He loves his mommy

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#1 Sep 20 - 8PM
foreverfun1
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He loves his mommy

i remember being so hurt that after being his girlfriend for over 6 months i discovered that he had never mentioned me to his family or friends! He was my world but i wasn't even worth mentioning. when i saw how enmeshed he was with his mother i saw that i wasn't even significant to him (despite being at his house every night and having sex and cooking for him). I recently read online somewhere that narcissistic sons of narcissistic mothers never marry til their mother dies.

It explains why his 45 year old brother still lives at home too. Anyway, i think in his mind his mother is the only one as great as he is. so no other woman is anything to him but for sex.

as a side note, he bought his mommy nice gifts for christmas but not a single gift or even a card for me! i of course got him lots of thoughtful gifts , but get this, his mommy only got him a crappy pair of slippers and she is loaded with money. he was so upset, but he still didn't realize he had done the same only worse to me!

Oct 4 - 9AM
Trulybroken
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I keep coming back to this

I keep coming back to this thread because I so relate. For years with my ex, I could not for the life of me, understand the enmeshment with his Mother. I've never ever everrrrrrrrrrrrrr saw my ex cry, not even when his son was on the floor once with such a headache and he thought his kid was about to die. He didn't cry when I was diagnosed with an illness, but I did see the big asshole cry when his mother lost her job. He was besides himself with how his mother will find work and he may have to move in with her. This is at at time I had left him for 2 months (verbal abuse) and took him back. He wasn't sad about us, no, he was sad cause Mommy lost her job. When I left this pc of shit and called his mom to tell her he cheated and was a sick liar. She acted shocked and she said to me "Well maybe had you let him and his kids move in with you after these last 5 yrs, maybe he would not have had to got on the computer at night to look for other women" Yeah, lady FUCK YOU! Then she says "My son is very immature and I wish he would move away and find a home and grow up" This from an idiot who moved into his apartment building. And this from a women who still hangs with her ex (my ex's dad) after being divorced for 25 yrs. She clings to him and his GF like white on rice. My ex and his Dad, Dad's GF and his pathetic mother do almost every meal together, hang out, shops, like one huge cult. They all live on the same floor of this apt building. I always found it strange and my therapist told me it was sick and strange and a lot of our fights were about this. Makes me rejoice to think I am no longer with this 47 yr old loser!
Oct 3 - 9PM
meik11
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My N is 45 years old and his

My N is 45 years old and his mom lives with him. She knew me because she saw me come and go but we never had a conversation. He would say things to me like my mother is going to live with me until she dies and don't nobody love me but my mother which would get me really upset because here I am showing you and telling you I love you everyday and you say this to me. One of the worst things about this entire situation is looking back realizing all the bull sh*t youe accepted.
Sep 24 - 5PM
Elena
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Good rule of thumb

I think a "good rule of thumb" for a relationship with anyone "narcissist" or not, is - if he doesn't show appreciation and that he cares for you, he doesn't deserve you, and cutting the relationship benefits and details you do for him is a good idea. This is something I have practiced in the many layers of life, if someone is not reciprocating, don't give anymore, because if you do it's just taken for granted and not appreciated or seen as valuable. And sometimes we think that giving more is better, but sometimes "less is more"
Sep 24 - 7PM (Reply to #58)
bedrtimes
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couldnt agree more. i cant

couldnt agree more. i cant remember how many times the "taking me for granted" thing was brought up by me. if they cant treat you like you are at least as important as they are then dont waste your energy and love on them. no one will ever be as important as they are to themselves. he used to say to me start showing me all the love i want and youll get it right back. yeah right.
Sep 24 - 6PM (Reply to #57)
foreverfun1
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elena

these are excellent words of wisdom. i wish i knew them before i invested so much in the narc but at least i know it now. they somehow always make us feel like we arent doing enough, so we lose sight of reality and keep doing more and trying harder, but hopefully we will all be wiser next time
Sep 24 - 4PM
bedrtimes
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wouldnt it be fun if all of

wouldnt it be fun if all of us whos lives have been "touched" (sarcasm) by that of a narcissist could get together and have one big party? we could invite all the men that have affected our lives so deeply. could you just imagine the horror in them when they realized what we were all getting together for? it makes me laugh just to think about it. that would be the ultimate revenge. i know they hate feeling put on the spot, called-out, and uncomfortable.
Sep 24 - 5PM (Reply to #55)
onwithmylife
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bedrtimes

