He wins again! This is what happened last night

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#1 Jul 19 - 12AM
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

He wins again! This is what happened last night

Its gonna be long....

Guys I am so mad at myself. I let him win again! So the nice guy has been around the last week or so. Hes been telling me how he will change and is going to prove it to me, He wants to be together in the future, he wont ruin it this time, he wont leave me, he loves me, he wont turn into an ass, he knows he is the issue, blah blah blah. I keep telling him no and that maybe one day we can be friends but the problem is that I KEEP talking to him. We both left for the weekend on trips, but I came home early. I didnt have service and I think he only does half of the time and he is on a boat alot so we havent talked much since friday afternoon. And the last thing he said to me is he knows hes a jerk and chances are he will mess something up but he knows that I am in his future and if I work on not getting mad so easy he will work on not being a jerk. I said you will be an ass though and he said I hopefully wont this time... and thats the last thing he said.

Well I went to a party last night with our mutual friends because he is out of town so I could FINALLY go hang out with everyone. I get there and there are some girls there. They were hanging out and I was pretty good friends with one of them and didnt really know the others. The girl I know starts asking me if I have talked to the N and I said yes he is hovering me again. Well they flipped! Apparently he has tried to sleep with all of them and they have turned him down. The girls that didnt know me were so grossed out that I ever dated him because they think he is disgusting. Apparently that 17 year old thinks that they are dating and he took her virginity. They told me that he slept with his best friends little sister who is 16 and took her virginity. This friend is also his room mate and his friends brother lives there too. They wanted to kick him out but cant afford rent without him right now. One of them told me that they were in his truck and when she turned him down to have sex with him he pulled out his penis and said "this is what you are missing out on baby."

Then after all of this... I go into the bathroom and I guess I didnt lock the door. One of his good friends that has been with him almost daily follows me into the bathroom. He locks the door behind him, turns off the light, picks me up and throws me on the counter, grabs my head and says "I dont even care if the N finds out about this". I ask what the hell he thinks he is doing and he said hes been thinking about it for awhile now and wants to be with me. What is this?! I think if we kept count this is the 9th one of his friends to do this same shit! I figure he HAS to be saying SOMETHING to them!

None of this really hit me last night and I just kept drinking my troubles away. Well when I get up this morning and think about everything that I heard I flipped! I hadnt heard from the N in a few nights and I wasnt sure if he had service or not but I text him. I said "what are you saying to your friends? That I am easy or good in bed?" I got an immediate response! He said "WTF? I dont talk like that to people." Then I said "Then why do all your guy friends try to sleep with me when I see them?" he said " hahaha because your tits are huge". Then I told him that I heard he slept with his friends sister and that he was dating the 17 year old. He denied sleeping with that girl of course and said that it was a huge rumor and people know its not true. Then he said hes not dating that 17 year old and he doesnt care what people say or think and asked who I was with who would tell me such things.

I didnt tell him who I was with but I told him everything else that I heard and said that he is disgusting and that it will never work with me and him ever and that I dont want to see him. He hasnt responded in hours and now I feel like I am going to have a panic attack. I am not sure if he doesnt have service and will get all my psycho texts when he does or if he just doesnt want to respond. I feel like an idiot. I should have been happy that I got the nice guy and turned him down. I could have walked away with dignity and knowing that I did the final D&D, but no. Now I feel like he broke up with me all over again. I am scared that he ran away because I called him out. He usually would just deny it or be mean to me by saying its none of my business and we werent together but he just isnt responding at all.

I dont know what I want out of this situation. Part of me says GOOD it is done now, stick a fork in it. The other part wants him to respond and at least say something. I literally sent him like 10 crazy texts throughout the day. Im scared he just lost service and will read all of them later thinking that I am crazy. Knowing him though he might just pretend like I didnt say that and act normal tomorrow. I just want him to admit what he did! I could handle it and think he was gross and laugh at him if he said "yes I slept with them, yes I dont love you, yes I am nasty." Then I could stand it. I dont even want to be with him at all! Why am I so upset? I also dont want him thinking that those texts meant that I want him or am jealous. I just want him to admit what he does! I dont care who he sleeps with or if he goes to jail or what happens in his life! I dont! So why am I upset he isnt responding?

