Encouraging Words from a Veteran Member
Encouraging Words from a Veteran Member
Happy almost fourth of July weekend everyone! I know I haven't been posting much. I'm working two jobs (HR and teaching) and had jury duty this week. Just catching my breath today.
Although I don't post as often as I'd like, I always catch-up on e-mails and PMs.
I received a very inspiring message from a veteran member the other day and asked her if I could post it. Below is her response and subsequent message that I wanted to share with all of you newbies.
Yes you may post this, copy and paste as I dont want others to know who it is from I am sure some of the old timers will know, if any of them want to personally PM me I would be glad to offer words of encouragement that might help them get through a rough moment. I remember when I was in such pain and relatively new to the forum I would read from the women who were recovered (for the most part) and I would think, OMG I will NEVER get over this, I will never understand why this happened to me; I was violated, betrayed, deceived and raped in every way imaginable.
Clearly though Lisa, this is indicative of what the disorder brings and what is manifested in their behavior. If you were chosen to be the victim of a PDI this is what you are going to get in some form or another, no matter what role he has cast for you in his life. When you are discarded and recycled its only because he no longer has the desire to wear a mask for you on a regular basis. I was drug through hell in all these cycles and stages. It seems the first half of the relationship he spent cultivating the mask, the second half of the relationship he threw the disguise away and you spend your time in such pain almost wishing he would put that mask on just one more time for you. When they Do take their mask out they once wore for you, dust it off and put it on, its NEVER the same as it was when he first wore it because you begin to see his mental disorder. Lisa if his masks were hung in his closet I know he has one with my name on it because it was created just for me. I think this is as close to "personal" as it becomes for them for each of us.
Interesting how I emphasize "mask" so much in my understanding of their disorder. I have a LIBRARY of literature; "People of the Lie" by Scott Peck, "Mask of Sanity", Hervey M. Cleckley, Mask of Sanity Robert Hare, Soul with No Footprints, Martha Stout, and of course WWLP by you know who....I am sure you have read these books as well in your extensive knowledge of this disorder.
Pink Floyd lyrics
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying
It is true what you state: When you reach this point you are deprogrammed and the pain is gone. THis must explain why I have come to such a place of peace these past few months. I still glance at the topics now and then on the forum it helps to relieve those feelings of Cog Dis that trickle in every so often, but for the most part my mind, heart and soul are at peace.
I have met women on this forum who come from all walks of life, that would only go hand in hand with the psychopaths who violated their lives. THis forum has served me for the past year as a "Group" therapy so to speak to express and share with others how our lives were nearly destroyed at the hands of a person inflicted with a SEVERE personality disorder. In many ways I have a deep desire to continue helping others achieve a place of peace with their experience but I feel I have already done that, if I could help just one person escape and see the light, I have served my purpose - to pass on what it takes to get to the other side.
As I reflect back at the stages of the psychopaths cycle of victims I believe the most damaging cycle is the "IDEALIZATION" stage. This is the first stage in where the deception and betrayal is cast, as this is the stage we have absolutely no clue in what awaits us. I believe we enter shock and denial when the devaluation stage enters the relationship, this is the point the mask falls and we try to make sense of what the PDI has become. When we enter the discard and recycle stage the pain enters along with the psychological torturing we were exposed to. At least this is my perception of the cycle from a personal perspective. Clearly though the whole sick relationship was a cycle and a con from the beginning to the very end. However in almost ALL circumstances it is US that must end the last stage, humans are not garbage to be recycled and love does not equate "supply" nor or we starving birds to be fed crumbs to feed a PDI for what he lacks in himself. What they will never understand is love in the form of supply is something they can never find in someone else, it must come from within. They will continue to search the world over for that, as this site will continue to receive new victims as a result of their dangerous disorder.
One of the most difficult aspects of this pathological relationship to recover from was the betrayal that I experienced, as I look back on that I realize now what I was promised he will never give ANYONE, who ever they are with it is a given they are living under some type of illusion, so I no longer view it as betrayal but more the incapacity of what they simply cant give because of their permanent disorder. I have followed closely a few women who have had the misfortune of living with them and they are NOT living the dream I was promised.
Lisa, we speak frequently of their "hidden lives" and how you never win with them. I too have had a secret hidden life and that was this forum, my hidden life was discovering what he REALLY was, and I most certainly did WIN in the end for I unmasked him for what he truly is and that pretty much kills every single psychological game he ever played with me. Reminds me of something Glenda the good witch of the wizzard of Oz said to the wicked witch, "Be gone, you have no power here, move along before a house falls on you too". I dont know why but I always think of this movie and finding my way home, like the tin man I needed to learn what the important things are to love in your life.
I just wanted to share with you what this graduate has learned, this site was my teacher and friend for such a long time. You should feel proud Lisa E. Scott, another victim was healed and is now victorious.
to the amazing graduate who
Amen ! , I totally get this
Love you, Scoop!