Drama, complaining

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#1 Aug 9 - 9AM
tigger73
tigger73's picture

Drama, complaining

I have a question.....are most narcs constant complainers? I think of different aspects of the relationship and he just always always complained. About something. Mostly about his job, or about his parents, or the toys all over the floor, anything and everything. That is something I do not miss. I would have to call him like at 10 in the morning if I was having my parents over for dinner, because he would be so upset if I told him later in the day, so he had all day to be o.k. with them coming over. So messed up. Most of the time, I would call him and say, "I am sorry but I invited my parents over for dinner (they are wonderful people BTW...he used to like them and then hated them after he married me...for no apparent reason). And when I would call him, usually he would hang up on me, and then call back awhile later and say, "it's ok I guess". The kids and I still get nervous when the doorbell rings at our NEW house, because when we were with him, he would get so upset if ANYONE stopped by, came over, anything. It would send him into an anxiety attack and he would be mean the rest of the day. I could go on forever.

Aug 10 - 9AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

THE DRAMA

I would tell him he was soo much like his mom (who I now believe is also a N) Nothing in life was easy for him...everyone else had it better and deserve it! He complained about his friends & was glad to be away from them & then he would say I miss them soo much and need to go see them. He ALWAYS had to be the one to let people know if someone died, or got pregnant or was in the hospital. Then be pissy if I knew before he did. If something was going on in his familys life it was a major ordeal but when my dad had his heart attack it was "oh he'll be fine" but had to be the one to tell our out of state friends first! I am a very positive person and always try to look at the bright side of things..find laughter. He used to ask me why was I so positive except around him? DAH!!!! And all the signs he was cheating...my imagination Wanting to spend vacation together...well I want to stay longer & you can't cuz of work....so deal with it or don't go. I didn't go-kicked him out before vaca time. THEY ARE SPINELESS, SELFISH, LIEING, NO GOOD SOBs!!!
Aug 10 - 5AM
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

Translation: *N stomps foot*

Translation: *N stomps foot* WHY aren't you doing things MY way!! or *N gets all bent out of shape* WHY are you having IDEAS for something? Only MY IDEAS are good ones!! or *N pouts* you know, this was not MY thing to do so it's not a good thing to do so *wah* I just, well, just *wah* don't like it. or *N gives silent treatment* you had the nerve to make plans without asking me before the thought even entered your head so I could approve your thoughts before you even had them. Well, I'm not even going to talk to you if you can't think like I do.
Aug 10 - 10AM (Reply to #31)
Susan32
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Lack of ideas

My ex-Psychopath professor confused people because he hated, HATED criticism yet he couldn't come up with an original idea. He couldn't even whine "Only MY IDEAS are good ones!" He couldn't stand the Q&A session after lectures... because he was asked questions, not all of them that could be answered by quoting the text or being factual. He'd get OPENLY frustrated. When students queried him, he basically had a nervous breakdown. It's a "WHY are you having IDEAS?"
Aug 9 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Narc workplace

My former workplace of 5 years had TONS of drama&complaining. My Narc former boss liked complaining about everything (and he did have some legitimate beefs with the managers, they let the kitchen go to seed,while they lived high off the hog) He CONSTANTLY complained... but did NOTHING about it. He complained about the low pay... but did he get bigger salaries? No way. He complained about the 400 pound cook who dropped his pants in front of female coworkers... did he fire the guy? No way. My former boss, as well as the 400 pound cook who thought he was God's Morbidly Obese Gift to Women, both were HUGE complainers. I'm glad that drama is behind me.
Aug 9 - 7PM
positivefuture
positivefuture's picture

oh yay!