I hate the lying. I hate the he said she said game. I hate that he is so convincing. I hate that I always believe him. I hate that he plays me against people. I hate that he is not responding. I hate that I am back to this place. :(

Jul 20 - 10AM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Ok, first of all

You HAVE to get away from these people. They are SO toxic. If any man grabbed me, he'd be in for a world of hurt. You were assaulted. Why didn't you call the police? If you don't start setting boundaries and enforcing them, people aren't going to respect your wishes. "And the last thing he said to me is he knows hes a jerk and chances are he will mess something up but he knows that I am in his future and if I work on not getting mad so easy he will work on not being a jerk." Your response at that point should have been, "No, that's ok. I like who I am. You go ahead and keep being a jerk, though. Bye!" You don't let any man tell you how to act. YOU decide the kind of person you want to be, and THAT IS IT. Please get away from these horrible people. I know you want to be nice. I know you don't want to hold grudges. But there is a difference between being a kind person and being a doormat. You can be kind and yet firm and holding true to your beliefs.
Jul 20 - 10AM (Reply to #30)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

So glad to have you back

So glad to have you back NinjaGirl, we missed you. Your are right on as usual...xooxox only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 20 - 10AM (Reply to #31)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Thanks :)

I've missed you too! Work has been running me ragged lately, as have other things. In two more weeks things should be better, though.
Jul 19 - 4PM
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

Update

He text me today like nothing happened. Just like I predicted he would do. I went along with it and didnt really say anything to him about what I heard. He said that he is sleeping with the 17 year old but she goes off to college soon. He said he loves being single but wishes girls didnt fall in love with him so easy. He said he wont break her heart. He said they are just f*cking and thats all. He said I have always known what he is and who he is and I need to accept him for who he is. He said that he cares about me so I need to stop thinking that he doesnt. I just simply said "that is not enough for me." and blocked him again. I hope that I dont go back to unblocking him. I hope that I did it right this time. I got my validation AGAIN! This needs to be enough for me. I ALWAYS say well if he just said this or said that then I can move on knowing that. He admitted that he is a liar, and an ass, and a jerk. I need to let it go now. And I feel sick to my stomach. I wish I wish I wish I would have never broken NC in the first place. It was easy when he was being a horrible jerk to me. Now he misses me and will always love me and it is making the shutting him out so much harder. I have horrible knots in my tummy

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 20 - 10AM (Reply to #28)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Rainbow

Get back in that NC saddle Rainbow! What a wankerâ„¢. He doesn't love you because he's not capable. If he did love you the entire conversation above would never have happened. Wish girls didn't fall in love with him so easy? Dream on buddy. What an ass! I'm just really mad on your behalf.
Jul 20 - 10AM (Reply to #27)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

You aren't his puppet

Cut the strings. He's a sick man and you deserve SO much more. Are you really happy with 30% contentment in a relationship? And I really think I'm overestimating with that figure.
Jul 19 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

I know exactly what it feels

I know exactly what it feels like but babe he's reeling you back in. My ex gave me NO closure. I pulled the plug and he went crazy. I kept ignoring him and got a new number. Removed myself off FB. Changed my email. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER. He doesn't want to give you closure because it keeps you 'hooked' but what I realised is that you can give it to yourself. It starts with accepting reality. His actions speak louder than his empty words. Write a list of everything he has done to you. Pick five things he has done and relive those memories over and over again because these are what you brain will start to remember every time you think of the 'good times' (which are actually just hooks to keep you there/allow him to continue receiving his narcissistic supply). You are a commodity to him, a relative commodity at that. Whichever commodity fills the need (whatever that may be at whatever time) relative to the other commodities he has at his disposal (for example this 17 year old girl), he will pick that commodity over you...till that supply runs out and he picks you up for 'back-up'. You don't want to be some guys back-up. You are worth first-place. How old is this guy BTW?? Do your family/friends know? Is it possible for you to move from where you are? It sounds like you're in a really bad place and these people you are surrounded by are shocking and you need to move away from them.
Jul 19 - 5PM (Reply to #21)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Closure

They will NEVER give us closure, but that doesn't mean we can't help each other get closure and we will.
Jul 19 - 5PM (Reply to #22)
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

I'm interested to hear about

I'm interested to hear about your ex Lisa. How long have you been apart? I saw your interview where you said he had been diagnosed as a pathological narcissist. How did you get him to see a psychiatrist?! What did he say about your book? Assuming he knows of it. I think what you've done here is amazing. No-one understood my experiences and I felt really isolated from people/reality as a consequence. I think you're really brave. My ex I believe had the potential to be violent and I would never openly admit to him that I know the degree of his issues because I would fear the consequences so I admire what you have done.
Jul 19 - 11PM (Reply to #23)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Aliveagain

