GymGirl98's Story

Finally Ready To Post Here :(

I have been browsing this site since last June/July-a mere 3-4 months after entering what I at first thought was the best relationship I had ever been in, with the man of my dreams...but about 8-9 weeks after our first date, I was pretty much shocked and crushed when things started to happen...

We met through a mutual friend and hit it off immediately. Chemistry was great, we were into each other, couldn't get enough of each other. He showered me with kindness, sweet messages, little gifts, fun times and I did the same. I did notice after a few weeks that the sex began to get odd. He did not like to kiss me it seemed (although even thinking back to our first date about a month after we met, he held back from kissing me for a very long time after we were laying there giving massages, touching, etc.. which I found odd-his explanation was that he was afraid things would happen if we started kissing)and if I would crawl on top of him to kiss him, he would complain my hair was in his face or something odd like that. Very soon any intimacy was gone. He stopped complimenting my appearance and telling me I was sexy, etc..and it began to be like having sex with a stranger. Usually his eyes are closed like he was having a fantasy and eventually he began very dirty talking about these scenarios-other men doing things to me while he watched, me with other women, etc...Granted I don't have a ton of sexual experience but this was very odd. I noticed I can walk in front of him naked from the shower, or with a cute bra and panty set on and he wouldn't notice-it was like he was looking through a pane of glass. I am a very avid workout person, lift weights, stick to a strict diet, etc..so I don't think it is that he doesn't like my body? I don't know, I question everything. Considering that he owns a gym, this really upsets me because I don't think he finds me attractive.

I noticed a couple of months into it, the changes. He became very hot and cold. He began snapping at me for small things like putting trash in the trashcan incorrectly or not opening and shutting a door properly. He picked at my clothes, the way I stand, how I drive, etc..everything. He went irate because I brought him home takeout and the waitress put the wrong veggies in the bag. This is when I was crushed to realize that Mr Wonderful...wasn't. During this time, I was catering to his every need-cooking him meals daily, helping him with errands, lending him money etc..anything and everything he needed, I provided and got very little, if anything, in return but a feeling of emptiness and sadness.

I realized last August that I was miserable and tried to end it, but a day later begged him back and we repeated this cycle a few times and I think he likes me begging him back. The ONLY times he acts like a normal part of a couple is when we have went thru a rough patch and the ball was in my court. Only then does he compliment me, treat me with respect/value, thank me, offer to help me, get me little things, etc..act like a boyfriend. As soon as I'm "back" he goes back into mean mode. I feel as if he throws out a few crumbs now and then to keep me around, but really, he doesn't care. :(

Right now I have entered my 13th month of this. I am not even sure what I am hanging onto right now. Why I can't just let go? I have NO benefits at all other than having a warm body to sleep with (and he does cuddle and hug me all night which I love). Other than that, I have no idea daily if it will be Jekyll or Hyde that I see. If I will be ignored and made to feel as if I am a burden, or made to feel wanted. I feel like I keep trying harder, doing more, etc..and I don't know why. I cook him meals for him to eat throughout the week that match his current diet for weight lifting, I run errands, relieve him at work for awhile, seriously anything he needs I make happen, etc..I had to beg for a date night-we haven't went out anywhere in 4 mos, I got nothing for Valentines day, no recognition for our anniversary, etc...it goes on and on. :( Everyone has always told me I'm such a great catch-so if that is true-why doesn't he believe it and want to be good to me? There is obviously soooo much more to this story as I am sure everyone else can "get" but Im trying to just get the general gist out. I know part of this is that I never say anything either, I just go along with it all-but why....wish I knew.

Thanks for listening :)