Do you think he ever cheated on me?

17 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 15 - 8PM

sarah787

Do you think he ever cheated on me?

Right now I keep on replaying the time months ago when we were still dating. It was around the winter holidays. We both went out and we got in a fight, because he just got back from traveling for his job. I had that gut feeling something was off. We went our for some drinks, and on the way home I opened his center compartment of his new car and BAM there was one condom in there. I had been on birth control for over 3 months.

They were the same condoms I had bought with him months back that he use to keep in his old car. But it didn't make sense to me why he would move only one of them to his new car. He first got angry and defensive. Then told me they were in the bag his brother gave him. Then when I told him that didn't make sense, because the condoms were the ones WE bought..he told me he honestly doesn't know how they got there, and told me he would take a polygraph.

AND I BELIEVED HIM!?

Now I'm sick to my stomach..and angry..cause I really think he cheated on me? What do you guys think?

I guess in someways I wish I have complete evidence he cheated, because that would help me with the cognitive dissonance. I could really believe he was a bad guy. The uncertainty is what kills me.

#2 Jul 17 - 7AM

ewa

I am sorry to say it but

I am sorry to say it but there is big probability that he did. I found the condoms once in my exN bag when we were on some trip and staid in the hotel. I have ignored this fact as he didn't like to use them with me, so i thought they must be old and he just did not take them off the bag for a long time. It was just on the beginning of our relationship and i still trusted him. However i finally broke up with him 1,5 and then almost 3 years later and the reason for our broke up was cheating. So now i think this condoms he had in the bag meant there is a problem at that time already.

#3 Jul 17 - 6AM

imabloke

That gut feeling

I agree with everyone here.. it's that 'gut' feeling. I knew she (ex) cheated.. but i denied it all at the time. Once the scales fell from the eyes, its painful.. but we have to go through it to get to the other side. I can hold my head up now knowing what an abusive relationship (if you call that) i was in. That night you (she) came home with suspenders on and G string wasn't a treat for me was it? blah blah It's good for me to get things off my chest i think we ought to have a page where we can vent our anger.. What do you guys think? Would it be helpful? It might help us deal with the crap...

#4 Jul 17 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

NancyM

imabloke

Vent right here...we are listening, and I don't think anybody here is going to invalidate you. So glad you are aboard. :)

Nevergoback

#5 Jul 16 - 8PM

Janet

He is a bad guy. The chances

He is a bad guy. The chances are yes, he cheated. I would not, could not, believe my N/P cheated. He was in Tahoe with a girl, went skiing with her, went to a concert with her, swore there were others there and that she was into another guy that was on the trip. Months later he told me that "the other guy" was not even on the trip and then he "apologized" for his Tigeresque behaviors. Just saying, if he is anything like most of the N/P's referred to on this board - he cheated. You do not need more proof. Peace. J

Peace. J

#6 Jul 16 - 7PM

Cgrl

cheat

Did he cheat-they all do. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Upside down. Sideways. He's a narc. Tells you everything you need to know about him. Don't go to the place that makes it about you. Has nothing to do with you- your character, integrity, looks. Nothing. All to do with him. He projected to you about the lie detector. Made you feel bad. Remember- he's a narc. Always a narc. Cheating. Lying. Its who HE is. Don't make this about you because its not. You are who you are- a woman with great intuition. Never doubt yourself or your feelings.

#7 Jul 16 - 5PM

AnotherPath

Sarah787

My honest opinion, when you get these thoughts, push them away. Say to yourself, I'm not going there and change the conversation in your head. You don't need to torture yourself, it will do you no good to even think about it, it doesn't change anything. Push them away and replace the dialogue with, none if it matters now anyway, I'm so glad I'm not with him, now I have a chance of starting my life over and rebuilding who I am. when the thoughts come back again, chant in your head "it doesn't matter anyway" "it doesn't matter anyway" "it doesn't matter anyway" "it doesn't matter anyway" "it doesn't matter anyway"

Ending the dance

#8 Jul 16 - 11AM

GIJ

Ah hah - that gut feeling

Sarah - keep a log of those moments of "gut feeling." That is what will guide you. That is proof that you have it IN you to take care of yourself!! Keep on listening to that gut feeling - that is what the truth is, always. The more you listen to your gut, the stronger you will get! That is wonderful news. You can trust your gut.

#9 Jul 16 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

Steph

"Keep on listening to that

"Keep on listening to that gut feeling - that is what the truth is, always. The more you listen to your gut, the stronger you will get! " I think this is SO true! This is probably by far the most important thing that I have learned.

#10 Jul 16 - 11AM

herlatestvictim

it was meant to be...

for you to find that condom! The universe will keep putting what you need to see in front of your face until you believe it.

#11 Jul 16 - 10AM

helldweller

Cheating

I never knew, still don't if he actually ever cheated or just did have platonic relationships with all of these women. Still could be gay for all I know. They could be mother figures. They could be anything. He swore all the time there was nothing between them, that "I have my friends and you have yours." I just don't know. They totally mess up, deliberately and undeliberately, any sense of "gut feelings" or intuition that we have, so we don't trust ourselves anymore. It sucks.

#12 Jul 15 - 10PM

Amy

ya know....

I have had that question myself. Always had a gut feel that he did (I caught him making plans to one time!). I kept telling myself he didn't. But I just got out of that - told myself to take the blinders off on that topic. There is a 99% chance that he did. So - if you have that feeling, he probably did it. I know it sucks, but if you allow yourself to trust your gut instincts, you will be better off in the long run!

#13 Jul 15 - 9PM

Steph

If you had a gut feeling -

If you had a gut feeling - trust it. He cheated on all his other girlfriends, right? The condom thing is susoicious, too. But like TNR1 said, he's still an ahole either way.

#14 Jul 15 - 9PM

lynn61

sarah

i believe uncertainty is part of what we live with in these situations. i think your gut told you exactly what you need to know. i have dealt with this in my marriage on more than one occasion and it wasn't until i trusted that gut instinct enough that i found out the truth. i was right every time. i think because of his reaction and your instinct that he probably did cheat. let it go though, because trying to figure it out will make you crazy-it is moot. please from now on trust that instinct and you will be in great shape. you are worthy of better! XXOO lynn

really??

#15 Jul 15 - 9PM

lynn61

sarah

really??

#16 Jul 15 - 9PM

TNR1

Why does it matter???

Honestly, he has shown you so many things about him that point to him being selfish if not a full blown Narcissist. Due to the fact that Ns are by nature, all about them, cheating is just another way of getting them what they need. They justify it by saying that "you" (main girl) aren't giving them what they need and so they seek it elsewhere. Forget that they never told you what they need..it's enough that you didn't supply it. Sick way of thinking isn't it? Could he have cheated? Yup. But he isn't good for you regardless of whether he cheated or didn't.

#17 Jul 15 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

I agree with everyone here

I agree with everyone here that you should follow what your gut was telling you at the time. Mine cheated and I'm sure I didn't catch it all. I know it's possible and I know it's something we would rather ignore. It's the reality of the Narcissist. It's sick!

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