Thank you so much! I really appreciate what you said. We have been divorced for a little over seven years now. Towards the end of our marriage, he was going to a psychologist for about a year and a half when all of sudden he asked me to go with him. Believe it or not, some N's like psychologists because they feel they have a captivated audience to listen to them drone on and on about how wonderful they are. When he had to cancel or move an appointment, he would always make some random comment about how disappointed his therapist was going to be because he knew he was the highlight of her day. No joke. The arrogance is mind-boggling. A couple years after our divorce, I contacted him to ask him the name of the book by Chrisopher Lasch that he was reading the night before I had my epiphany that he suffers from narcissism. His immediate response was "Why? Are you writing a book about me?!" No joke. He guessed it. I said, "Well, yes I am because I want to help people recognize the implications narcissism has on a relationship. If you don't want me to write it, I will respect your wishes." He said, "No, go ahead, you might as well get something after all I put you through" and laughed that manic laugh of his. Fastforward 6 months. The initial draft of the book is done and I e-mail it to him to make sure there wasn't anything in there he felt uncomfortable about. All of a sudden he is shocked that I am doing this and I received countless e-mails from his new fiance telling me I was trying to sabotage their upcoming wedding. Well, I worked with him to delete some things he didn't want mentioned and in return, he signed a waiver stating he was fine with me sharing our story and his poems. He laughed and said something about his poems finally getting published and that was that. Many people still can't believe he signed a waiver, but I simply respond by telling them that this is exactly what a narcissist will do. Any attention (good or bad) is good to them. As long as they get noticed.
Jul 20 - 4AM (Reply to #24)
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

So true! I remember mine

So true! I remember mine saying to me "I love drama. I love the chaos, I LOVE the talk". I remember thinking "You are a fkn weirdo"...and then I got involved with him. I remember laughing so hard when he said that because I thought it was absurd and that he couldn't have been being serious. At least for you he admits he is one and from the sounds of things acknowledges what he has done to you. Mine pretends there is nothing he has done and I hate the fact that I believe he will be spreading malicious rumours about me, like he did the others. Your reputation is important, you know so this really upsets me, probably more than what he actually did!
Jul 20 - 4AM (Reply to #25)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Reputation

I struggled with this for a while. It went like this. If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one!If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one!If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one!If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one!If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one!If I leave him everyone will think I am the crazy one! Then I had a tiny voice in my head that said...LET THEM!! After that I took on the idea that I am the crazy one. I just made sure that there were a few people that knew the truth in case I turned up dead or missing.

Nevergoback

Jul 20 - 5AM (Reply to #26)
awayfromhim
awayfromhim's picture

I know this one well. My

I know this one well. My thinking was wrapped around the fact the so many people considered him a great guy. I had to be crazy, just like he told me, if he was this great guy that I hated, right? And you are correct, others may consider you the crazy one but simply because of the smear campaign he most likely pulled. I mean, could the N go and tell people that I divorced him because he's an alcoholic, abusive narcissist? Um, no. I was laughing to myself once envisioning him saying to the new GF "hey!! I'm a great nasty prick who liked slapping my wife around. Let's go to dinner!!" Pffftt.
Jul 19 - 2PM
Aliveagain
Aliveagain's picture

I just read your post and

I just read your post and looked at your pic. I thought "Wow, this girl is beautiful". ...then... "She's in SERIOUS trouble". He's committing criminal offenses. He is a loser. What you've got right now is an emotional attachment caused by hormones flooding your system. You KNOW this because your LOGIC is at odds with your feelings: You FEEL Love, you know its not. Those feelings won't last forever - if you stay, if you go. What will is a lifetime of MISERY if you stay with this SICK ANIMAL. Imagine this: - Not having any of this drama - Not wondering what he is thinking/feeling/doing - Not worrying - Not be anxious, afraid, abused, raped? Of the 6 billion+ people out there that exist, the above is something you can have, from a plethora of people. This guy is ill and he will make you ill. Keep doing what you've always done, keep getting what you've always got. Right now you're letting emotions dictate your life. IGNORE THEM - they will abate, I promise. You've got a good head on your shoulder, use it! Imagine if this was your daughter - and heaven forbid you have one with him! - what would you want for her? Would you give her a pass to misery because she was worried? NO! You can be worried, worry from a distance. You should report that A-hole who did whatever he did, too. This guy wants you not because you're sh*t like he probably claims but because you are amazing. If you really were mad/crazy/unloveable/ugly/whatever he wouldn't want you, would he? If you were like him, he wouldn't want you. All you're getting right now is a 'fix'...a hormonal 'fix' which keeps getting strengthened each time he makes you yo-yo around. You're like an addict. And like an addict you can be free of your addiction. It starts and stops with you. Pick yourself up and kick this piece of cr*p to the curb. XXX
Jul 19 - 12PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Rainbow, I just want to say

