He called today, didn't leave vm...what do you make of this? I am beginning to think he's purposely effing with me

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#1 May 8 - 6PM
Deidre40
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He called today, didn't leave vm...what do you make of this? I am beginning to think he's purposely effing with me

So...I am at the gym today with my daughter, and get back...and notice my phone had a missed call. It was from him. No voicemail left.

So...I hem, haw...thinking...what should I do. I was NOT going to call back. I decide to text...''hi, u called?''

His reply back? He texts back that he was busy deleting all of my texts, and he accidentally called me. He stopped the call as ''soon as he realized it. Sorry Dee, it won't ever happen again.'' <<< I have never ever seen him utter such a sentence in my life.

No 'sorry I told you I didn't care if you died.' Nope. lol But, he's sorry for this? Gotta laugh after a while, right?

Here's my gut ...and I'm starting to listen more and more to my gut these days, because it's rarely wrong.

I think he called. Wanted me to answer. I didn't. He thought I didn't answer on purpose. He wasn't going to leave a vm, and risk me not calling back. So...he writes this text about deleting my old texts...and most likely, wanted a reaction.

Anyways, can I say this is getting really old? I didn't reply. I shouldn't have replied to begin with...even with the little bit I did.

What do you make of this? I mean, it's possible he could have been deleting texts...and accidentally hit call. But...why go into this long drawn out explanation? lol Right? Just say...it was an accident...and that's it.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I'm going to have to get my number changed. I have to find the time this week to get that done, because I get the sense he is going to try to eff with my head...just for the fun of it.

Is this hoovering? I am sometimes unclear as to what hoovering is? He hasn't been asking for me back...guess I always thought hoovering had to do with that.

Thanks for any advice, opinions, and support you can give. I'm doing well...no worries. I'm strong. Just curious as to your thoughts, is all. Thanks and happy mother's day!!!

May 9 - 9PM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

let's face it....

We know what they are and what they do, right? Yes, to all of it, hoovering, mind games, BS that they do, you already know it, don't second guess them, they are what they are, they do what they do, mine sent a "Happy Mothers Day" text from some number I don't recognise as his is blocked, and then puts his name at the end, 7 months NC, they never quit unless YOU STOP THEM, blah, delete, ignore, BLOCK!!!!

stay~strong

May 9 - 3PM
Alibi_10
Alibi_10's picture

Torture by phone

Yep, had this one too - I think they use the phone as an instrument of torture(I posted about this many months ago). When I was still trying to make it work, he once said he knew how to get me to react (like Pavlov's dog), by ringing, cutting the call short and NOT leaving a voicemail - so there you have it, from the mouth of a Narc. It was to get a reaction. Of course, when I did call back, he didn't answer !! On the rare occasions that he did, it would mean that I was paying for the call - a bonus for someone so mean ! Glad you can see this for what it was.
May 9 - 7PM (Reply to #22)
Deidre40
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Alibi

Bingo alibi! I believe that's EXACTLY what he did. He called, let it ring, hung up...just so I'd show a missed call from him. To test me. Remember, I said on Friday...in a text...''I'm done.'' (meaning done talking to him) Welp, I looked pretty stupid to him, (and to myself) when I end up sending him a text yesterday...''u called?'' So, he proved that ...Dee doesn't mean what she says. I still have control...goodie for me! I get it. I am not beating myself up over it, however. I do know that I need to stop. I NEED TO STOP. I don't want this man in my life. In any capacity. And this will never end, unless I step out of it. I did the hardest part, breaking it off with him. Proved to him and myself that I don't 'fear' loss. But, I realized tonight. Maybe that's what this is all about for me. Hanging on...I ended things, but have I? By continuously replying to him...on that site, text...I send a message. THIS REALLY ISN'T OVER. I was talking to a friend today...who said to me...Dee, he doesn't think he's lost you, yet. Wow. That was a powerful thing to say. So, I thought about this. NC for me, means more than just protecting myself. It must send a message to him...it's over. I hadn't quite thought of it in that light...
May 9 - 10AM
Steph
Steph's picture

He's playing his childish

He's playing his childish narc games again. Nothing further to analyze. Yes, it's hoovering. back to NC! xoxo
May 9 - 11AM (Reply to #20)
terri
terri's picture

