Ex N was sick, but I was sick too

If there is one thing i could say to him, it would be "i hope you enjoyed all that supply i gave, because you will NEVER again get any such thing from me!"

I was very sick back then. Those 5 years w him i consider the darkest days of my life. He sucked me down in his black hole w him, and i was clawing to get out. He took advantage of that sweet, naive little girl (deep down) that i was, looking for love. When we first met, my parents had recently moved to another state and my bf had cheated on me w another girl while i lived w him. He would leave the apt to go hang out w her. My mom had abused me for 19 yrs and then she took any and all family i had and left. And my bf betrayed my trust. I was so broken...

I was such perfect supply. My heart was broke. It is still mending. But i know now how i participated in his abuse. Hating all these OW, taking out my anger and excuses for him on THEM. the drama, cry fits. begging, pleading for him to spend time w me. The flashbacks i have remind me of how used to abuse i was and how comfortable it felt. But now, those feelings are foreign.

For the first time in my life - through therapy, this site, and taking accountability - i am LEARNING how to teach people to treat me. I dont think you can really put a price on that. Yes, many people dont have to Learn self respect and self worth -- but many of us here DO.

As truly painful as my relationship w ex N was, it opened my eyes to MY sickness. Sick attracts sick. And im on the path forward to a healthier life.