Exposing him

They expose themselves. First you have problems and you are out the door and then the next one leave, and on and on it goes. Just wait it out and see how it turns out at the end. They lose credibility and become an object of ridicule. If your mother-in-law was nice you have good memories at least from her and think well of her. Stay no contact with anyone around him and you will have less of a feeling of loss and anxiety at what he says about you. They tend to be self-destructive and sabatoge all of their relationships and jobs. My ex was fired often and married and divorced often and around 55 blew himself up. he had a great education and was really talented in his field but his personality disorder was so destructive that no tv station kept him.

I don't think it's possible to expose such a person to people who are "in tune" with them. I know I really would like to speak to my mother-in-law. Just because I like her & she was very kind to me. I do not like her thinking bad things of me. And, I know she knows something about him. Once he was in a "not-talking" to me mode at her house. She asked me about it: "Is he stressed about his work?" (Always the family excuse for both the highly successful father & his son.) I said, "No. He's mad at me." She said, "You?" (She always thought I was wonderful & a great daughter-in-law & I waited on her son hand-and-foot.) Then she said, "They are good men." [Meaning her husband (N) & her son (another N).] They are good men? Doesn't one assume that a person is good? Isn't that a fundamental preconception? People are good. Along with people don't beat the ones they love. But, I see now, she found a way to reconcile all the inconsistencies of 50 years living with her N husband. Her son is her son & if anyone calls him on his crap--she's gonna be a tigeress to protect her cub. And, how can she do otherwise? She would have to rip off her own denial of what her husband did to both her & her son. And much of her life would have passed in vain. She met her N when she was 19 years old. And she describes it as if she was mesmerized. She saw him at a distance, he was 10 years older, and she said: "That's my man!" Her whole life spent with her man must not be in vain. So she believes that they are "good men" because when they are nice, they are very, very nice. And when they are bad, they are very, very bad. And she forgives the badness because she loves the goodness. I'd say forget his family & move on. They are his family after all.

I sometimes still wonder this myself Alfrebob when I am feeling down and weak. In order to get past it when common sense and facing the fact that he is a 'never-will-change-narc' temporarily fails, I've tried to look at it from a different angle :- Other people (ie family, friends but not the new gf/OW) will never 'get it' because you have to LIVE with it to understand it. As for the gf/OW, NOTHING you say to her, even if you have undeniable proof, will not make any difference at all because SHE won't get it until it dawns on her that she is almost lifeless because he has slowly, insidiously drained the life from her. Only then will she recall what YOU told her but she's unlikely to go to you and say, "Yes you were right". She certainly won't do that at the moment even if he's started to show his true colours (and he WILL) because she will be in denial, fighting the truth and harbouring futile hope. Let's face it, how many women, when they think they have found their prince, would listen to another woman's warnings and say, "Ooh, that's terrible. I'd better pack my bags then". Not going to happen is it? I do understand how you feel - even though I KNOW my exNH is beyond hope, I still struggle with knowing that I don't want him back - but the way OW selfishly pursued him without a care for me or our children, then colluded in his smear campaign against me, still enrages me enough to not want HER to have him either. This itself is mad because letting her have him would 'serve her right'. The karma bus will run them all over eventually. :( http://knittingattheguillotine.blogspot.com/ http://stoptherollercoaster.blogspot.com/ http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/ http://libertyfromlies.blogspot.com/

No. No. And no. Exposing him to family and friends seldom works. This is HIS support system and he has them hoodwinked. So don't bother. He can't ever change. Cant' change. CAN'T change. No matter what you do or don't do. He cannot change. Get it?

Exposing him will not change him. Nothing will change him. But exposing him will make him defend himself by making you look crazy, jealous, vindictive, etc. But it will also give him some perverse pleasure knowing that you are still thinking about him and taking the time to talk about him, even if it isn't in a good light. Save your breath. The best way to get back at him is to ignore him, act like he is dead to you, which is how you should be thinking, and to heal yourself so you live a better life. That is the best way to get back at him. D&D him like he did you. Take care of yourself and forget about him, he isn't worth it!