Ah yes, the "accidental" call

I agree with Staying strong that it's a form of the narc games. And it seems to be a common one from the many postings here. Come on... how many accidental calls do you make? I know I've made them but NOT that often. Unless you have a new phone and are not really used to using it yet, the accidental calls don't really happen that much. The other telltale sign is his response - "I was deleting you..." - narc is thinking to himself: "that should hurt her and make her think that I'm erasing her from my life. That should get a response from her. When I get her response, I'll feel validated and all will be right in the world again." Sick sick sick. Goal for moving forward - find a man who can recognize when he has found a good woman that he's lucky to have and work hard to keep her happy and with him in his life - not always pusing her away so he can get reactions that backwardly validate his importance to her. The more you delve into their psyches, the more your head spins.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

May 9 - 10AM
momoya
momoya's picture

Cut off contact and don't accept his behavior

D - you wrote"So...I hem, haw...thinking...what should I do. I was NOT going to call back. I decide to text...''hi, u called?'' Good idea to change your phone number. It is too much and too risky for you to handle him to keep contacting you , because you can't ignore him for whatever reason. Changing your phone number takes it all out of your hands. (He never seems to have anything good say anyway- the guy that said he didn't care if you died)Don't acept his abusive and nasty behavior any longer D40. Work to get that cell number changed! all the best

momoya

May 9 - 5AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Deidre99

the idiot is just playing mind games, my exnar did this a lot whenever he dumped me and would call and then when I said hello, he would hangup, once I said his name, saying is that you Dan, and he immediately hung up. they are scared little toddlers,not men.just so that you will keep them in your mind.............change your number is best for peace of mind
May 9 - 9PM (Reply to #17)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

so typical it's pathetic & funny at the same time

This N here did the same thing, lol, would call at 3,4,in the morning, hang up (before I realised the Toddler was restless and alone with no supply) I would franticly return his call thinking something was wrong,he wouldn't answer! what the what? Yeah, something was way wrong! It wasn't until I realised who/what he was exactly what he was doing,not only was he calling me he was calling tons of other supply sources doing the same exact thing! He's on his 5th or 6th supply source since NC in 7 months but still manage to send me a text yesterday, lol, just hilarious and sad at the same time!

stay~strong

May 8 - 8PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I'm with you! Ignore any

I'm with you! Ignore any silly attempts of contact.
May 8 - 7PM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

Boy he is so full of shyt.

Boy he is so full of shyt. Its no way I believe that story he told. He called so you would call him back or respond like I told another poster its feeding time and you gave him a snack. If it was important he would've left some lame lie on the voicemail . I'm gonna be real with you you need to look at yourself and all his OW as pupphets or toys. He plays with one throws it in the toybox. picks up another plays or fiddles with that for awhile throws it in the toybox. thats how i'm starting to look at my ex N i was nothing more than another toy in the toybox. I'm still NC strong and I mean it . You need to realize this guy is a meer child in a grown up body . he doesn't care or love anyone all women to him is a bunch of toys in his sick collection. please stay NC don't feed him, don't give him a snack , don't give him anything. HUGS
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
Deidre40
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findingmeagain

Your post really hit home for me!! I have read this a few times on here...but the way you worded it. It just makes a lot of sense to me tonight. I agree...he is a child. I have 'his number.' There was a time, maybe two weeks ago...I'd be all weepy over this nonsense. Tonight, I laughed. It's progress! Thank you very much for your thoughts here.
May 8 - 7PM
Hunter
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D40

They all so the same shit. He called, he wanted you to call back, or text, Then they say "oh no I didn't call you". So it fucks with your head. As for you, his mission accomplished! Scrambled Eggs Hunter
May 8 - 7PM (Reply to #10)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Hunter

LMAO! Yes...you are right. I actually laughed a lot about it all tonight. No tears. Just shook my head when I saw his reply. lol I told my daughter about all this, but didn't relate it to me. Asked her how hard/easy is it to when you're deleting texts, to call someone? Anyways...she has a touch screen phone (iphone), and she said...you have to press 'call' if you're in your text messages, for a call to go through. She said...''it's pretty hard to do mom.'' If someone wanted to delete someone's texts, all they have to do, she said, is delete their name one time in the text message area, and it deletes all the messages at one time. She said...''unless the person is a no lifer, and is looking at every single text before deleting.'' hahahaha! YES, darlin...he's a no lifer. I'm grateful this didn't go too far, because I'm thankful she and my son never met him. That woulda been bad, I have a feeling having met him they'd lose all respect for me. :=( Funny how things work out for the best. Just want you all to know, this didn't set me back. I'm of the mindset now? After all he has done on the website to grab my attention ...this is just another stupid attempt. Hunter, you're right...he wanted a reply. Thanks for listening everyone...scrambled eggs. Yes. I am glad I can come here and just vent/share all this nonsense with you all.
May 8 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I find it interesting how