Rainbow, I just want to say one thing. I was looking at your picture here. You are such a beautiful young girl. You have a heart of gold and you have no reason in the world to settle for less than what you deserve. You have the whole package to offer the right person when you are ready. Dont waste your precious time or life on a looser that will never give you anything but misery. Focus on yourself now. This is your time. Face your fears of loss and move forward to a brighter tomorrow. Its there honey waiting for you to take it. xoxoxox only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #15)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

I worry

I know that I have mentioned before that I dont cry. I can handle pretty much anything that you throw at me. But when I read what you just wrote I got all teary eyed. Thank you for validating my existence. I need more therapy or something! The thing is I worry about him. I am worried he will go to jail for rape charges, I worry he will get an STD for sleeping around, I worry he will pull his new gun out on the wrong person, I worry he will get kicked out for sleeping wiht his room mates sister, I worry he will continue to disappoint his family, I worry he will push everyone away that cares about him, I worry he will get hurt on one of his toys, I worry he will have road rage on the wrong person, I just worry for him. I dont know how not to. He could do horrible things to me but I would be right there in the hospital to cheer him up if he asked. It is hard to harden your heart to someone when you care so much for people. I think I really need to work on setting boundries and having self worth......

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #16)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Rainbow...

but who's worrying for you (besides everyone here)? You're so focused on him you aren't clearly seeing that you're in far more danger than he is, and because of him. Go back and read what you wrote as though your best friend wrote it. Who would you be worried for?
Jul 19 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Wholeagain hit the nail on

Wholeagain hit the nail on the head.... Whos gonna worry for you Rainbow? Is it the N? Great post! only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 19 - 11AM
Janet
Janet's picture

Rainbow it sounds, from what

Rainbow it sounds, from what I read, like you were raped that night in the bathroom. Please take the abuse that is actively happening to you very seriously. Each time more abuse happens it continues to erode self esteem. No one should be treated the way you are being treated. And you are the only person who can put a stop to it. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jul 19 - 8AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Rainbow ask yourself what is

Rainbow ask yourself what is it that you ultimately want to achive here. Do you want him to love, adore and respect you? This is not going to happen honey. He has proved this over and over. He is never going to change. So lets pretend for a second that you have a clear concept and believe whole heartedly that this is NEVER going to change. That he will never give you what you need to be happy. Now what do you want for your life? What do you see for yourself? If it is still to be in an abusive relationship then all advice is worthless. If it is to find another way to a better more healthy life then get rid of him now and start recovery. Your being used xoxoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 19 - 5AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Im so sorry your narc is a

Im so sorry your narc is a narc , like you i found it almost imposible to turn my narc down when he truned on the charm but always was that nagging feeling something was very wrong . Betty posted some excelent post on emotional imaturity of the narc , in short they can not go past the honeymoon period into something real and mature , they cant because intimacy is an alien concept to them , it scares the pants off them , with mine also an alfa male intamacy means someone seeing that he isnt all the bravado he makes out to be ,underneath all thhe hard man bollocks he is in fact"Ken from accounts".. you know the kind of guy who still lives in his mums bacement at 50 ... Its all an act , but he will break you first before he breaks because he has no consience with his behaviour , he will fight so dirty because he dosnt have the emotion you have . I share all the same friends with my narc and it sucks , while going no contact i couldnt go to partys or events for a good 3 months , the friends i could trust i have seen but the ones i couldnt i let go . In a couple of years i will be 40 arrrggggg shhhhh i never said theat lol but what i do know is the friends i had in my 20 and the ones i have now are all diffrent , i would branch out if i where you . Go out with the "nice guy " you mentioned proberly as friends at first but its a start , he will have friends and so on and so forth, It seems to me you are too mature for the company you keep , this happens , the cracks begin to show after a while with friends , take the good ones with you and come to england !lol ... what i mean is there is a whole world out there , its so easy to get bogged down in small life and small people that you foget there are 6 billion people in this world to meet ! Big Love to you .. Scoop x
Jul 19 - 12AM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Rainbow