all mine does is complain and complain. he has kids, he works so hard, he never has a day off, the ex, this that and the other thing. when in reality his kids have a nanny, the ex does whatever he tells her to do, he works from home for about 2 hours a day...an hour and half of the two usually on facebook or trolling. he pays everyone around him to do all his errands for him so how busy could he be??? poor poor baby has 30 minutes less a day (the 30 minutes he might actually work) to masterbate or come up with yet another mindfu*k headgame for me. poor thing LOL and drama...he loves it even though he says he hates it. he's always creating drama but i just don't participate in it anymore. drives him crazy! like today, he sends an email saying he's soooo busy, no time, so he can't commit to a relationship with me and doesn't want to hurt me, but wants to talk about it tonight. so i reply (i know i am not supposed to reply) OK. i'm not sad or hurt or angry. i'll just be moving on. no need for us to talk then. best wishes. and he can't stand it because i won't play into his drama. so he emails me again...no baby, i still want to talk though about it. and i reply...nope. thanks for offering though. best wishes. HA HA HA take that ass!
Aug 9 - 3PM
Steph
Steph's picture

Complain? OH YEAH. Constant.

Complain? OH YEAH. Constant. His job. His parents. His friends. His house. His car. His garage. His colleagues. The waitress. The campfire. on and on. Neverfricking ending. And I, of course, pumped him up and always made him feel better lol They are nauseating creatures.
Aug 9 - 3PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Control

It's all about control. Making everybody jump through arbitrary hoops of his making. Intimidation--getting others to submit to his will (control again). It makes my blood boil to think how submissive & was . . . & still NEVER enough! My N used to suffer so much that he constantly demanded a divorce as the only means to end his pain my omissions & commissions engendered. When I finally agreed to divorce him, that was NOT what he wanted. I said, "You have told me for TWO years on a montly basis. ANd, I have done everything I can do to please you. I cannot do anymore, nothing is better than when you began demanding a divorce TWO years ago. Only worse." His reponse, he loved me, he was happy, he just wanted things to be better so that "we" (HE) could be happier! Such a LOAD OF CRAP!
Aug 9 - 3PM
nonnie
nonnie's picture

Same Crap

When mine wasn't complaining or creating drama, he was complaining about dealing with drama. "Why does everything have to turn into an argument?" Mine also used to love my parents but then after we were married and they would visit, he would refuse to leave his cave to even come say hi! It got to be so uncomfortable - how many excuses can you make to explain why your "perfect husband" can't get off his fat ass to spend 15 minutes with your parents? Mine also had a fit when people came over unannounced and God forbid they do it during a meal! He'd get up and take his plate and dump it right with them there. Even when I'd offer them food, he still wouldn't eat his once they'd interrupted him. But then after he'd created a scene by dumping his food and as long as they were a captive audience, you couldn't get him to shut up! I went through the bit where I'd try to anticipate any issues and deal with them prior to him coming home. That way the prince could relax in peace, that is until he created more drama because I'd cleared all the drama for him! I swear, if I could turn back time, I wish someone would've put him in a gunney sack with rocks tied to it and dump him in the lake!
Aug 9 - 2PM
NoNarcingZone
NoNarcingZone's picture

Cheese & crackers w/that WHINE?!?

My NH was NEVER satisfied & ALWAYS pissed off about something. He had the gall to tell me that "I" was never satisfied (projection). Ha! His Sgt once told me how much he detested the N & wanted to kick his ass during their deployment (Iraq) - b/c the N whined to him in front of other soldiers about drill time interfering with HIS gym time. Nevermind wartime in the middle of a desert. Popeye wanted his workout time...uninterrupted! Whatta b*tch...in uniform!

-------------------------------------------
"Soldier, don't confuse your rank with MY authority!"

