Hard day...

Today was an important day... before left my N I decided to apply to another job and today I had my interviews... it was sad finishing such an important event for me and not having him to tell him how they were... The only crossing my mind was a picture of me going back to what it used to be my home and tell him about everything... then reality hits.. he is not there anymore, and he never was... it is just sad to know that the person I loved so much and shared all my dreams about... never existed... I feel like a fool for thinking about him in important moments... maybe is not love and it is only because I was used to share my feelings with him...
In addtion, today also we confirmed that his mom has ALS. I also feel sad that I cannot be with her as family anymore and that I will not be able to be with here for what she is going thru... I love her... she is the best mother-i-law I could have ever asked... I know the only thing I can do it is pray for her...
I do not understand why I am so emotional today... I guess there are going to be good days and bad days...