has this happened to any of you?

25 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 15 - 1AM

rainbow1

has this happened to any of you?

I have noticed that since me and my xn broke up many of his friends have asked me out or hit on me. these are not our mutual friends. these are people he has introduced me to. some of them didnt even wait a week before they asked me to come hang out. me and my xn were still living together even. i was wondering if this has happened to any of you?

#2 Jun 17 - 10AM

CarolKittyGale (not verified)

yes this happened to me

but he doesn't really have real friends.....more like people that are useful to him who he lets down or drops at a moments notice.

#3 Jun 15 - 10PM

aceonelady

no friends

Mine didn't have friends...I only heard about one Golf Buddy but i never saw the guy...And he only went golfing once and that was when i was visiting him....He has a cousin that lives in California and that calls him maybe once in 3 months...And he doesn't goes out either,only working,groceries,gaming on the PC,PORN and looking for FRIENDS on the net and some music......He had 1 female co worker that sometimes called him trying to sell him stuff for her kids school...

Aceonelady

#4 Jun 15 - 9PM

Susan32

What friends?

My ex-P (thanks to what I've read, my ex-N was more of a Psychopath than a Narc) had a circle of young male groupies who hung onto his every word when it came to philosophy. He had some female friends among his colleagues... but they weren't close ones. His colleagues seemed to avoid him, his female students found him condescending, and he had young male groupies. As one of my friends observed at the time, "He prefers young men." Men his own age he seemed to shun.

#5 Jun 15 - 5PM

Monica

Mine was the same way, rainbow1

If he wasn't surrounded by people he was on his cell phone. It seemed like he could not stand to be alone with himself. (Understandable, lol!) I like what Anotherpath called them...people junkies. I think that is a perfect description. Mine would actually "hold court" in the office. Sat at his desk with his feet up on the desk (disrespectful and ignorant) and all his "buddies" would just sit around listening to the crap he fed them. SO many lies. I knew it but never said anything to anyone. They acted like he was the be-all, end-all. Then he would turn around and tell ME that he didn't trust them and disparage them because they followed him around like "puppy dogs." Mine has a USE for everyone he chose to allow into his life. They were there to serve his purpose. They were objects, nothing more. Certainly not "friends."

#6 Jun 15 - 4PM

rainbow1

does this mean he isnt an n?

All of you are saying that your N's had no friends. Now I am questioning if mine is not an N because of this little detail. He doesnt have anyone that he wouldnt throw away at any moment or anyone that is not useful to him, but he is ALWAYS surrounded by people. He is ALWAYS doing something. If he isnt on his street bike with all the boys then he is on his dirt bike. If he isnt going to some event then he is at a party. If he isnt on the boat then he is working on a project. ALWAYS!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jun 16 - 12AM (Reply to #20)

Steph

rainbow1

"He doesnt have anyone that he wouldnt throw away at any moment or anyone that is not useful to him" Doesn't sound like these are "friends" then. Someone that can throw people away at any moment or only has people around that are useful to them sounds pretty NARCish to me.

#8 Jun 15 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

aceonelady

Amazones...

Forgot to mention my called his female co workers My AMazones...and he Always gave them a lot of atention after they started on the job,few weeks later he was showing his bad self his true horrible colors and they were nothing to him...I remember one of them got breast cancer and was going trough chemo and she would go to work 2 days after that and he was pissed off about her he said that she was lazy ,and she should stay home if she didn't feel like working !She was an Utility Worker for Housing is a very intensive physical work....What an ass !Is just cruel....

Aceonelady

#9 Jun 15 - 4PM (Reply to #17)

AnotherPath

he's a people junkie, can't

he's a people junkie, can't be on his own. Typical narc but they're not friends, they don't know the real him. Bet he has 40000000 people on facebook, it's all BS, get away from him and try not focusing on what he is or isn't bottom line is he isn't good for you.

Ending the dance

#10 Jun 15 - 9PM (Reply to #18)

better off

People Junkie!

Haha! No shit, the number of facebook friends is a direct indicator of narcissism in my book, LOL. Mine was obsessed about how many people were on his friends list. What.Ever. I have far fewer PEOPLE on my list, but I have a lot more FRIENDS if you know what I mean. Rainbow, anotherpath is right, you've got to stop focusing on him and his pathetic "life" and start concentrating on your own.

#11 Jun 15 - 4PM

Qing Yuan

Nope...

My NARC has very few friends and even they know what he is like.. One of his female freinds said to me recently ', yea he has always been a sexist b**tard, THATS WHY I NEVER WENT OUT WITH HIM' ... ummmm :) No, he has few friends and those that he doesn't just disregard after a short while would not be interested in me anyway... after all I'm married to him still, a mummy to a toddler, with thunder thighs and huge wobbly belly... tired and all used up.. GRRRRRR!!! So no.. not me.. :(

#12 Jun 15 - 1PM

Scoop

Rainbow , it depends what

Rainbow , it depends what you call friends , see a narc can charm alot of people with his fake mask of niceness (thats how he hooked you in )Many have said that he saves his "real" self for behind close doors with his victum ie YOU . ...Men are men and they do come out of the woodwork if a pretty girl becomes free from a relationship . Dont be fooled as they proberly just want to have sex with you , with some men they will take advatage of your vulerability at the moment so my advice is to "shut up shop " for a little while and heal from this evil man .. big love scoop x...ps read lots xx

#13 Jun 15 - 8AM

ewa

Have not happened to me

I haven't noticed that too.