Aug 9 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

protection

i used to protect them, if they said someone had said something bad about them i would say ,no they wouldnt say that[they would] but i didnt want to deal with the flack, if i agreed, so i supported them all the time, the times people asked me if the narc was psycotic; i would be so indignant for him, but he did look psycotic, he was called a psychopath to his face more than once, he was so upset, and i would calm the waters, this is something i do when i like someone, i am very protective, until i am "not" and when he started beign the real him i had no hesatation telling him what people really thought of him, it wasent just for peace, i liked him, but this little wormed turned and when i did i didnt take anyprisoners. he also relized how much i had been protecting him, and that scared the life out of him, that nobody had a good thought or word to say about him. even his girlfriend, when she told me about there ongoin relation ship, didnt even defend him, she called him a habitual liar and a disloyal boyfriend, seeing as she knew about me, i was suprised she said it, but not realy she was taken in with his lies as well. but one thing i know she wondnt protect him, she is to busy protecting herself, in fact i think they are 2 of a kind.
Aug 10 - 11AM (Reply to #23)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Protection

I used to defend my ex-P all the time. "He also realized how much I had been protecting him, that scared the life out of him"-My ex-P was the SAME WAY. When I told him (this was after the D&D) how much I had defended him, he was freaked out. He didn't know how to react. It was as if his brain couldn't comprehend it. I told him, "I stood up for you, I encouraged you, and this is the way you say thanks?" I let him know how ungrateful he was. "He was called a psychopath to his face more than once"-My fellow students said this about him more than once... they just didn't tell him to his face. As soon as I told him how he had acted like a jerk (and that students were calling him a jerk),he begged me to HATE him. He went into "please hate me" mode. Very weird.
Aug 9 - 10AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

And the "drama"

If he lied to me and I found out and got mad, it was "drama." If he cheated on me and I found out and got mad, it was "drama." If he left us home on Thanksgiving and went to dinner without us and I got mad, it was "drama." If he told me to buy him an engagement ring and then decided he didn't want it and I cried, it was "drama." If he didn't answer the phone when I was miscarrying his baby and I was devastated, it was "drama."
Aug 9 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

What a jerk he is

Thank god you are moving away. And yes, same thing here. I've never had a "drama" issue in my life. No one in my 46 years has ever used that term with me, because I am a calm level headed person. But these guys can drive Mother Theresa to DRAMA! And they DON'T SEE IT AS THEIR PROBLEM! When I found out he betrayed our relationship and used me for chick bait and cried for about 5 seconds and said "I would never do something like that to you...", he claimed I was bringing drama into the workplace. When he DD'd me for god knows what and I was upset and asked him to talk about it, he claimed I was bringing drama into the workplace, etc, etc. Basically we are not allowed to talk to them about our feelings. But.... They are allowed to be however evil they want to be to us, and we are supposed to just say "thank you, please hit me again". Any human reaction we have to being treated like sh** is called "drama" and then they blame us for it!
Aug 9 - 11AM (Reply to #17)
tigger73
tigger73's picture

that is absoslutely

that is absoslutely horrible, your last line. I am so sorry. here is something personal i thought of the other night..... before narc and I married, he had been with over 100 women. RED FLAG. Anyway, 6 yrs into the marriage my pap smear came back with severe dysplasia, 3 types of high risk dysplasia, (thanks narc) and so I had to doctor for that, and finally I took an all natural approach and started a really great supplement which helped a lot. So, 2-3 yrs after all this, and going back every 3 mths for paps, I was so happy it finally came back normal. I told narc this and he goes, "Thank God, I don't ever want to have to deal with that again", meaning the treatment involved not being able to have sex for a period of days in a month when I used these natural healing suppositories, that heal the cervix SORRY IF I AM GROSSING ANYONE OUT, I just want you to understand this in the context that it was, do you see, HE didn't want to have to deal with that, not,"God honey, I am so happy you are well and that must have been scary." Nope, it was just an inconvienence for HIM. What an ass.
Aug 10 - 11AM (Reply to #20)
Amy
Amy's picture

OMG!

