Is he a narcissist?

I am new to this forum and am still at a place where I'm not sure I belong here. Some of the stories I have read are so traumatic and obviously N behavior. I suspect my husband is a "high functioning" N. He exhibits many of the characteristics (lack of empathy/compassion, extreme self-absorption, arrogance, attention seeking, know-it-all, super competitive, compulsively bossy, etc.), but he is clearly not the grandiose type. He is not physically or verbally abusive, and has not cheated to my knowledge (goes against his religious beliefs). But I have only begun noticing these character traits within the last year to the point that I feel like he is not even the same person I married at all. We've know each other 25 years, friends for 11 before dating, married for 12. How could I not have seen this in all these years?

I had been having all these emotions and thoughts about why our marriage seemed to be falling apart and why I was becoming so disgusted by some of these "new" character traits of his. Then, quite by accident I picked up a book on narcissism. Several things sounded familiar so I delved further into the issue. It seemed like every thought and feeling that I had been having about what was wrong with us/him/the marriage was in the pages of these books and articles. How can it not be narcissism if it all sounds so familiar? But he's the "calm, cool, collected" type. The behaviors fall below the radar to most people. He's not NPD, but I worry that the situation will get progressively worse. And we have 2 children (most of his selfish N behavior is directed at them, although again he is not abusive or cruel...yet??)

I only recently had my first experience with his rage. He literally followed me around the house screaming at me. The look on his face was nothing I had ever seen before - scary. The scariest part was that he shut it off in a split second and walked out the door to go to church with our son as if nothing had happened. Almost inhuman the way he shut it down so quickly.

Is he an N?