Do any of them have male friends?

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#1 Aug 31 - 5AM
jujubee
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Do any of them have male friends?

I'm just curious. My N NEVER mentioned any friends that were men. He told me all the time about all his women "friends.". How about the rest of you?

Sep 1 - 10AM
frances
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friends

Mine only had women friends and it made me NUTSO. He slowly introduced them to me as techie, nerdy friends and swore up and down platonic. Over time I discovered he slept with most of them or had emotional affairs with them....totally crossing the line and confiding in them about me behind my back. Not one male friend which was always SO weird to me.
Sep 1 - 9AM
jen79
jen79's picture

just girls and exgirlfriends

I swear, there is not one "friend" of him, he hasn't slept with, all of them are either exgirlfriends or ex-affairs. The one he is calling "good" friends, he is still hooking up with them, I am sure. And if he doesn't, then just because they don't want to. But they are still involved with him, for what? I mean from their perspective? I guess they are still seeking validation in that friendship zone, and I guess it's easier to stay in the denial and pretend to be "good friends" (I doubt that he has one decent, genuine friendship) than facing the truth of being used. I realiized that all of his exgirlfriends he still "good" friends with are somehow still a good supply. They either comforting him in being "a decent and good guy" by being so understandable and compassioned, or they are somehow a good label he can add to his self image like them being artists, actresses and models. Or he still gets some buisness connection through them. It is never unconditionally or genuine. I guess thats why I was dropped like a hot potato, I am not an actress, nor am i an intersting artist, nor am i important or involved in his actor hollywood world. The only focus he ever had on me was sexually - or better put, that I craved for him sexually and that I suffered from him withholding attention and that I had passion on him "and made him happy and made him feel great". The moment I stopped this - and started questioning him - I was out. I mean I could send him (last time he contacted me): I am afraid to get hurt again, please dont do this to me - and he ask send me boobs....I mean how crazy is that?????? ok, thats off topic, just had to let it out.
Sep 1 - 10AM (Reply to #35)
wholeagain
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Jen

Your comments are sooo familiar. All women friends being exes of one form or another, and all something like: "brilliant writer" "promising actress" "gorgeous swimsuit model" etc. Unless of course they aren't interested in him they become: "not my intellectual equal" "wanna-be D-list actress" "dumb as a post model" The ex swims in the same waters as yours it sounds like. And boy are they shallow!
Sep 1 - 10AM (Reply to #32)
helldweller
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jen79

Honey, I just wanted you to know I got those too. I would beg him to stop hurting me, beg him to let me be free, pleaded with him to have mercy on me and my children and he would text "I want pictures."
Sep 1 - 10AM (Reply to #34)
cluelessuntilnow
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Pictures

On the phone with him for an hour arguing about how he treats our child. he knows I am at a poolside.Hang up the phone, 2 minutes later get a text "Wish you would send me a photo". Reminder, he is married (to the woman he is "completely in love with") and at the office "working".
Sep 1 - 10AM (Reply to #33)
jen79
jen79's picture

helldweller LOOL

LOOOL you just made me laugh. I mean I go like: My heart is aching every minute, I went through hell cause of you, I never missed, loved, hurted so much in my life before, you cannot come closer to hell than this, I just want to smile again one day, please leave me alone, please dont hurt me anymore. And he sais: Oh my/send boobs. If you'de read his interviews, especially the actual ones of his new show, lots of psychological stuff in it (he plays a psycho cop - what a suprise) - you would never ever believe, that this decent, humble, interesting and so reflective person is capable of being so cruel. YOu would think it must be me.
Aug 31 - 7PM
lynn61
lynn61's picture

jujubee

i realize after getting away that he has, and still has, almost none. i think it's because the woman has to become all consuming, their everything (supply). and other men are not a good source of supply if you think about it.

really??

