Don't be jealous of her... Feel sorry for her

I think one of the hardest parts of getting over these relationships is the way that we think about the ow. We fantasise about how amazing these people must be, how the narc is treating them so much better than they ever treated us, we question over and over again in our heads as to why he treats her better and play out scenarios in our heads of them having fun, going out for fancy dinners and having fantastic sex and it makes us cry and feel physically sick. We allow ourselves to put him back on that pedestal and imagine him as the loveliest, sexiest, most loving man we could ever wish for and we think that she is so lucky to be his princess and that its us that are not good enough and that the reason that we are not in the middle of that "fairy tale" anymore is because we aren't beautiful enough , or thin enough or clever enough.

The reality is very different.

Yes, we all know the routine they play out.... The early stages, the idealisation phase where it's amazing, you are the centre of their world and the sweep you off your feet. We've all been there and it feels great. When it happened to me , my mums partner , who knew of narc's family, told me to be careful and not to go out with him because he's not all that he makes out to be.... I ignored him because I was "in love" and no one had ever treated me so amazingly . I wish i had listened but we don't, we fall for it and before we know it, we are hooked. Now imagine how the girlfriend or partner before you is feeling about all this...... She is watching him move on with you and you seem to be madly in love and having the time of your life.... And her self esteem has fallen apart... She wonders what is wrong with her. Nothing at all!!!!!

It's not long before the fairy tale starts to fall apart for us and his mask slips . It was about 6 months in when I saw it first with him but I chose to try and fix it and put it down to one excuse or another . I continued to do this for 4 more years and even married this lunatic but then I could find no more excuses for his behaviour and you know the story..... You start to question things and the major d&d occurs.... You fall apart , question yourself, blame yourself , you hear the smear campaign and try to figure out what the hell has been going on with him, you hear that he has moved on and suddenly you are the ex, the one who's self esteem has gone.... Who is wondering what is wrong with you. Nothing at all!!!!

Seeing this clearly is the only way to truly move on yourself. He discarded you because you we're no longer available to play his game, and thank god he did because that means he knows you see him for what he is and wont put up with it anymore. If he hoovers.... It's because he thinks you might play another round with him NOT because he truly loves you and realises what he lost. Be glad that they don't Hoover because it means he knows you are strong. If he does Hoover then ignore and delete because you are showing him that you are not willing to offer him one second of your time.

We all become the ex in pain, the ow is just next in line. Feel sorry for her, don't be jealous of her.
Lots of love to you all x