I love that, force all the narcs in a room with us, the ultimate torture GREAT!!
Sep 22 - 2PM
Hunter
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That's just gross! Read up on

That's just gross! Read up on mother emeshed men!! Hunter
Sep 22 - 1PM
HorseTears
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Every time 'my' N goes back

Every time 'my' N goes back home to visit his girlfriend and family in another country he doesn't say a word about seeing his gf again, instead he is excited to see his mum. And he tells how he is with his mum, when they see they cuddle and kiss, and when sitting on sofa he puts his head on her lap, or cuddling etc.. Im not sure if that's normal or not.. He sometimes also falls 'ill' for a week staying only at his mums, not at his girlfriends place. During that time he doesn't go out, no work of course, doesnt shave at all, keeps away from everybody else. And this happens twice a year.. I find it abit odd, noone else of my friends do that..
Sep 22 - 10AM
TNR1
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Interesting....

It seemed to me that Mr. N could not stand his mother. He spoke to his father everyday but had no kind words to say about his mom. I always wondered if his father was the Narc in the family.
Sep 22 - 3AM
ifinallygotit
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i find this part of this disorder fascinating

Not in a pleasant way but the psychology is so interesting...the contradictions...mine was a big huge macho silent tough guy - but a mommy's boy and so proud of it. He even watched her soap operas and kept her things all around after she died (that might be regular male laziness - but teacups?)
Sep 23 - 12PM (Reply to #50)
Jannie In the Sun
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ifinallygotit

I find the psychology very interesting too. I see that as a sign that I am healing and so very happy to be away from the toxic man in my life.
Sep 22 - 9AM (Reply to #49)
onwithmylife
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mine

kept a lot of his mothers things when she dies, like her sweater, he gave me that, all this old furniture he kept, they never leave their mommies, so sad..........
Sep 21 - 11PM
Jannie In the Sun
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Mommy Issues and Narcs

I think that many Narcs and PD's are still stuck in their mother's vagina with the cord wound tightly around their neck. My experience: Mothers can make or break a man and whether they are overbearing, or cold and distant, it will be taken out on the little man-child's girlfriend if they don't heal that 'injury'. After dating more than one Mommy's boy, I will NEVER date a man who does not have a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries between them and their Mommy Dearest. Lesson learned this time and I am Narc free, stronger and wiser. Love it!
Sep 22 - 8AM (Reply to #43)
onwithmylife
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janine in the sun

you sum it up perfectly, the only problem is that their little man/boys do not realize or think they have a problem.........
Sep 22 - 10AM (Reply to #44)
Jannie In the Sun
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Oh yeah - that awareness thing.

Oh yeah - that awareness thing. When I called the last one out on mommy issues (after he got upset because I said something that reminded him of his negative/critical (narc) mum), he ran like a little girl. He ran right between the legs of the OW, who was more than willing to comfort him. He also runs crying to his daughter for comfort. Sad because she never had a mother and never will because of him. I am glad we can gain awareness anyway. I don't want an infantile man in my life.We cannot fix them and will probably never really understand their thinking. I can only change myself and I can't 'save' another according to my ideas of 'victiim'. After learning the facts about NPD, working on my own issues with self respect and NC, I feel so much better.
Sep 22 - 2PM (Reply to #45)
onwithmylife
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Janine in the Sun

something sad I wanted to share with you about,many years ago the narc was living in my place and we were discussing something in the small kitchen, I pointed my finer at him to make a point, I do not usually ever do that, all of a sudden he said' don't you ever point your finger at me again' and I looked real startled and said what ,did not relate it to harking back to his mother at that moment in time....
Sep 22 - 11PM (Reply to #47)
Jannie In the Sun
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onwithmylife

