Do Narcissists Have Unresolved Feelings For Their Ex Wives?

I think many of them do. Mine certainly did. All he ever talked about was his ex and his life with her. It made me feel like shit... My ex this, my ex that. My ex was so beautiful, she was so tall. She has her masters in chemistry. I was so fed up this one time I spouted off and said "Well I'm NOT your ex." He was not amused to say the least.

narcs have unresolved feelings about everything!!! IN FACT UNRESOLVED IS THE BEST DESCRIPTION I CAN FIND> they are unresolved about their sexual orientation, unresolved about whether single or attached. unresolved about whether they should turn left ot right. In fact you were chosen to make all these choices for them, then they will hate you for that. Its a lose-lose situation and its the shittest job in the world. Ive never been so glad to resign from it. NARCS ARE ALL UNRESOLVED TURDS>

The ex-Psych prof was the same way about his colleagues&his students whom he routinely badmouthed. He knew he was dependent on them, yet held them in contempt. Very unresolved. He even had the jealousy/admiration complex when it came to his father. His idol, Leo Tolstoy, had unresolved feelings for Sofia, his WIFE OF 48 YEARS. In his final letter, he idealizes Sofia as an angel of purity, but also blames her for his behavior. I'm sure if the ex-P has brought me up, it's that confusing, cycling from Madonna/slut/angel/demon because that's what he did with me in person. Even during the final D&D, I'd be asking him WHY he was angry at me, HOW I had acted "inappropriately", and he wouldn't say why. He expected me to hate&admire him SIMULTANEOUSLY! He seriously asked for that. That demand practically gave me a migraine. It didn't make sense.

I'm not sure if they really know what they're feeling or if they are even capable of feeling the way we do. My exN (father of our two children) likes to foster arguments about really trivial things and goes into narc rage occasionally. Our children have witnessed this and they will do practically anything to avoid conflict with him. In public, he has either scowled at me or ignored me. He does the same silent treatment to his two sisters. Likely they called him on his behavior... I think they must know on some level that there's something wrong with them and that makes them uncomfortable. They look for someone to accept their "bad feelings" so they can feel good about themselves.

Unresolved feelings. That's a good question. I don't think they 'feel' like we do. When we break things off with these types, what I think happens is simply us vs them. (in their mind's eye) I have seen this in stories I've read on here. Seems to be a strange type of competition with a narc, after a break up. My ex, when finding out I was dating...announced HE was dating. And so on. The harassment you are experiencing, I think, is tied a little to that, and that they never really fully 'let go.' They keep that connection as a way to keep control over us. I have read that, and have come to experience it. What control? Even if it's just controlling our thinking...you're thinking about him, even when you don't wish to. They are sick and disturbed people, indeed. To give you an example...I've lurked on a website we belong to. I no longer do. It got to a point, where while it seemed to have lessened, he was still throwing out one liners here and there, that were designed to hurt me. Get my attention. I grew bored of watching it. Grew bored of watching people who I thought were my friends, rally around him, and stroke his ego. I can't say however, he doesn't pop up in my mind. I think as we heal, that gets less and less...BUT. They want to make sure they stay on our minds...what better way than to harass us, bait us, etc. It sucks you have to deal with him. I'm sorry about that. But, good for you in creating and maintaining boundaries. The long/short of it is. To me, they don't have unresolved feelings...they just want to stay on our radar screens, so as we don't forget them. They can't bear the thought of old 'loves' dismissing them.

Control.

we have such similar situations it made me laugh. I have two children (he's the father) and I rarely acknowledge anything he does. I probably reply to about 3 texts a year. I not only don't want to know him, I don't want his grubby shitty personality and views anywhere near me or the children. He too harasses me either by taking me to court, sending rubbish for me to see in the post (mail) and texting for a reply that after 3 years he should know I won't do. He also has a new victim. I think the only feeling here is CONTROL. He wants some sort of control back. Never going to happen.

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