Encouraging Words from a Veteran Member

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#1 Jul 1 - 11AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Encouraging Words from a Veteran Member

Happy almost fourth of July weekend everyone! I know I haven't been posting much. I'm working two jobs (HR and teaching) and had jury duty this week. Just catching my breath today.

Although I don't post as often as I'd like, I always catch-up on e-mails and PMs.

I received a very inspiring message from a veteran member the other day and asked her if I could post it. Below is her response and subsequent message that I wanted to share with all of you newbies.

Yes you may post this, copy and paste as I dont want others to know who it is from I am sure some of the old timers will know, if any of them want to personally PM me I would be glad to offer words of encouragement that might help them get through a rough moment. I remember when I was in such pain and relatively new to the forum I would read from the women who were recovered (for the most part) and I would think, OMG I will NEVER get over this, I will never understand why this happened to me; I was violated, betrayed, deceived and raped in every way imaginable.

Clearly though Lisa, this is indicative of what the disorder brings and what is manifested in their behavior. If you were chosen to be the victim of a PDI this is what you are going to get in some form or another, no matter what role he has cast for you in his life. When you are discarded and recycled its only because he no longer has the desire to wear a mask for you on a regular basis. I was drug through hell in all these cycles and stages. It seems the first half of the relationship he spent cultivating the mask, the second half of the relationship he threw the disguise away and you spend your time in such pain almost wishing he would put that mask on just one more time for you. When they Do take their mask out they once wore for you, dust it off and put it on, its NEVER the same as it was when he first wore it because you begin to see his mental disorder. Lisa if his masks were hung in his closet I know he has one with my name on it because it was created just for me. I think this is as close to "personal" as it becomes for them for each of us.

Interesting how I emphasize "mask" so much in my understanding of their disorder. I have a LIBRARY of literature; "People of the Lie" by Scott Peck, "Mask of Sanity", Hervey M. Cleckley, Mask of Sanity Robert Hare, Soul with No Footprints, Martha Stout, and of course WWLP by you know who....I am sure you have read these books as well in your extensive knowledge of this disorder.

Pink Floyd lyrics
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying

It is true what you state: When you reach this point you are deprogrammed and the pain is gone. THis must explain why I have come to such a place of peace these past few months. I still glance at the topics now and then on the forum it helps to relieve those feelings of Cog Dis that trickle in every so often, but for the most part my mind, heart and soul are at peace.

I have met women on this forum who come from all walks of life, that would only go hand in hand with the psychopaths who violated their lives. THis forum has served me for the past year as a "Group" therapy so to speak to express and share with others how our lives were nearly destroyed at the hands of a person inflicted with a SEVERE personality disorder. In many ways I have a deep desire to continue helping others achieve a place of peace with their experience but I feel I have already done that, if I could help just one person escape and see the light, I have served my purpose - to pass on what it takes to get to the other side.

As I reflect back at the stages of the psychopaths cycle of victims I believe the most damaging cycle is the "IDEALIZATION" stage. This is the first stage in where the deception and betrayal is cast, as this is the stage we have absolutely no clue in what awaits us. I believe we enter shock and denial when the devaluation stage enters the relationship, this is the point the mask falls and we try to make sense of what the PDI has become. When we enter the discard and recycle stage the pain enters along with the psychological torturing we were exposed to. At least this is my perception of the cycle from a personal perspective. Clearly though the whole sick relationship was a cycle and a con from the beginning to the very end. However in almost ALL circumstances it is US that must end the last stage, humans are not garbage to be recycled and love does not equate "supply" nor or we starving birds to be fed crumbs to feed a PDI for what he lacks in himself. What they will never understand is love in the form of supply is something they can never find in someone else, it must come from within. They will continue to search the world over for that, as this site will continue to receive new victims as a result of their dangerous disorder.

One of the most difficult aspects of this pathological relationship to recover from was the betrayal that I experienced, as I look back on that I realize now what I was promised he will never give ANYONE, who ever they are with it is a given they are living under some type of illusion, so I no longer view it as betrayal but more the incapacity of what they simply cant give because of their permanent disorder. I have followed closely a few women who have had the misfortune of living with them and they are NOT living the dream I was promised.

Lisa, we speak frequently of their "hidden lives" and how you never win with them. I too have had a secret hidden life and that was this forum, my hidden life was discovering what he REALLY was, and I most certainly did WIN in the end for I unmasked him for what he truly is and that pretty much kills every single psychological game he ever played with me. Reminds me of something Glenda the good witch of the wizzard of Oz said to the wicked witch, "Be gone, you have no power here, move along before a house falls on you too". I dont know why but I always think of this movie and finding my way home, like the tin man I needed to learn what the important things are to love in your life.

I just wanted to share with you what this graduate has learned, this site was my teacher and friend for such a long time. You should feel proud Lisa E. Scott, another victim was healed and is now victorious.

Jul 2 - 1AM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

to the amazing graduate who

to the amazing graduate who wrote this post..I needed this tonight more then ever. You wrote so perfectly about what has happened to all of us and you have given me courage and a lot of my self esteem back just in looking at your words. Thank you
Jul 1 - 2PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Amen ! , I totally get this

Amen ! , I totally get this email . When i first joined this board i never thought i would get over the abuse and the unspeakerble emotions that come with recovory . But you do , you do ! and there is life after this journey .That Sunday afternoon when i went serching on the internet through a stream of tears for answers that brought me here was a blessing from God ..or the Goddess :) .. and Lisa, just very occasionally in this life someone comes along that you know they have something to tell you , i am so glad i listerned ..Im pretty cynical and think that most people have a hidden agenda but you have consistently proven youre dedication to recovory and goodness .... its been a hell of a ride but we got there ...Scoop xx
Jul 2 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Love you, Scoop!

You rock, g'friend! I'm so touched by what you said and totally believe that we were meant to meet each other. And you're right! "There is life after the journey" You have come such a long way, Scoop. You should be so proud of yourself. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with everyone here!!! xoxo