Ouch - I think you probably hit a nerve for sure. I can be easily wounded when someone hurts me like my parents did. The pain I felt during and after the D & D was similar to the pain of a childhood trauma I experienced. The difference between us and them is empathy towards others. They ain't got it - all about them ya know.
Sep 22 - 9PM (Reply to #46)
bedrtimes
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yep. ive had that same

yep. ive had that same scenario happen too
Sep 21 - 10PM
bedrtimes
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OMG!!! mommy is the one! i

OMG!!! mommy is the one! i went to his house one day and he couldnt find his tank tops. so, we are looking through drawers and i pulled a drawer open and froze. he said "whats wrong?" so i snapped out of it for a second and said "nothings wrong, why?" he walked over to the drawer, laughed and said,"o yeah, look what my mom did. she was here the other day while i was at work and cleaned up and folded my underwear." i stood there in some kind of unbelievable-somehwere-else trance. i said "really...thats weird." I said isnt it time that you cut the cord?" he got mad and said, "NO!! i like being my mommy's big baby!" this man is 57 years old. mommy still does grocery shopping for him and pays the bills he cant. really really sickening to me. anyone else feel this way??
Sep 22 - 10AM (Reply to #36)
Jannie In the Sun
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bedrtimes

Wow - if mothers only knew. It is a control thing and codependent to the bone. Sick indeed. 57? wow If I want another child, I'll adopt a real child, not a mama's boy.
Sep 22 - 8PM (Reply to #40)
bedrtimes
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yes 57!!!!! isnt that about

yes 57!!!!! isnt that about the age you start taking care of your parents?? after his wife moved out and took all the furniture guess who was the one to refurnish the house?? you guessed it...it was mama. dude, cut the cord and grow up. he loves boing mamas big baby. those re his words exactly. sick sick sick.
Sep 23 - 12PM (Reply to #41)
mystwoman
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You nailed it bedrtimes.

You nailed it bedrtimes. These jerks should have been taking care of THEMSELVES like adults all this time instead of constantly being parasites. When xnh cheated and dumped me, the house and furniture in it were all mine from before I'd ever met xnh. Therefore, when he moved out, xnh took his bed, his dresser, one entertainment center that we'd purchased together, and his youngest daughter's furniture from her bedroom within my house. I had helped pay for the daughter's furniture but I was not going to make the child pay for the "sins of her father". All other furniture, I retained "custody" of in the divorce settlement. Xnh lived in my house for 8 years and never contributed so much as a dime toward the mortgage, utilities, or up-keep of the home. Therefore, when he left, xnh took exactly what he'd paid for. He makes a decent salary, but xnh is a total mooch and mostly spends his pay checks on credit card debt he's made on toys for himself. Therefore, when he dumped me, xnh had two cars, three four-wheelers, a motorcycle, tons of expensive tools, a high-end very large drum set, and his youngest daughter's overpriced registered beagle...but hardly a stitch of furniture. I, also, heard that xnh's toilet in his new apartment promptly flooded badly and broke right after he moved in. So I guess that meant that xnh didn't have a "pot to piss in" as well. rofl. Want to make any guesses where xnh went for his "new" furniture to fill his apartment? You got it! Mommy's house. My friends and I had a great time poking fun at xnh behind his back about this. As we ALL know, you go to "Mommy's R Us" located 500 miles away to get furniture when you're almost 50 years old, instead of, oh say, THE FURNITURE STORE in the same town you have an apartment. These narcs are SUCH infants.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Sep 22 - 10AM (Reply to #37)
Susan32
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Guess who replaced the N?

