Don't beat yourself up...why healing takes time

I wanted to share something I thought about this morning, as to why it seems to take a while to completely heal, and not have 'setbacks' as we recover from the pain of a relationship with a narc.

It's not just the narc you're trying to 'get over.' When I read here...statements like...'what's wrong with me, I've been 9 months NC and feeling weepy today,' etc etc...I thought I'd share why that could be.

The narc, in my eyes, is just a symptom of something greater perhaps that you need to 'fix' within yourself.

*childhood trauma and abuse that caused you to be attracted and stick with the narc for as long as you did. it was ''familiar'' to you.

*he or she is hoovering so you are reminded a lot of them

*you have friends you both once shared, that keep reminding you of the narc

*you have kids with the narc and shared custody, so it keeps you trapped to a degree

All of these things can keep the narc front and center in your mind...no matter how long you've been NC. But, again, the narc is a symptom of something perhaps greater. A void or a yearning for something more ...and you had filled that void with him/her, at one point. That person is no longer around, so now the void once again...is bigger than ever.

I highly encourage you to think of NC as a time of healing, not just from the narc relationship but from whatever it is that might be ailing you...before the narc came along. Looking back, I had gone through some things in my personal life, and the narcs (two of them) happened to walk into my life. Treating me like crap, I fell prey to it all.

Just something to think about. Be kind to yourselves. Healing...complete healing...takes a long time. ((hugs)) and have a good weekend!