Sep 1 - 2PM (Reply to #30)
Used
Used's picture

lynn61

other men see thru all there bs, and n said to me i dont do men freinds, one of his mates said to me, everything he said to him goes straight over his head, all his !mates are lowlifes as well.
Aug 31 - 7PM
positivefuture
positivefuture's picture

mine always has one best male friend

who was super sweet, usually handsome (more handsome than my n) but super needy. needed a place to live, financially unstable, but a good heart. the friend would be completely devoted to my n and my n would help him. let him live at his house, give him money, buy him a car and whatever he needed. my n is very masculine, and the friend is always masculine as well. he doesn't seem to have any gay tendencies at all. just loves supply in any form. also, i think the handsome but struggling friend acts as the perfect wing man. he attracts women and then n can swoop in because friend is down and out...or friend gets a woman and the woman and fix up n. strangely, he has NO female friends except his nanny...who he treats horribly and rages at all the time. she is unattractive, happily married, and my n seems to have no interest in her except for supply (she is extremely devoted to him as well and he has her totally brainwashed). hmmm....
Aug 31 - 4PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Hardly any...

The ex-Psych professor had little or no male friends his age (except for the professor with whom he shares an office) His colleague who attended graduate school with him ALWAYS looked embarrassed in his presence, as if he were subconsciously saying "YOU again???" He treated male students better than female ones... and this college had more male professors than female ones. Go figure. He used to have a circle of female professor admirers, but they eventually drifted away. However, he managed to keep a circle of young male disciples for all 4 years. They were stoners/drunks,wearing wife-beaters and nasty jeans. Of course, he was the opposite, the metrosexual, beret-wearing "philosopher." He was the senior essay advisor of one of these young men... who eventually gave up philosophy, moved to the Northwest, and changed his name.
Aug 31 - 4PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My N only has female friends

My N only has female friends and a lot of them are ex girlfriends that he's kept in contact with behind my back. He only hangs around women. I always thought that was weird.
Aug 31 - 4PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My N only has female friends

My N only has female friends and a lot of them are ex girlfriends that he's kept in contact with behind my back. He only hangs around women. I always thought that was weird.
Aug 31 - 3PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Why of course NOT!

that would be competition for prey! they dont like any competition. Remember its all about them!
Aug 31 - 7PM (Reply to #23)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

No Male Friends

I think these Ns prey on maternal instincts. Also, guys see through their nonsense.
Sep 1 - 8AM (Reply to #24)
tigger73
tigger73's picture

oh boy does this hit home!

oh boy does this hit home! When my ex nh found me he just "knew" what a great mother I would be....... and he is right because I love being a mom, BUT, I see now that I would be serving a purpose and "making him look good". And normal guys do see thru their BS. So true.
Aug 31 - 2PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Two that he spoke to. Chris

Two that he spoke to. Chris who is a drug dealer and Reed (best friend) who is a Thief, addict and alcoholic. He kept them from me for the most part. In Reeds defense he did attempt to warn my that i was making a big mistake in being with the xN. Should have listened to his best friend. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 31 - 6PM (Reply to #21)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

uhmmmm.... reed??? that

uhmmmm.... reed??? that scarey. that's the only maloe friend in town of my N-i swear...
Aug 31 - 4PM (Reply to #20)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Yeah Betty

that was my N. Pretty much the same people as himself. You can always tell about a person by the company he keeps. One of his strung out loser friends, which I didnt have a personal problem with per se, told me something like, "dont believe N, he is so full of shit."
Aug 31 - 2PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I found that they

"know" alot of people but they arent real friends they are people he knows thru some common interest. Mine had alot of older friends. I think because he feels less competion from them
Sep 1 - 8AM (Reply to #18)
tigger73
tigger73's picture

yep, my exhn only golfs with

yep, my exhn only golfs with older friends.....like 60's and 70's, he is 38. I could never figure that out. He has no other male friends, just fake, superficial relationships where he is acting all the time. There is nothing of substance.
Aug 31 - 2PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I found that they