Look honey while you keep hooking back into him you will be kept in this perpetual crazy spin cycle. When I was 23 I had a baby, yet I cried myself to sleep every night for a year, and every night I wished I would die in my sleep and was always disappointed to wake up to another day. On top of this, having a baby, I felt guilty for feeling like this. This guy kept trying to hoover me for two years...basically until I started seeing someone else, and I pretty much got the Mel Gibson tirade. Pushed a lot of buttons listening to it actually. I nearly threw my coffee cup through the TV screen...lol Unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to learn what you can learn now. It is NOT your fault. You cannot change him. NC is the only way you are going to start seeing this from a different perspective. 5 months out I still have my "moments" actually had one today, but they get fewer and further between when we get to finally accepting that it is what it is and we cannot change it. Mine still does the odd thing to get me to react, and even though I know what is coming, I still have a mini eruption when it happens. It's about learning to ride it out and try to put the focus back on yourself. Finally you need to get yourself some new friends. The crowd your with now obviously has no respect for you, so lose them. This is about recreating your life in the manner you wish and DESERVE to be treated. These people are treating you like this because they think they can. Don't let them define who you are. Every time you go looking for validation he will get you again, build you up, then smash you down. You cannot win this except by taking back your control by not responding. It is your first step to taking your power back. Even if it does not feel like it, it is true. Keep trying for NC...you will get there xoxo

Nevergoback

Jul 19 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

I forgot

I was doing so good on NC and felt great! I felt like myself again. I blocked him from texting me and almost made it a week before he called, then called, then called. I gave in. And I forgot to tell you guys that I also stupidly told him on friday that I liked this nice guy better than the jerk and said maybe we could be good friends. He said he will keep it up this time and prove to me that he isnt a jerk anymore. I dont believe him at all and know he is lying but part of me wants to watch him try. I want to watch him hover. I want to watch him beg and plead. How sick is that? I need to reblock him but I am waiting for a response. I am waiting for something. He will be back on tuesday and I am wondering if he will say anything. I also hope that mutual friend of ours tells that girl that thinks she is his OW what he has been saying and trying to get back with me. She needs to know!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 19 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

rainbow

I agree with the others that you need to be sure you have a way to defend yourselves against these guys. Do you have pepper spray? If not, please get some. You mentioned how you worry about him all the time. We talked about this on another thread - how they're like children whom we worry about. But why?!! We are not responsible for them. They are adults and it's not our responsibility to save them from themselves. You don't want a kid as a romantic partner. You want a man. This guy is nothing but a loser. You must stop worrying about him. You are not his mother! He can fend for himself. Besides, is he worried about you? No, so who needs him? Not you! You deserve so much better!
Jul 19 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

It isn't really sick, it is

It isn't really sick, it is just that hope you are still holding in your heart. I did the same thing in the end. Part of my brain really wanted to believe he had changed. I wanted to believe that his problems were only behavioral and could be fixed. I had to accept that while he could modify his n behavior, he would never change and he was hard wired that way. You are like a computer at the moment that is still trying to run that software with the same virus in it. It does not matter how many times you run it, the computer is going to crash every time. Of course you like the nice guy...but he is the fake. Dracula is standing in front of you saying "I vant to drink your blooood!"

Nevergoback

Jul 19 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

He is punishing me. AND its

He is punishing me. AND its working. damn hes good. he knows that if he doesnt respond and if he doesnt confuse to these things then i most likely wont bring them up again because i dont want to be ignored or get his narc rage. ill just forget about it because he never said it was true. ill think im my head that it probably isnt true and ill move past it. he will casually contact me and ill just drop it. hes so manipulative! im glad that i see his actions for what they are now. im glad i see his patterns. if nothing else, this is progress.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 19 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
better off
better off's picture

