Fell into a Narc trap!

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#1 May 24 - 11PM
sara-smile
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Fell into a Narc trap!

I wonder when I'll ever learn to see the traps my Narc sets for me??? Kiwi asked me tonight where were my Narc eyes! LOL!! I guess my Narc eyes are BLIND!

I was doing some things around the house and walked over to pick up my phone and he had called 5 times and sent a text message that said CALL ME! YES I CALLED HIM! Why?? Because stupid me thought something was wrong! He never calls at night because the GF is always with him!!! When I called him back he wouldn't answer!!! He called me back in about 30 minutes and what he was calling about was STUPID! It was nothing! I thought somebody had died for him to be calling so late and calling 5 times in a row! I know......even if somebody had died it's not my problem!! I get that now but I can not for the life of me figure out how to stop the knee jerk reaction I have when it comes to him!!!! It just makes me sick!! The conversation ended in a fight (of course) with me cussing and screaming and telling him what a piece of shit he is! While I'm cussing him he's telling me how much he loves me and he wishes I was with him! GAG!!!!! That made me even more mad which turned into another fight until I finally just hung up on him. (thank you Kiwi for reality check and making me see that I could just HANG UP THE STUPID PHONE!)

I have got to realize that this idiot is capable of anything! He'll use whatever it takes to bait me into a trap and pounce on me! As soon as I saw where he called I sent a SOS text message to help me through. I knew it would blow up and it did! I want to stop the way I react when it comes to him. I'm trying so hard but it's almost like a habit!! It's natural for me to jump in to see what is wrong. It's just sick! When I do end up talking to him my mouth and temper takes over and I lose it. It's such a vicious cycle. How blind and hard headed can one person be???

My question is how do you stop the habits you created when you were with the Narc?? My reaction to him is so strange! I hate his freaking guts but when I thought something was wrong I freaked out! It's not my place anymore to freak out and fix things! So sick of MY insanity! I think he's finally put me over the edge and now I'm crazy too!

Thanks for listening again!

Sara

May 25 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Change your phone number! If

Change your phone number! If an emergency happens, you will hear about it! All games! Hunter
May 25 - 7AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Old habits die hard. I'm

Old habits die hard. I'm sorry you went through this. {{hugs}} I was reacting a lot too the first few weeks. It takes practice. And in your case...you might want to block him, change your number. At some point...you won't want to hear from him. Are you there yet? Be honest with yourself. If you still 'like' getting calls, because it validates you...(I've been there so i'm speaking from experience)...then, until you break that 'need,' you'll keep reacting.
May 25 - 7AM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

So here's the thing YOU

So here's the thing YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW and YOU KNEW exactly what was happening but the control freak, take charge, gotta fix it Sara-Smile took over... I know it's natural, but like I said, you're not his woman, his mother, GOD or some kind of Savior. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM ANY LONGER!!! Even if there is an issue and someone did die, whether or not it's someone you know, he needed to call 911, NOT YOU! I was telling someone we ALL have a 'Shit Taking Level' and you probably haven't met yours, put the IMPATIENT you to work! Don't put up with this crap anymore... Even if you got a text saying "I'm dying" you'd have to ignore it... Let GOD take care of that, it's not your problem! I
May 25 - 5AM
nancyh
nancyh's picture

Sara

I'm sorry you had to experience yet another negative interaction with the Narc. You asked: (1) "how do you stop the habits you created when you were with the Narc??" -As you know - it is hard as hell to stop responding when the Narc reaches out to us - why? Because we have been programmed by them to jump when they contact us and try with all our might to meet their needs (sick, right?) (2) "My reaction to him is so strange!" -Not really, I think that many of us on this site react the same way - we want to help, we want to fix-it, whatever the "it" is - which validates the fact that we have been mind fu*ked by a Narc. How can so many of us feel the same exact reaction. -I think many who fall for Narcs are "fixers" or as someone else said, "empaths" - we have a desire to fix a negative situation to help those around us - which is why we are so attracted to the Narc - Do you know anyone else in your life (non-Narc) that needs as much help or has so many problems? (3) "I hate his freaking guts but when I thought something was wrong I freaked out! It's not my place anymore to freak out and fix things! So sick of MY insanity! I think he's finally put me over the edge and now I'm crazy too!" -they do make us crazy with their behavior but it takes two to tango - please, please, please - "stop the insanity" and stay NC, no matter what. Think of it this way - he made it to whatever age he was when you met him without NEEDING you to help/assist/fix anything - he will be okay. From what I have read Narcs are one of the most self sufficient human beings out there. Their cries for help are merely for supply and because they feel that whatever needs fixing is beneath them to take care of - why not let their minions deal with the crap in their life. Stay strong, stay NC! Hugs, Nan

Nan

May 25 - 3AM
adoette
adoette's picture

Habit

The whole habit piece is huge. I was so wired to jump when he contacted me (because, shoot, who knew when he would contact me again...I had to soak up his generosity when he offered it), and when I was alone to look for him and hope we could chat or talk. If you can reach deep deep deep down into yourself and say never never never again, it will get easier. You can be rewired again. I suggest you BLOCK him if possible. It was such a relief when I cut of most (not all, mind you) gateways. I know what you're going through and it is totally understandable. And hard. And confusing. NC is indeed a beautiful thing, but there is withdrawal and other painful aspects to it. It will restore sanity if you can just not respond. Take care of yourself. You'll need some extra TLC as you detox and change your habits. (((hugs)))
May 25 - 1AM
empath
empath's picture

Sara

The ONLY way to get control of how you are reacting, is to go NC and stay NC. Why should you concern yourself with there perhaps being something wrong with him? Who appointed you his guardian? He's an adult, even if he doesn't behave like one. You are not responsible for him. You are not responsible for his happiness. Stop giving him what HE wants and start giving yourself what YOU want...which is to have your sanity back and have control of your emotions. The ONLY way to do this is to go NC and stay NC. No matter what. Even if it feels like you are dying the first few days...even if you have to hide your phone, turn the ringer off, sit on your hands to keep from texting or calling back...DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO NOT RESPOND. ANY attention you give the N, positive or negative, is a win for them. Ignoring them is the ONLY way to take back your dignity and your sanity. Let him go already. If you're here it means you've had enough and you're ready to heal. This is no longer about him, it's now all about you. Maybe you're here because you recognized that he was disordered and you wanted help getting away from him. Maybe you're here because you had finally hit the wall and just couldn't take anymore of the lunacy and crazymaking behavior. Whatever the reason that you are here, stay here and make a commitment to yourself to go NC and most importantly, stay NC. Stop supplying him, and stop deluding yourself that he is worthy of your time and attention. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you called him 5 times in row, he wouldn't think something was wrong with you. He'd ignore you to prove he is in control, and if there were something wrong with you, his first, second and third thoughts would be about how that would mess up his supply. Figure out what is going on with you, what it is that makes you crave having someone in your life who treats you so badly, someone who reaches out to you at their convenience and takes what they need and offers nothing in return. Don't be ashamed to be honest with yourself...you have already given too much of yourself away to the N. There is no way to recoup for that; you can't go back in time, you can only deal with right now. Start by taking your "right now" back for yourself. Know that all of us here have been where you are. There is a way out, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Go NC and stay NC. Anything you say can and will be used against you...so don't say another word to the N. Don't think for a second you will be validated, vindicated or given closure by him. You won't be. You have to find it for yourself. The ONLY way to do that, is to begin by going NC and staying NC. (((hugs)))