I find it interesting how alike they all are. If anyone here doesn't get it, Im not sure what they need to see the truth. This is a real disorder. Happy Mother's Day Hunter
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
Deidre40
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I still need to call you

I still need to call you hunter! I'll try tomorrow... :=) I agree. It is very much a disorder. I didn't think so early on...when I first came to this site last year. But, the patterns all of these men share between all of our stories. I mean...it's bizarre. TTY soon... {{hugs}}
May 8 - 7PM
kgirl
kgirl's picture

{{{Deidre}}} Sorry:( you've

{{{Deidre}}} Sorry:( you've been through so much with him lately! Geez....it's all a mindf*&k! Usually there's a motive with them, but we'll never know what they're really up to. It's hard to figure out normal human behavior, much less these twisted pretzels (gotta love Hunter :) Even if it is an honest mistake, every contact messes with our heads...thats why we have to block them out in every possible way! I'm not sure if that helps :) big hug for you dear lady! ~KG
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #8)
Deidre40
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KG

Yes...for the first time...tonight I thought, KG...wow, this is getting boring and old. lol I was telling you in pm, that in the beginning, some of us 'want' the hoover. Not that we want to take the person back (I never did)...but, we need some confirmation of their 'love.' Hoovering though is not about us...it's about their endless need for attention and supply. And in this case? He wants to win. I broke up with him, and he just can't accept it. Not because he cares about me, as a woman. But, because in his head...he lost control, and that's humiliating. I was humiliated all DURING the relationship...but I guess that doesn't count. lol But...the fog has lifted. And I see all of this for what it is...games. The thought never crosses his mind to say...''dee...I'm sorry I hurt you. Can we get back together?'' I WOULD NOT TAKE THIS MAN, BACK. REST ASSURE. I'm just saying. That is what a well adjusted person does. Thanks KG!! Happy mother's day to you!
May 8 - 6PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Oh Gosh! Isn't it crazy how

Oh Gosh! Isn't it crazy how much we analyze what they did because nothing is as it should be? You have to just let it go and move on. Who knows what he was or wasn't doing. They are nuts and it's best to try not to get in their heads. You're doing just fine and just remain no contact. Remember that they do whatever they can to get supply. Any contact at all is supply. 8-)
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

You know Happy iono about you

You know Happy iono about you but I'm tired of feeling this way about them . This is giving them too much power imo. I think that when they call or do or say something silly don't respond at all. don't give them a snack nothing.
May 8 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

findingme

I absolutely LOVE this 'snack' analogy. Thanks for this. I'm glad I shared this, because I want to be honest about all this nonsense. I am strong, but I admit. It's almost a knee jerk reaction when he calls, writes...to reply. Thanks for letting me share, everyone...without judgement. NC isn't so much hard in the sense that I miss him, or want him back. Not at all. But, in the sense that it's an old habit, dying hard.
May 9 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
findingmeagain
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No problem

Like I said the games is wearing thin with me . I'm kinda angry right now so I when I see someone else going thru what I was three weeks ago I get pissed off. These guys all use the same tactics stay NC thats right don't give them a snack, a meal, a appetizer , nothing. Just keep remembering what a child he is and you're not getting paid for BABYSITTING lol. stay NC and meet a real guy I can't wait until I'm strong enough to meet someone and have an actual meaningful relationship.
May 8 - 6PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

Depends on the POV your take I think

As normal person, I know there have been times, I've missed my narc and re-ntered their contact information in my vidcam address list (without intention of calling!), or contact lists...and then the freaking programs immediately sent inviations to him before I could stop them (and I'm cringing in horrror!). As a narc, he could be playing mind games and likely is I'm thinking playing with your mind. I think he was testing you. But then I don't think like a narc, so its just an opinion without my knowing squat about it.
May 8 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Deidre40
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Yes...I have done this

Yes...I have done this myself. But, yes you and I are 'normal.' :P Here's my thing. If he did do it by mistake...you don't need to write a paragraph saying how you're sitting there deleting all my texts. Just say...dialed by mistake. He wants to stay in my head. I've figured it out. He wants to be on my mind. Doesn't want me forgetting him. The website. Him calling me last week. Telling me off. (for absolutely no reason) Not removing my pics from his profile on that site. Acting super nice on the website...and in texts (my bad I texted him when he was banned)...allll to lure me in to what happened last week. It's Mother's Day and this chump couldn't even say happy mother's day, I'm sorry I was a dick last week? Honestly, he is very strange. I wish everyone could see this side. Well, some people must, because he was banned...so...lol Thanks for the thoughts, soapergirl!!