Happy N Christmas...

Yup. Talked to the Devil and I deserve his abuse. He told me that he had planned a period of "mourning" in a text message to me and had 3 women lined up. He was going to "pick 1 out of the 3". When I confronted him? Same delusional behaviors. I am listening to Christmas music and wish I had a pie to put in someone's face (he lives out of state). Email new friends? Follows...

Mark -

It's OK. Let's let this one go. OK – I think that would be best.. You don't even get why I am upset? "Well I can assure you, I am not going to get it when you choose to speak to me in such a disrespectful tone. I am trying my very best NOT to ever speak in any disrespectful manner. It is just as unacceptable as violent type behavior." (Love how he justifies felonies. Wish I would have - should have - could have - filed criminal charges.)

Well. Let's just say that I don't think relationships are something that is supposed to make me whole. "Well sure. That is true. We should be whole first – so that we can then begin to START the process to be emotionally ready. After any loving relationship ends, it takes time to emotionally heal. I know how much time I require. I know that I am text book. Typically I take ½ the time of the relationship Some people (like my friends) pick on me for this but it is simply my HONEST way of dealing with my own emotions." (We were separated for one month and he was on the f-in prowl.)

I can go now for years without meeting someone else. "OK…."

And, why did you bring up Publix? "Why, because I was simply telling you of my conversation with Cindy (which I never even got to finish discussing with you and truly wanted to) as I was going through the checkout line and how she was talking about leaving Publix to get an in-home sales job. I asked her if she had a computer and internet connection at home and she advised yes. I told her I might have something and gave her my number. LONG AFTER YOU and I started talking last weekend!! I haven’t seen Cindy for months because I have been going to the downtown Publix." (This is this chick I had to hear about when WE were in a relationship. She is needy. Sorry folks. Not pretty like me. Again sorry. But, I ALWAYS wondered what the attraction was? It was because she was needy. Like me.)

Seriously? Why am I upset? " I have no idea Kat. I don’t think you have ANY reason to be upset whatsoever."

I had to listen to you tell me about the women including her while I was standing in that line. "What line? The grocery line? And So what. I have a life. I had one before you. I most certainly did NOT do anything with anyone else between Halloween 2010 and now. What are you so concerned about." (Had to hear about it. There was 25-year old, 38-year old. Everyone dated by their age. When I asked him not to tell me about 25-year old again - he is 52 - he told me I was "very wet for an old woman". Sorry folks. Keep it P bloody G.)

You said she "had a crush on you" and you could have dated her. "Kat I don’t even remember saying exactly that when we were in line together but I trust you remember better than I. It was so insignificant to me way back then I have little memory of that. I do remember telling you something like I could have gone out with her and maybe would have if not with Dorota or YOU. I don’t remember MY OWN THOUGHT PROCESS at that time."

And, I am sure that the day you stood in front of her is the day I had the premonition. "What day? You mean this past week?"

Call me crazy? "Crazy for what? I am not calling you crazy. However I would much prefer you get upset about something that is truly an issue."

Same as when you bit me on the face. I saw this girl lying there with her bikini and you said to me in bed "Is that Becky?" And, I said no. "I have no recollection of this situation whatsoever. I most certainly DO NOT remember details of any conversation regarding Becky." (He says he does not remember the face biting incident. Finally apologized for putting my things on his dock on Christmas Eve. Selective memory works very well for the N!)

I asked you to leave. I told you that it was my apartment. Then, you said you wanted to give me a "good night kiss" and grabbed my hair. You proceeded to bite me while you kissed me. I am still having recurring nightmares. I had one a week ago. How about being sensitive to the fact I am still healing?

"OK Kat. I thought I was being very sensitive. I KNOW FOR SURE you are still healing. What does the previous comment have to do with ANYTHING that happened this night?"

You say to me in a text message that you were "going to go into a period of mourning then accept one of three offers"? How is that supposed to make me feel? I could post your text to a million people but the one thing I learned in this crazy experience? My perceptions of the experience are real. Not what you tell me afterwards.

"First of all – just to post the text to anyone else is completely off-the-wall. The idea that anyone “one of a million people” could respond with it being so out of context.. (They don’t know my character or how in-love I am with you and all my other actions demonstrating that concept)" (He says it. Denies it. Then, blames me. Not GOING TO DO IT ANYMORE!)

I am sick of someone that says hurtful things to me then tries to repackage them as something else. "I said absolutely NOTHING hurtful to you this night Kat. NOTHING." (Uhm. Read the text to a gal in the Publix line - different girl. He said that he had planned to go through a period of 'mourning' and had 3 women lined up. He planned on picking one of them.)

I have "mourned" you and never CONSIDERED anyone else. "Neither have I Kat. I did NOT go seeking anyone as I am sure neither did you. I did not SAY ANYTHING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS on purpose and if you took that way I am sorry. I am so very worried that once again instead being hurt and talking with me about your hurt you turn instantly angry and then you express your anger in the most disrespectful manner possible."