I went through something similar last summer - my pap came up positive for high risk HPV. I had been with the N for 5 years, and we were broken up but still hooked up every couple of months. When I had the biopsy and it was fine, I told him about it. He said "oh, I wasn't really worried about it anyway." Nice... then like a month later he asked if HE could have any complications - he swore that HE didn't give it to me. I KNOW he did! I just found out he left me with some other issues - but again - when we were engaged he BLAMED ME! He was the one with the VIP membership to a strip club and I am certain he was paying for more than lap dances! Ugh! Anyway - good news is that my pap was negative for the high risk HPV this year. YAY! Just have the other crap to deal with, which is no big deal (not life threatening) but I prob will have to have surgery at some point. Right now - I really hate him. HA!
Aug 9 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Wow Tigger,

That is scary stuff. I recently went through it myself, only I had to undergo a LEEP procedure, in which they basically removed affected tissue with a tiny laser. It hurt alot,and it was emotionally uncomfortable, too. I'm glad my mom was there, too. My husbad was just glad they caught it in time, as they couldn't do surgery until after I had the baby (6 mos ago). I wish I had known that there were supplements that one could take to help heal, my doc didn't even mention that. But they did give me some good drugs for pain and I couldnt operate heavy macheinery for a while LOL! So as not to be off topic, I think that stinks that he was so unaware of your health concerns, just thinking with his penis, as per usual. Do they actually listen to themselves when they talk or is it just verbal diarreah to them?
Aug 10 - 11AM (Reply to #19)
Amy
Amy's picture

hmmm....

I may have to have a LEEP done for something the ex left me with. I may want to chat with you about that if you don't mind?????
Aug 9 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

he text me once calling me a drama queen, i text back saying talking of QUEEN,S how have you been narc lol.
Aug 9 - 10AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

complaining and drama

The last time my daughters and I were invited over to his house (March of 2009, by the way), he went completely insane because I didn't close the bag of chips the right way. I folded the top over and put them away. He rolled his eyes, took them out, placed the bag carefully on the counter, folded the top down four times, and cut a small piece of tape to tape the top to the bag. He said, "Oh, honey. I need a drink." When we went to his brother's house for Easter (after I screamed at him for two hours demanding that he take us) his brother yelled at me for putting a dirty knife in the wrong side of the sink. He looked at my narc and said, "Seriously, narc, why would a person DO that???????" Guess it runs in the family
Aug 9 - 10AM
WellRed
WellRed's picture

Oh Yeah!

He is convinced that something he had or something that he is going to have is better than where he is now. What a miserable SOB. I am so greatfull he lives accross the state Monday - Friday.
Aug 9 - 10AM
Amy
Amy's picture

Yes

Everything was always drama or bad. He'd complain about work, his friends, his family, how I was handling things at MY house, everything. It was constant complaining or nitpicking. It was odd that he complained about work - work is his life. He is 41 and is a VP now - his ultimate goal. He complained about travel, but he seemed to like it. He would say that he is not going to do this forever, it was burning him out, but it was his LIFE. When we got engaged he literally told me that his job would always come before me. Then why complain??? And like others, he told me I was unhappy and binging him down. Talk about projecting... I am a happy person (other than when I was with him) and he would often comment about it, asking how I could be like that all the time.
Aug 10 - 4AM (Reply to #11)
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

I HATE the projections !!!

I got the "You are SO selfish" line like every other day. And the funny thing is, I am SO not. Everyone I know, besides the N, tell me I do too much for others and I really need to put me first for once !! And I remember one time when he freaked the hell out and yelled at me for using my doorknobs as hangers. Now, I have about 30 doorknobs in MY house and I had 1, yes I said 1, purse hanging on the back of MY bedroom door and OMG you would think I had committed a crime. I too got the "you are all about the drama" over and over and that is so false. I would be 110% happy with NO drama whatsoever. Besides, whatever drama we did have, came from his cheating and lying, but yeah, I am the Drama Queen. Whatever ASSHOLE, good riddance !!
Aug 10 - 4AM (Reply to #12)
naivenomore
naivenomore's picture

Right on!

