dolphingirl story here and on profile

My life began with a narc. My father I now know was a narc and my mother had a PD. My father left his four children and wife when I was six. I saw little of him after this. He married quickly, adopted his new wifes two boys and lived what looked like a charmed and ideal suburban life. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw him. I was born on his birthday and never recieved a card or acknowledgment when it came around. Years later when I had two young children I started to have memories of sexual molestation with him. I went into therpay and discovered that I had been sexually abused. I wrote him a letter alluding to the abuse I suffered from him. He wrote me back and told me that I was a liar and that he disowned me. Two years ago, I heard that he died. I found his obituary online and found out that I was not listed as his daughter.
I got married young to a handsome ex-catholic monk who had also studied to be a priest. He was charming and kind and within the first year of meeting him I became pregnant. We married. I was twenty-one. A couple of years later I had another baby. My life with him was difficult and really a nightmare. He was gone most of the day and night "working". I rarely knew where he was, but I did know that he had many women "friends". He put me down if I wore make-up or nice clothes. I dressed in t-shirts and looked horrible. When I wanted to go back to school and finish my degree the emotinal abuse began in earnest. I did not work, I had no money and I felt trapped. I started therapy and went to 3 12 step programs for codpependece, adult children of alcoholics and incest survivors. I spent the next six years going to therapy and meetings. I eventually finished my degree and went on to get a masters degree. One day a woman called me and told me that I might want to know that my husband had been fired from a part time job for sexual harrasment. I later found out that he had been fired from another job for stealing and was taken to court by another job also for stealing. I knew he was seeing other women and I eventually told him that I was leaving him. He threatened to take the kids from me and bombarded me with insults, non-payment of child support and threats.
So after I left the marriage I met Pat, the worst narc I have been involved with. He was of course charming, successful, thoughtful and I thought I met the man of my dreams. I did not know how I got so lucky. I was in deep with him and then the abuse started. He would not call or come by when he was supposed to. He started to undermine my work and flirt with other women. Two years into the relationship I became pregnant. I went to his house to tell him and he was watching a movie. I told him, he said get rid of it and then told me to be quiet so he could finish his show. He later accused me of sleeping with other men and trying to trap him for his money. We were driving through rural Va. one day and he pulled over to the side of the road and told me to get out. There was nothing in either direction for miles. I started to cry and he went into a rage like a psycho maniac. He didnt throw me out, but a few days later I had an abortion. My mother was dying at the time from cancer and my youngest daughter just started college. I was a wreck and I told him that I hoped he burned in hell. He tried to get back with me for years and I did see him briefly about a year later but ended it after more abuse.
Two years after this I met Jeff. He was another charming and talented man. He was a musician who played with probably the most popular band in the 80's. He was well known and had written and produced music for the top vocal artists. His home was full of awards and platanuim and gold records. Almost immediately he told me that I was the love of his life. He had moved to the area where I lived after his father died to help with the family business. I met his family and they all seemed to like me and told me how much Jeff loved me. A year after we met we bought a house together, a year after that he asked me to marry him. Almost the week we married the trouble began. He quit his job that week to go back to music fulltime, he began to drink heavy and use drugs and he started to bring his gay friends around. We stopped having sex and I realized that he was a gay alcoholic. I was supposed to be his cover, cook, clean, work two jobs to support him while he was out all night, "playing music". One day he came home after being out all night and told me that the marriage was over. He said we had some good times but basically he was bored with me.
A year and a half after we split up, Pat came back into my life. I think it was through fb or emails. He called one night and asked if we could go out to dinner. He told me that there were some things he wanted to talk to me about. I went out with him and he acted so sorry for all that he put me through. He told me that he went to therapy and that he had changed. We started to go out and he was charming and said all the right things. I asked him about his ex-girlfriend and he told me that the relationship was over and he blamed he for their problems. From the start something was off with him, but I could'nt tell exactly what is was. He now owned his own business and had to travel internationally almost weekly. He had become very successful over the ten years that I did not see him and yet lived in a filthy rat hole of a house. Because of the travel I did not see him much. Basically we had dinner and sex maybe once a week or less. The emotional abuse began in earnest when I asked him if we could do something during the day. He was both alternately loving and cruel. One day I had the intuiton to check out his fb and I saw his ex-girlfriend was a friend. I googled her name and to my surprise I saw that she was his personal secretary and had been for the last five years. I realized that I was the other woman and that the secrets and not being able to see him etc were because I was becoming his new narc supplier. I somehow found this website when I was searching the internet trying to understand why and what was going on.
A huge light blub went off for me. He along with my father, first husband, maybe second husband were narc's. I have spent my entire life under this narc brainwashed spell.
I wrote Pat an email and told him not to call, email or get in touch with me. I told him that I had found out some things about him and wanted nothing ever to do with him. Of course he emailed me. But I have blocked with number, his email and fb. That was about three weeks ago.
I feel lost and like a huge mask has been ripped off my entire life. I am not feeling sorry for myself just really sad. thanks for reading all of this.