Ns/Ps want us to feel replaceable, like used cars/toasters. But it was a toddler, MY NEPHEW, who replaced the ex-Psych prof. Besides, my brother in-law and the ex-P's father have the same first name, both went to Harvard, the ex-P and my nephew have Massachusetts in common. Yes, you guessed it, A TODDLER replaced a middle-aged Daddy's boy. I'd rather deal with a babbling 2 year old than a game-playing, immature guy pushing 50. I prefer a little boy who uses utensils like adults than a middle-aged man who will only eat anything that he can hold in his hands (I kid you not) I prefer a toddler who roughhouses with Daddy when he comes home from work than a middle-aged man who hangs out with his Daddy and his Daddy's colleagues. Of course, when I broke NC, it was to gleefully inform the ex-P that A BABY had replaced him! I upgraded!
Sep 22 - 8PM (Reply to #38)
bedrtimes
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i totally hear you. i teach

i totally hear you. i teach elementary school and appreciate their attention so much more than his. they show respect and love to their teacher so much more than the 57 year old baby. after the underwear folding incident that i mentioned earlier i asked him "does your mother still wipe your ass too?" in some senses yes because mommy still buys him his adult "wipies" as he calls them. just so sick and twisted.
Sep 22 - 9PM (Reply to #39)
Susan32
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He envied kids

It was one of the nails in the coffin of the relationship. I wanted to volunteer at a local elementary school... my friends encouraged it, as did my professors (this was junior year) The ex-Psych prof was LIVID. For some reason, I blanked out all the arguments we had in front of my classmates over my volunteering. He wanted me to make $$$. He did NOT like being compared to little kids. The Narc who calls himself "Mama's big baby" likes it;I had a Narc coworker who LIKED being called a big baby. The ex-P DID NOT. He'd call the kids "snot-nosed urchins." He always called kids demeaning things... and guess what? A year after the final D&D, he was a father to twins (whom he won't acknowledge) He was ALWAYS afraid that those kids at the school down the street would replace him... but I did one better. My NEPHEW did. My nephew is affectionate, understands the purpose of language, he's a sweet little boy (almost 2!!!)... so much more intelligent than the ex-P and I wasn't afraid of SHARING it. Yes, when I broke NC with the ex-P... I went THERE. You bet I did. Only afterwards did I find out that the ex-P's parents had moved in with him (before I broke NC), so when I compared him to my nephew who "loves his Daddy" (my words)... OUCH. The ex-P was insulting towards me in a very rote mechanical way... he'd quote Leo Tolstoy... but when I dealt him narcissistic injuries... at least I'm ORIGINAL.
Sep 22 - 8AM (Reply to #35)
onwithmylife
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bedrtimes

I know mine had enmeshment problems with mommy but yours is one for the books, UGH, freaking sicko!!!!!!!!!!!!good book called When he is Married to Mom.
Sep 21 - 10AM
mystwoman
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Both my xph and xnh were

Both my xph and xnh were emotionally married to their mommy. Yes, I'm a slow learner and I've been through this twice. Both my of xmil's were narcs themselves, and both of my husbands were completely enmeshed with their mommy. Their mommies were both very controlling and intrusive. Both of my husbands thought their mommy was the most wonderful creature in the universe. Barf. There was no room for me in my own marriages because my husbands were already emotionally married to their mommies long before I ever met them. I always felt like that quote from Princess Diana, "There were three of us in this marriage, it was a bit crowded". It was actually more than "a bit crowded". It was impossible. You hit the nail on the head with: Anyway, i think in his mind his mother is the only one as great as he is. so no other woman is anything to him but for sex. Personally, I got really tired of hearing, "My mom does this better than you, and my mom does that better than you" and one day I snapped at my first xph, "So does your mom f*ck better than me, too?" He got really angry, and told me how disgusting I was. So I told him, "Well, she does EVERYTHING ELSE better than I do. My guess is that's on the list, along with the rest of it. I hope you like it when she's on top and her dentures pop out of her mouth." If he thought I was disgusting. Fine. My "disgusting" came out in all of it's glory at that moment. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Sep 21 - 11PM (Reply to #33)
bedrtimes
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straight to the point....you

straight to the point....you said it!!!!!! its almost incestual how they relate.
Sep 21 - 9AM
Trulybroken
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Yep, my N is from a culture

Yep, my N is from a culture where they are deeply enmeshed with their mother's My ex's mother was a nightmare. She was all in his face, Calling to ask him what he ate for breakfast, lunch and supper. She also moved into his building and lives down the hall. Then his Dad and his GF moved in on the same floor. One big happy crazy bunch!