fund baby...until daddy cut him out of it because he couldn't stay off the BOOZE....... he looked completely innocuous....he was the kind of guy you'd look at and think....man..i could take this guy to the mat...he's a wuss...he looked like a wuss........... he wasn't just wearing a MASK...it was a complete costume..head to toe.....
May 6 - 10PM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes

When I saw through his act, it lasted about two minutes but it was the creepiest thing I have ever felt. I was thinking who the hell are you trying to be right now, it was like he was a totally different person. His eyes always gave me the chills too, one time I had shut my eyes during sex and when I opened them he was looking at me with black piercing eyes exactly like a crazed animal rapist that is the only way I can describe it, when I opened my eyes and saw that he quickly closed his eyes, so that tells me he was hiding his true self because his mask was off. Oh and yes, con man all the way, slick, cool, smooth, -- but in the beginning he was Mr Humble and Mr Gentlemen then he turned into a porn director.
May 8 - 10AM (Reply to #28)
Scooters Mom
Scooters Mom's picture

merry go round

once while we were arguing about a conversation we had, I asked him how the whole thing went down and he couldnt tell me anything that was said. Just that he felt like I was disrespectful. He even said "you tell me what was said" How could we argue about something that he didnt even hear or remember? It was always frustrating arguing with him and then apologizing in the end.
May 6 - 9PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Yes, I did. Many times and I

Yes, I did. Many times and I too wrote it off to being too sensitive. On our first date, I looked over at him and said "You will hate me one day". It was really weird and came out of nowhere.
May 8 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

What my future ex-N said

He gave me understatements of the century- "I've hurt a lot of people." "Don't get close to me." Talk about prophetic...
May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Dirt....

Mine ex N told me when we first started talking on a movie site just out of the blue that he he felt he was dirt...Then 2 days later started telling me he was in a very shady relationship,he was trying to leave....At that time i wasn't involved with him.so what a heck why not let him vent and maybe give him some support?He sounded very sweet...yes like some poisons are.....

Aceonelady

May 8 - 7PM (Reply to #21)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Susan32

sounds like he was bragging ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #22)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Boy,I prefer the usual narcs who think they're good

And it's not even worth bragging about(!!!) No wonder one of our fellow posters here thinks my ex-N put the cray-cray in the CRAZY. In the end, I ended up looking sane. No wonder the Mayo Clinic recommends cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, or family therapy for narcissism (if one has the STRONG DESIRE to change) And it has to be caught early...
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

CBT for narcs

I HAVE NEVER MET A CREDIBLE PSYCHOLOGIST WHO CAN TREAT OR CURE NARCISSISM EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 9 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Even the Mayo Clinic admits it's difficult

The Mayo Clinic is a credible source. They bluntly say that those who have NPD don't commonly seek out treatment anyhow... and that they'll end up blaming the therapist instead, or those who take them to therapy. Plus, it's VERY INTENSIVE. It's almost like AA. People at Alcoholics Anonymous DON'T consider themselves cured of alcoholism. They have to confess to it every week, be accountable for their own flaws and mistakes, and say they can't cure themselves, only a Higher Power. Narcissism is a bigger problem than alcoholism to tackle--because you can't take away a person's license because they're narcissistic.