I guess he didn't like anything hanging on him LOL!
Aug 9 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Happiness in my life (TM)

"I am a happy person&he would often comment about it, asking how I could be like that all the time"-One of my ex-P's favorite queries was "Why are you ALWAYS HAPPY?" The corollary was that his favorite saying was "Only a fool is always happy." After the D&D, when I told him that I liked having lunch with him simply for his company, he took it as a colossal insult. If I were smiling, cheerful, he'd command me to "be serious" and accuse me of "not taking him seriously." Yeah, but then he'd withhold as soon as I attempted a serious philosophical discussion. He couldn't stand it when his fellow professors called him by his real name. When I told him that if he had been open about the OW, I would've been able to be happy for him, he again took it as a slap in the face. He snapped, "You want to be the teacher!" (whatever that means) I told him I always wanted him to find a companion to share his life, to find happiness, and that angered him. It's like I had crossed some line. Revenge plots can be complicated, and usually illegal. Who knew that telling someone that you desire their happiness is some sort of torture forbidden by the Geneva Conventions?
Aug 9 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

LOL

He was mad that you were trying to "school" him in the fine art of being decent to someone! You can't teach a retarded dog any tricks....
Aug 9 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The lessons didn't stick

He didn't treat his fellow professors... his social equals... decently. About 7 years ago, I saw an online essay by him, and he slams BY NAME two of his colleagues in the first footnote. Their sin? "Criticizing my original wording." That's how he thanks his editors. And he wonders why he's not as famous as Dear Old Dad. It disgusts me that I once wanted to marry and reproduce with this guy! I probably wouldn't be pro-life, that's for sure. "You can't teach a retarded dog any tricks"- He was kinda proud of the fact that his name is Hebrew for "rabid dog." Rabies causes dogs to attack friends and foes the same way, because their brains are that messed up.
Aug 9 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

lies

this remind,s me of one day he phoned and said if it cutoff,s i will phone you back[mobile] he used to put on 5pound a week haha, so it cut off and when he phoned back he said, sorry i only had 90pence credit left, and i said quick as a flash, so who did you spend the other 4pound 10pence on, and he went oh you have took me unawares, i cant think of a lie this quick,i keep forgetting how on the ball you are, as i am use to the dumbf;;ks, what of course he ment was the heavly medicated one,s, i said to him once so you have to drug them now. and yes he did disappear for a week for that remark.
Aug 9 - 9AM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Yeah

lot of dissatisfaction. I was so enmeshed with him that I was always trying to anticipate problems or what would irritate him and fix it. I developed some bad habits around that, lots of softpedaling information and things like that. Others didn't like how he'd be pissy either so they'd try to tell me things to deliver to him. Then he'd shoot the messenger. Glad to be away from that constant, constant stress and hypervigilance.
Aug 9 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

moaning

they never stop moaning and if there is nothing to moan about they will invent something, he said to me one day is ther nowhere i can get any peace, that noise is driving me mad, we were at an open air music festival at the time, nothing you do or dont do will please them,YOU ARE DAMNED IF YOU DO AND DAMNED IF YOU DONT.
Aug 9 - 9AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Constant complaints

My ex-Narc boss of 5 years was the SAME WAY. Unfortunately, he did have legitimate grounds for complaint. The manager was spending his big bucks on fancy vacations instead of fixing up the kitchen. Still, he would complain A LOT. A day without him complaining never really happened. He'd complain about my coworkers, he'd complain about the food (and he had really slacked on ordering the right stuff) But... he was NOTHING compared to my ex-Psych professor. He complained about EVERYTHING. How he wasn't recognized, how he wasn't famous, how nobody liked him, how he wasn't smart. He'd also tell me that I wasn't a happy person. I wasn't allowed to end a phone call with "have a nice day" or "have a nice evening"...no, I was supposed to say "bye" or "goodbye" WITHOUT EMOTION. He hated seeing me happy. He was the ultimate killjoy.