But, it is obvious from your communications to me and your conversations with me about conversations you have had "It's the one time in our lives when we both were single. She was in a relationship. I was in a relationship." Why do you share these things with me if you want me? "Hell for 20 years I’ve always been married or so has she. I will most definitely start to accept offers of those who want to be with me after I emotionally get over YOU should I have to actually get over you. Obviously that will take me months. I made a mistake on 10/17/11 when I switched my status from “In a relationship” to “Single” on Facebook prompting some inquiries. My reply to all was the same as my reply to you directly." (Oh. Poor baby. Has to tell me that the girls keep coming after HIM! ALWAYS HIM!)

Now Dear Readers? This is his dialog to me. I asked him to read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. The one Christmas present? His mother is reading it. She called me today to acknowledge that he did beat everyone including me. And, he STILL LIES ABOUT IT ALL!

I want to be in a very nice healthy relationship that is very respectful.. very passionate. As close as we can be. Geez Louis. Doesn’t EVERYONE want exactly that. OK – so I am not going to LIE about my desire to be in a nice relationship.

NOW at this time AND for several months to come, I am not emotionally ready to start another relationship. I have clearly stated that to you and to THEM. I even told you as I told them, I can’t even think about something like that until long after January or February and now I can tell you that it will probably be much longer than that. Which is why I told you I was going to go to the Keys after mom left and hibernate as I thought that would be the best.

(This is me)...Go. Get whole. Find someone else. I can't be with someone like you. Seriously. My soul mate would never have been so quick to line up the felines to pick after a "period of mourning" at which time it's...

I am NOT your soul mate. Why? My soul mate would know what I just wrote above.

(Me again)...Mark's revolving door! Beat. Lie. Boring. Break up. Love? Not me Kat…… You obviously don’t love me.

(Me) What is love to you? Is it something you receive or give? "I know what love is Kat. Firstly it is respect no matter what emotion you are feeling or delivery to the other. This is NOT love."O

(Me) You lied to me about Wanda until one week ago and your Mother confirmed the truth again to me today. You beat her too. "I did NOT!!!! Are you crazy??? And, we would have had to deal with that one in counseling as well." (Uhm. He said it to me in an email. And, his mother confirmed it. How can they do this? Lie. Deny. Awwww!)

"I cannot be with you when you CHOOSE to accuse me of things that are not true. The real issue are bad enough. Now you are going way beyond what happen IN YOUR OWN BRAIN this night. Such an ugly ugly emotion and thought process. You should be completely ashamed of yourself for thinking in this manner about me. I will Not ALLOW YOU TO do all of the things in the book I am reading as described on page 3 (The first page of Chapter One). You are guilty tonight of every one of them. Un Freakin’ Believable. (Get ready for the roller coaster ride! Blame. Gas lighting. La la la la. Happy Holidays!)

"Jesus – I think you have a serious mental issue. BECAUSE if all of your thought processes above were truly your reality…… Think it through. Be smart." (I am now mentally ill because I called his shit on me. Seriously?)

(Me) That was the most awful text message I have ever received. Most of the idiotic men I have dated would have known better... "The message you are referring is way out of context. YOU completely over reacted over a non-issue and you are damn lucky I gave you the time of day because of your actions on the phone long before my text." (Relationship memories. NC! NC! NC!)

AND THEN… To interpret that text in the manner you did? Is completely unacceptable. I would rather you stab with violently with a knife. Where does your anger come from. Let me say that if you truly were looking at things in the manner you describe above, the question remains… Where does your anger come from??? Where is the hurt? Where is your ability to First give me the benefit of ANY doubt in your mind long before you feel the least bit hurt? And then… IF the benefit of the doubt is destroyed by undeniable proof I MEANT TO PURPOSEFULLY cause you hurt rather than save you from it which is ALWAYS MY desire……… Why are you being Angry instead of HURT??? Major issues there……. Major major issues. None of which are mine. (Again. If I call him on being rude? I get this every single time. Always. Ad nauseum.)

And, I won't replace you. "I will replace you – but NOT before several months. I need time to heal. Shame on you for any part of the thought process you had this evening that created the least bit of unrest in your mind and took a needless 4 hours away from my life.(Love it. Several months. Thanks a-hole).

"I will say this much though. And I’ll apologize for hurting you with this comment in advance… When you do these things it helps me to expedite my own healing process. It clearly helps me see that, “It isn’t me”? This book is in many ways (with tonight as a prime example) MORE about you than about me. I will however read it and look for ways to improve myself for any next relationship whether that relationship is YOU or someone else. Like I did with my verbal discussion and my text.. I can assure you that CINDY is not in any future mix for me. If it makes you feel any better, neither is Christina. So who does that leave you since you like to think about these things. Who do YOU know that I’ve known since BEFORE you and I ever started dating that might want to explore a life with me should we not get back together and I finally heal? Who?" (Thanks Mr Felony Convictions that was declaring your love to me and admitting blame? Not!)

"I want peace Kat. There is no peace in your brain. It is time for me to accept that." (Remember what it was like to have a normal fight? Prior to the N? Seriously?)