Do they ever sit and think we want them to contact us?

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#1 Oct 9 - 12PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Do they ever sit and think we want them to contact us?

I admit im still struggling along this path...today is another tough day. I told my therapist yesterday I just felt stuck. Im not sure the therapist fully understands N's. He said this guy wants to keep running.

Like i have posted before in the past XN has made contact before now....this time he has not. He was the one to cut me off completely supposedly because of hurtful words I said to him. They were hurtful, but not unforgivable.

Do they ever sit there and think oh i bet she wants me to contact her? I was able to witness his last interaction with the online OW...and he said he would never contact her ever again...am I now in that category as well?

I know contact in any form will set me back...it just seemed in the past when he stayed in my life it was easier.

I also read an old journal entry last nite after the D&D in March...and he said that if I cared anything about him I would not kick him out of my life.

but yet it is ok for him to do it to me. I struggle with this... he said to me when i talked to him almost two months ago...he was going no contact for both of us because of the horrible fighting. (do i belive that.

Oct 9 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
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destiny

No. They never think about the needs or wants of other. They have poor impulse control and just do whatever they want whenever they want. Please Please - Loan your therapist Lisa's book. Or send him to this forum. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 9 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
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that is right i forgot about

that is right i forgot about the poor impulse control...makes sense because the last two D&D i said to N oh you took your two week break and he said I didnt even realize it. Im going to ask my therapist if he knows abo ut narcissism. He has said that my N is very attached to the ego and doesnt have the capacity within himself to understand his fault in relationships...is very manipulative. great a family member just told me it has been two months, no wonder my therapist doesnt understand...im still hung up on XN. no one gets it. thanks barbara
Oct 9 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
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destiny

I wish more people would suggest additional training to their therapists: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/certification-prg/therapist-training-i-ii-iii And loan them books like Lisa's! If they refuse - find a new therapist. 2 months down - 16 to go! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 9 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
destiny (not verified)
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I have a pretty good

I have a pretty good relationship with my therapist,even though im not sure they get N's... so I will ask at the next session. 16 months seems like such a looooong time. I think it would be easier if I didnt have health issues to deal with and could get out more. I hate that I just became another one of his victims when I never thought i would be one of them. This is sooo painful to go thru. Each one of us fit the same profile too..all had similar past...all sick with the same dibilitating illness. Will i feel better in four more months? I cant see going thru this right now for many more months. Please tell me it gets easier.
Oct 9 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
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destiny

I won't lie - especially to victims. I can't put a time frame on your healing, that would be irresponsible. I don't get out much either due to my disability. It does get better - when it will for you, no one can say but you MUST hang in there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.