#14 Jun 15 - 6AM

grossot

rainbow

No. My ex N had no friends http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#15 Jun 15 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Steph

lol

mine didn't really have any friends either probably should have been my first clue lol

#16 Jun 15 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Steph

that just reminded me of a

that just reminded me of a time I met 2 of his law school "buddies" and it got back to me that one said "i don't know how a guy like him (My exN) got a nice girl like her" haha. that should have been another clue

#17 Jun 15 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

happydaysahead

Same here

Mine had no friends, as well.

#18 Jun 15 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

AnotherPath

Mine had no friends either

Ending the dance

#19 Jun 15 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

rainbow1

really?

Mine had lots of "friends" (I use that word loosely). He only hangs out with people that can do something for him. Anyways, he is the fun exciting guy that everyone wants to be around. And he wants to be around everyone because he cant be alone. One of the people that he introduced me to has actually witnessed this break up and he told me, "Wow if I hadnt seen how he really is I would have thought that he was the greatest and most fun guy ever." Is it not normal for an N to have a lot of "friends"?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#20 Jun 15 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

almostlydia

they aren't friends they are groupies

i read somewhere that a narc would go crazy if left in a room alone for more than an hour. Mine would text message more than a teenager. I noticed however, that many of those that had been 'friends' began to distance themselves after a while because he would slip up and reveal his facade. They all needed him because they benefited from his business but they all begin to cut the personal ties. Unfortunately, he used their 'silent credibility' to gain new unknowing groupies. Just as he used my credibility to make him look like a trustworthy guy. He gained other's trust because i was so trustworthy. Everyone is an object to be used that's all. Now, whenever i see an overly charismatic person all the red flags go up.

almostlydia

#21 Jun 17 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Happy1

female friends

Mine doesn't have male friends. If we go to any events or anything it's the females he speaks with. he doesn't seem to fit in right with them men or something. I've often observed and it's like he's afraid of the men or something. I don't get it. Anyway, he has a lot of female aquaitences that he has a very fake act for. Look at me... I'm the PTO President and Cub Scout Master (all for show). He does everything for show and the women love him. I know they've tried to set him him during one of his break ups. It makes me feel horrible. Horrible that they don't know what I know.

#22 Jun 17 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

rainbow1

sad1

Mine has a lot of female "friends" as well and they are all in love with him. They try to get with him everytime that we break up and then when we get back together they try to be mine "friend". But like I said he has lots of "friends". One of his friends told me the other day that it is because he puts up a good fake front. Im glad that other people notice this! He is honestly the center of attention anywhere. Always doing things to impress people. Always trying to be the best at everything. He is so cocky! He honestly thinks he is good at everything.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#23 Jun 17 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

Lisa E. Scott

Friends

They have few friends because they only invest in a relationship if they think they can get something out of it. If the person has nothing to offer them, they have no interest. They love female friends because they get validation and attention from them, but men, not so much. Only if they see that they bring something to the table. My friend's ex-husband told a new neighbor the following when he stopped by his garage to chat one day: "I don't really have any time for you. I have enough friends as it is and besides, I don't see you bringing anything to the table that I don't already have."

#24 Jun 17 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

Susan32

Ps and Friends

My ex-P had hardly any friends... and he wanted me to GIVE UP mine. He always spoke badly of my friends, and I defended them... because that's what friends do. When I asked him why he hated my friends, he called them my "cheerleading squad" (better describes his young male groupies) and that they "didn't see my bad side." My friends hated him. It was odd that a graduate student lived across the street from my ex-P... and didn't even know he lived there.

#25 Jun 17 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

rainbow1

friends

Yep this discribes mine 100%! He always hated MY friends because they didnt really like him either or they had nothing for him. They only friends that he has have boats, quads, dirt bikes, street bikes, some sort of toy. He only does things for him or things that he wants to do. I remember one time right when we started dating it was his moms birthday but I didnt know this. He was having 50 family members at his house that day for a BBQ for her. He never told me it was her bday or that family was coming over. Instead he told me that we were going out of the boat with some of his friends. Well his sister contacted me that day to make sure that I was going to be there for the party. I WAS SHOCKED! I couldnt believe that he wasnt going to be at his own house for his moms bday party. He was going to leave and let everyone just show up without him there. And at this point I didnt really know his extended family that well. He was going to just have me show up late in a bikini coming off a boat. How horrible would I look to these people?! It just proves that what he wants to do is even more important than his family

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

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