Disappearing Act

15 posts / 0 new

#1 May 10 - 1PM

marlaoryx

Disappearing Act

I've been in NC for 4.5 months. Mostly. Once, about 3 weeks in before I realized he was a Narcissist, I reached out trying to repair the friendship (I thought) we had before the love affair. No answer there...until 5 weeks later I get a text from him, curiously within the hour after I posted a blog post asking an Ethical question that, no doubt, made him feel threatened. That was the proof I needed. Right there. I didn't respond.

That was now two months ago from that text.

A few days ago a friend told me that Nex didn't show up to an event. He was one of the guests of honor, and he just didn't show! This friend also told me his FB page is gone, etc. I never look at his FB, Twitter, etc., because I just can't.

Now I'm worried about him. Stupid. I know, but I am. It's making me doubt that he's this monster and maybe he is the man I loved. Is this common behavior for Narcs? To disappear and change directions, jobs?

My husband tells me it's because he has realized that he couldn't control me and feels threatened, so he's hiding in his little hole until things are safe again. Thoughts?

Funny, but the cartoon man on Lisa's books could *be* my Nex, if he was about a foot shorter and a little heavier. Otherwise, dead ringer.

#2 May 10 - 5PM

Ladydb123

Well I Did IT

For many new members, I am sure you don't know my story, and it is OK. An old male friend of mind sucked me in......... Broke NC last friday after 16 days. He and his son were suppose to attend our old High School Annual Community Event, that we have all gone to for the last three years. Well, they were both No Shows. All our close friends kept asking me if I had talked to him. I said No because of going NC. Only a few of our mutual friends know that we had developed a close Friendship and don't know what has happened between us, I don't think. Many were concerned because this is his son's Graduation Year. My Narc Friend has been so very proud of his son graduating and going on to college. I was concerned about both of them and I know that he has Other women....I guess it's my CD raising it's ugly head. So, I called him, it was about 10:30AM and I was surprised that he answered. He didn't sound well at all. I basically explained to him that everyone was concerned that he and his son had been missed at the event. He said that he had been sick and didn't remember getting any notices(I don't believe that)and that his son didn't update/tell him the night before. He started to tell me some "Whoa Is Me Stories" about his family messes, but I cut him short, told him he needs to take care of him self and ended the call. He was just my friend by the Grace of God... I was able to resist his seductive ways. If I am making any sense here I still need help......Now I am angry at me for caring......

#3 May 10 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

Ladydb123

By nature, I think it is safe to say that many if not all of us here in this situation in part got sucked in because we are kindhearted, loving, compassionate people who try to "see the good" in everyone. AND by habit, nature whatever, this is ingrained in us. I'm so bad that I've lived in my building for 13 years now and have been snubbed by a few neighbors for years. I say hello and I'm greeted by the STONEface...and for 13 years this happens, and I don't keep a record of wrongs, and sure enough I run into some of the stonefaces and still say hi. It's unconscious of course, I'm not walking around holding grudges but I feel like such a jerk cause I'm like how many times will it take until I remember to wear a stone face when in the elevator with so-and-so... I don't think you should be too hard on yourself? It's unfortunate that you had a lapsing moment in memory - and that this particular friend is a user - but don't beat yourself up too much, just try to remember, NC is probably in your highest good. Hugs!

#4 May 10 - 6PM (Reply to #13)

Hunter

Lady

All I can say is, Any contact is a bad thing. I know you had good intentions, But they are slime. Hunter

#5 May 10 - 4PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I think he's doing it for attention.

Mine used to say he was going to stay away from FB and not post anything anymore to see if anyone noticed. This was during periods of time where he seemed to be depressed and I now know he was feeling deflated from not getting enough supply. Most of his "friends" on his list are women and apparently he felt he wasn't getting enough attention or that nobody really cared about him. He would be very melancholy and say, nobody would miss him, nobody will notice. Of course, this was a ploy to get supply from me and to "test" his friends. Who will notice he's been absent for a number of days and inquire about him? This would invariably invoke PM's, texts or phone calls from people wondering if he was okay. He also used to threaten to deactivate his account completely, but he never did. He also never stayed away for very long like he said he would. The first couple of times he said this I thought he was serious, but then I didn't believe him anymore and saw it as a cry for attention. He also used to say if/when we were ever together (permanently and not a LD affair), he wouldn't need FB anymore, it would hold no interest for him. So here he is with his new perfect OW (old supply of 25 years ago) that he's hoping will be his "forever girl" and the one he "ends up with," flaunting her all over FB and putting on a show for all his friends. If he's so content and busy being happy with her, why is he still on FB? Because he still needs the attention, but it's just in a different form now.