Rainbow, I think it's

Rainbow, I think it's important to point out that your N sounds pretty much like a psychopath to me. And so do some of his "friends." That story about the guy in the bathroom was horrible. Think about what he said, and how they view women as absolute OBJECTS. (Porn contributes to this). He said he's been thinking about it for a while now and wants to be with you... so he attempted to just "take" you. Like you're a pizza or something. I've been thinking about a pepperoni pizza all day, yum yum, no thought that YOU are a human being and might have some kind of opinion about this??? No, a woman is for "taking." I think it's important for you to see this, in order to make even more progress... because you are vulnerable to the bad guys, not just "your" N. It's not ABOUT what the N did or didn't say about you, or sex or anything, it's about the mentality of people who think they can TAKE a woman as if she is an object like a car. "I'm going to drive N's car, and I don't care if he finds out. It's a sweet car." That's basically what he said to you. Your N says other INSANE things about how he's decided he's going to be in your life. YOUR life. As if it's not actually YOUR life, but it's his decision if he's in it and not yours. That's fundamentally how he thinks. That's very dangerous and you must learn to recognize this kind of stuff to be safe in the future... BEFORE you even found out all this stuff at the party, he said some very bad things to you, bad things while he was supposedly being nice. You said: "And the last thing he said to me is he knows hes a jerk and chances are he will mess something up but he knows that I am in his future and if I work on not getting mad so easy he will work on not being a jerk. I said no you will be an ass and he said hopefully I won't this time... and thats the last thing he said." There are so many red flags in that single paragraph it's astounding. He knows he's a jerk and chances are he will mess something up Okay, this part is true. The chances are 100% that he will mess it up. Even HE knows he's a jerk and will mess it up. Actually he's busy being a sexual predator pretty much all the time. HE KNOWS THAT I AM IN HIS FUTURE This is NOT a romantic or "nice" thing to say. He is saying that it is not up to you! It is up to him! Please please please see this as the predatory, possessive, controlling NUTTY comment that it is. He has said stuff like this before. And this is the point of hoovering. It's not because he likes YOU, it's because he views women and objects and property. He thinks you "belong" to him in THAT sense, not as a person, but the whole "toy on the shelf" thing. and if I work on not getting mad so easy he will work on not being a jerk. IOW, it's your fault that he's a jerk. And it's your fault if you get mad at him for being a jerk. What he's cutting a deal? T not be a jerk? Like you have to earn good treatment from him. Now he will just say, See, I told you you needed to work on not getting mad so easy, so I am going to be a jerk now, and you caused it. What a creep! And come ON!! "Being a jerk?" How about being a sick sexual predator, thief, freak, abuser. A Jerk? That's a guy holding up traffic because he's talking on his phone, not a guy who seduces teenagers and exposes himself to them and watches porn on the highway and steals his girlfriend's stuff, and abuses her in public, puts her comforter on his bed, and uses her pictures as bait for other women who might feel sorry for him, and breaks into her apartment, and and and... that's a psychopath. I said no you will be an ass and he said hopefully I won't this time HOPEFULLY I won't? Oh, I see, so there is his disclaimer that HOPEFULLY he won't be an ass this time. And he's not an ASS, he's a PSYCHOPATH. That's like saying, hopefully he won't be a psychopath this time. Is that possible? Do people stop being psychopaths? No. He is a dangerous, vile person, rainbow. PLEASE use this experience to truly get away from him and not talk to him. You are so much better than that.
Jul 19 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

I second this

I couldn't say anything better than BetterOff has here. I too am REALLY concerned about the "friends" who're being aggressive in a very scary way. Seriously Rainbow--have you considered getting a canister of pepper spray and carrying it with you at all times? You can order it online and fits on your keychain or I even have one that looks like a little lipstick...you are not safe around these guys, especially if you're drinking around them (and they around you). These guys clearly see you as vulnerable and a target, and that's got to stop before something worse happens. Oh and, he may have "won" the round but he's not going to win the fight--you're getting way too smart for him.
Jul 19 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

betteroff

Thank you thank you thank you for taking the time to write that! What is my issue? I know that I dont want to be with him at all, but its like I am still holding on to see what happens next. I know he isnt capable of change and I wouldnt take him back even if he did change so why am I sitting here watching him run around like a chicken with his head cut off? I need to get stronger. I know if I go NC he will try harder and harder until he eventually gives up. I know him. I know his patterns. The problem is that I cave every time after awhile. I gotta stop!

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 19 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Rainbow

I'm playing catch-up but see some great advice posted here. You know what you need to do. You know you don't want to be with this man. Apparently, you feel the need for more proof. It's not healthy and I'm concerned about you, but everyone must go at their own speed. It's not about perfection, but about progress. Keep picking yourself back-up, girl. You know what you need to do. We are here for you. xoxo