"know" alot of people but they arent real friends they are people he knows thru some common interest. Mine had alot of older friends. I think because he feels less competion from them
Aug 31 - 10AM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

same here. one or two from

same here. one or two from college the rest are x lovers
Aug 31 - 10AM
hopefuljms
hopefuljms's picture

Mine had 1 from college and

Mine had 1 from college and that was it. I wonder if men are less susceptable to their crap than women are. Most figure it out pretty quickly that these guys are delusional. My exN boyfriend and I worked for the same company and a few weeks ago a friend of mine called and told me that I was the only person that liked him. That everyone else thought he was a loser and a pathological liar. I even think the only friend now realizes what a loser my ex is. Interestingly my ex always worried that no one would show up at his funeral....now I know why!
Sep 1 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
Used
Used's picture

hopefuljims

my n said that, no one would show up,forhis funeral no one would put something in the local paper , to say anything about him. they know what they are. i have always believed this and always will.
Aug 31 - 8AM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Yes

and he has some friends that he's known most of his life. But they only last if he can be the clear alpha. If he can't, he will D&D them in a heartbeat. He chooses men who are either much younger, followers by nature, men who think they have a lot to learn from him, those that are easily manipulated or have weak boundaries, low self esteem, etc. Virtually no peers. To hang out with him you have to be cool with him pontificating and hogging the conversation. And some people are really entertained by that or like I did, hang on his words because they sound so dang smart (and a lot of what he said was smart). He also loves to hang out with gay men, because as he says they're more likely to like the same things he does (shopping, clubbing, fashion, high-style travel, interior design, etc.) Someone can be a bff after first meeting, then of course he hardly remembers who they are a month later. One of his favorite digs about me after the breakup was that I never see anybody, while he keeps up all his many and varied nationwide friendships (i.e., he's popular, I'm not). No dude, I finally just learned discernment when it comes to who I trust and spend time with!
Aug 31 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

male friends

He had them but I think they all were gay. I was allowed to meet most of them, except for one, who he point blank told me I would never meet. I would see them once or twice, and then I would see them by chance and they would say they hadn't seen him in a year or whatever. He kept them at a distance, and it seemed to me that he D&Dd them, too, and then reeled them back in.
Aug 31 - 7AM
WellRed
WellRed's picture

My HN has no male friends to

My HN has no male friends to speak of. He has a few business associates that he calls "friends", but they never get together or discuss anything except business. The few friends he did have, he has alienated. I feel sorry for him. He is very jealous of the close relationships I have.
Aug 31 - 6AM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

friends

My ex N only mentioned one guy,his golf and pc buddy but really i never saw him! I know he was in his sixties,divorced and 1 son(ex N wasn;t sure of him being a father,and he was his friend?WTF !!!!the only one that called him was a ex female co worker trying to get him to play a pyramid game,and his cousin that lived in California....And onc he told me to stop calling him,otherwise he would have to change his cell number and he didn't want to do that because he had hundreds of phone numbers from people he knows....yeah RIGHT...and i am CLEOPATRA...

Aceonelady

Aug 31 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Male friends..My BUDDY??

My Husband always speaks of "a buddy of mine" EVERYWHERE.. Buddy of mine that works here there and everywhere yet, no names. There is a few friends that I have met, one, I hated and he hit on me so he is gone. One he grew up with and their MOMS are friends but he didnt see him inyears, so he came over a few times..next thing you know the two of them golf every Friday. I liked this friend and I still talk to him but my husband had issues with this friend so now he is my friend. Others are just fake. These ppl cant keep relations
Aug 31 - 9AM (Reply to #8)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

ooh wow on the "buddy" term...

'N' used that term alllll the time! - each time he "knew where I was", etc. -- come to find out he'd placed the "Parental GPS tracking feature" on my phone (phone that was on his plan when we lived together). I have my own phone and own plan now that I am on my own and that feels GOOD! He only had ONE male friend that I knew about, and he'd messed that relationship up too. ~~~~~ “The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don’t give them,” --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf :)

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.