Excerpts from "Help I'm in Love with a Narcissist"

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#1 Jul 4 - 4PM
Steph
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Excerpts from "Help I'm in Love with a Narcissist"

Excerpts from "Help I'm in Love with a Narcissist"
by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol

http://www.narcissisticpersonalitydisorder.yolasite.com/help-im-in-love-...

Jul 5 - 8AM
Steph
Steph's picture

That part resonated with me

That part resonated with me as well. I also liked this part: "Many narcissists always have at least one foot out of the door of any relationship they are in, and they don’t want anyone to call them on their behaviour. They don’t want to be held accountable. They don’t want reality or a realistic process such as therapy or counselling to interfere with their way of operating. This is usually more important to them than any relationship. Once the relationship is over, you may still be second-guessing everything you do. You may be thinking, "If only I had done this-or that" Be assured that no matter what you did or didn't do, your narcissistic partner would have started dismantling you. Your relationship didn't end because of anything that happened. It ended because of who and what your partner is. "
Jul 4 - 4PM
Leah2
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this part especially rings true for me!

Relationships with narcissists rarely reach the plateau where a couple is arguing about anything real. When people argue with their narcissistic partners, they are usually complaining about behaviour that is primarily reflecting the narcissist’s unwillingness to be in a real relationship. Splitting up with a narcissist is particularly difficult because the relationship you were promised never happened, and you don’t know why. Since you never feel as though you shared a real relationship, how can you understand what did or didn’t take place?
Jul 4 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Bodhi
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agreed

This paragraph resonated with me as well. When I look back our relationship was all about potential, but we never truly became partners. Ironically, we broke up when I tried to have a real conversation about our future... kids, purchasing a home, etc... he couldn't handle it. As he mentioned to me on multiple occasions... he didn't want the "obligations" of a relationship.
Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
finallyletgo
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all the excerpts were right

all the excerpts were right on in describing how it was with my ex boyfriend who i believe is a narcissist. he woudl also say in the past that he didn t want the expectations of a relationship. everytime i thought everything was fine and that we were eventually going to move to the next step he would back off...it really did feel like the relationship justseemed to never move to the next level each time we were together and if i asked for more he would back off and finally i just let go. its amazing how alike n's are in many ways . whether covert or overt..ugh.. teh confusion self blame is awful to deal with after you leave and the manipulation of what they do to make youfeel sorry for them with there justificaions and lack of closure is torture...but i am happy we are all out cause it really would have ruined our lives..we would have never gotten what we deserved or were able to get them to want to have a real realationship or reallytruly care on their own without trying to push them to..that is no life to live as you guys alerady know!...sorry for going on!
Jul 4 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Leah2
Leah2's picture

Bodhi

This is identical. He left when I told him I was finally ready to have the kids he had talked about us having for five years, and wanted to buy that dream home he always spoke of! Guess that he was, like yours, Peter Pan.
Jul 5 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
MsVulcan500
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I got the same thing.

Everything for him was fine for the first few years. We were both raising kids and we didn't want to rock the boat by trying to blend everyone together. Now I see that this was the perfect excuse. After my youngest left for college and his son was graduating from high school, I point blank asked if we were ever going to live together. He hemmed and hawed and said he was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle the music (he's a musician and that is the MOST important thing in his life) so basically, the answer was "no." I knew then nothing was ever going to materialize and I told him that I felt like we were on a running track, just going around and around in circles and not moving forward. That we were no closer after 5 years than we were at the beginning. That was the beginning of the end for me.