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Fears about the exN

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#1 Jul 31 - 2AM
Reddley
Reddley's picture

Fears about the exN

I got a message through facebook from my exN's friend.
Before I realized he was really a N I had asked her to check in on him to make sure he's ok. And we've been talking about him a little here and there.

I had told her that someday "Yes I'd like to be able to be friends with him but under the present circumstances I can't see it happening."

Her reply? Straight from facebook pasted here word for word:

"He's not the type of guy you walk away from if you can help it (or if he'll even allow it)"

So with that said... and I've said it before on here... I am concerned about what happens when I start to date again.
He ended up in jail when he realized his ex wife was dating.
I do not wish to repeat her story with my name replacing hers. Small town... he'll find out. It simply can't be avoided.

Jul 31 - 8AM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

Life Doesn't Stop

@ Reddley Life is going to keep on going with out narc approval. Believe me, I know. I undertstand. The fact that someone else is trumpeting his BS crap dominance is a huge red flag. You just continuing living and healing and stop worrying what he will think. Maybe it is too soon to to date right now anyway, no rush. All you can do is wait and see how it goes but do not plan on feeding his BS anymore by going along with it. This YOUR life, live it!
Jul 31 - 6AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

restraining order

As I wrote someplace else . . . you need to get away from this guy. The town has 35,000 people. There are not as many degress of separation as in NYC -- but this is not a small village with one pub. Your problem is, you work with him & you are in a village with this guy at your workplace. And in this manner you will never get away. If you decide that it is impossible to find another employment, then you are stuck in a life sentence with with whack-job, fruitcake colleague. You have to compartmentalize him out of your life. And if you date & he gets to be an issue -- you take out a restraining order. I heard a story last night where a restaurant corporation will not permit dating between employees. Now I see why. My friend's daughter is a mid-level manager & in a dating relationship with the bartender. Somebody tattled. So the corporation sent the bartender to another restaurant in their stable of restaurants. Employers do not want to deal with all the fall out of these intimate relationships on the job. A long time ago, people were fired if it was discovered they had a relationship. That is draconian. But I see why. It is just so complicated & detracts from the work.
Jul 31 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

The bright side... I'm

The bright side... I'm learning very quickly to hate him. He's on shaky ground at work. If he pushed it he'd lose his job. I don't think he's that stupid to act out there. He just needs a reminder. I'd be happy to give it to him but our boss has a talk planned soon. It's not just me... he is a dick to so many people at work. The drama and bitching, the yelling at people. They've had enough. But yes restraining orders work on him. He's a pussy. He is terrified to go to jail again. The problem is he actually has to do something first. Our company only enforces the fraternization rules amongst management and hourly staff. For obvious reasons. I used to have my own rule that you don't shit where you eat. I have no idea why broke it this time.
Jul 31 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Liberte Egalite Fraternite

I think the ex-Psych prof only got tenure because he came up for it... when his parents had moved in with him. I think when he got tenure, it was like a parent/teacher conference, and his Daddy hangs out on campus all the time. Without parental supervision, I think he would've gotten himself in MAJOR trouble. Over the 4 years with me, he had alienated his colleagues... and he was stupid enough to apparently brag to them about how he was mistreating me. The ex-P has parental supervision for the same reasons as my nephew (my nephew is 2, I will be confusing him with the ex-P accidentally on purpose--because their fathers have the same name, they're from the same state, mistakes happen) During the final D&D, the ex-P was constantly accusing me of breaking rules against fraternization... tho my graduation at the time was a matter of months. I declared my love to him BECAUSE I knew I'd be graduating soon. There would be a "change of status" (to quote beloved Facebook) What was bizarre... was that *I* was never called to the carpet for it. One of my profs was in a position of authority (I think the Dean was on sabbatical, she's been Dean recently)... and she was incredibly UNDERSTANDING towards me. I was expecting punishment. I went to her, expecting the gallows. It didn't happen. She was everything BUT condemning. The ex-P had me convinced I was breaking the rules... but his colleagues weren't siding with him, and I never got disciplined. He had even done the smear campaign claiming I was making unwanted sexual advances on him... but NOTHING I said could've substantiated that. I asked him personal questions about himself, shared my feelings.. didn't say anything that could be construed as sexual. Honestly, I think he got married (and still is) to back his claim that he doesn't sh*t where he eats. His curator wife brought respectability.