#6 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

marlaoryx

FB

Mine deactivated his FB account. Then he reactivated it 2-3 weeks later with a big "I'm back!" Now it's deactivated again, my friend tells me. I didn't look, although I did look to see if his secondary FB account was deactivated, and it was. Likely for attention. Needs so much supply.

#7 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I have mine blocked on FB

so I haven't been able to see his postings for the past 8 weeks, but I know he still has an open account and posts things on there. I can tell when a mutual friend posts something and it will say "see all 5 comments" but when I click on it to read the thread, there will only be 4.

#8 May 10 - 1PM

SoaperGirl

My narc did the same thing - Silent Running

He wasn't on FB or that sort but he did abandon his website.. after having a major hissy fit screaming "I was insane!". Major meltdown. I admit during that period when he was doing a lot of bragging and self-promotion on his website about him and the OW, I was continually harrassing him and calling him out on his comments. After that, he went dead silent as far as I can tell. Not a peep. I kind of figure he's laying low, quiet in the shadows until he feels its safe to come out again, and go on the prowl/attack again for NS. I don't quite know what is going on. It's just a guess. I think he ran scared like rabbit, the coward that he is, and went into hiding. JMO. If anyone can venture a better guess or theory, I'd love to hear it.

#9 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

marlaoryx

Silent Running

I like that. Silent Running, like the coward he is.

#10 May 10 - 1PM

Hunter

It's all part of the

It's all part of the insanity, if your lucky he's gone for good! Now he wants attention! they never really disappear! Hunter

#11 May 10 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Deidre40

agree with hunter...without

agree with hunter...without even reading what she wrote, so i must be getting better at detecting their bull. he wants attention. period. And they prey on women like us...who give it to them. Because we are nurturing, they take advantage.

#12 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #3)

marlaoryx

Nuturing

No doubt. I've been so worried about him ever since. Stupid, and likely part of his games. I figure it's one of three things: 1. What you said. 2. He's just *above* such small con appearances now, which is likely what he's telling himself regardless of the real reason. 3. He's too ashamed as his behavior to show his face near my friends. Still. Weird he didn't even cancel. Just no show. And, there it is, he's back in my head. Fucker.

#13 May 10 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

Deidre40

To just not show as a guest

To just not show as a guest of honor...prime example of his arrogance. One thing, if he was in an accident...something. Someone would have heard -- something. But, this is just another game. Let me drop off the face of the earth and see who chases after me. Keep droppin'!! marla...please don't go chasin after him! Trust me...it's what he wants. Someone should buy him a playpen complete with rattles and bottles strewn about inside of it...and have fed ex deliver it. Anonymously. lol That might be funny, actually.

#14 May 11 - 4AM (Reply to #5)

marlaoryx

LOVE IT!

The playpen thing. Brilliant. And you're right about the arrogance!! How rude! He didn't even tell anyone, just didn't show. And you're right, if there had been an accident, someone would've heard something. I won't chase after him. I'm better now after reading more on these forums. Anytime I crave contact or start really missing him, I only have to come back here to realize how lucky I am that I got away when I did. I also realize what would happen if I did let him back in. These forums are amazingly helpful. Thank you all so much.

#15 May 11 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Susan32

Tell him HOW MUCH you want to see him...

Then be a NO SHOW! Without explanations. I've been tempted to do the same thing with college reunions.... send the ex-P a lovey-dovey, weepy, tell me how I *PINE* to see his handsome face again, that I've spent the past 11 years bawling for him... oh, then NOT show. Without any explanation. He did THE SAME THING to me so many times. I totally agree on the playpen thing. I have a baby nephew. My brother in-law and the ex-P's father have the SAME NAME. They BOTH went to Harvard. I'd send a playpen to the ex-P... and claim it was a little accident. Because accidents happen.

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