*help* divorcing a narcissistic attorney*

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#1 Feb 17 - 9AM
savemysanity
savemysanity's picture

*help* divorcing a narcissistic attorney*

I am in the very beginning stages of divorce after 16 years of marriage. He is the one who has filed, and I know that he has been planning for quite some time. I've been a stay at home mother for the last 14 years and have been completely dependent upon him. Our house, cars, and investments have always been in his name only. (Just like a true narcissist he convinced me that was normal and he was just saving me the trouble of dealing with closings etc.) We live far away from all family (because he said that living by family always causes problems), except for one of his brothers who is an associate at his firm. All of the mail goes to his office. He is a partner in a law firm and has been able to hide money in different "investments" that do not even have his name on them. He has filed with a judge that is his friend (or so he tells me to scare me). In the beginning he told me that I shouldn't even get a lawyer because it would be a waste of money and that I would get more from him than the courts would give me. Didn't fall for that one! The list could go on and on.

So not only am I divorcing a narcissist, I'm divorcing a narcissistic well know attorney. He is know for winning cases where his clients are clearly in the wrong. He is very good in the court room and can manipulate and find wholes in everything. There are attorneys who won't even take a case once they find out he is the opposing council because they know how he is and do not want to deal with him. Thank goodness for my family and their support helping me find a attorney to represent me. We had to go outside our area and make sure he did't have ties to my husband.

I know that he has baited me into things to build his case. He has tried to convince everyone, including me, that I am crazy. He took all of our money and put it in accounts with only his name on them because he was worried that I would spend it all due to the fact he thought that I wasn't emotionally stable.

There is a lot more that goes into this story, but my main issue right now is how to handle the whole thing. He has been threatening me with money and the kids (no judge in their right mind would grant you custody). He has been beating and tearing me down completely. My parents and friends have been telling me for years to get out and that he was an abusive narcissist but it was not until recently that it all finally clicked and everything became crystal clear. I feel like such an idiot for taking so long to see what is now so obvious.

He wants to settle out of court. We have mediation this Friday. The last few days he has been extremely nice and accommodating. He told me that we should just mutually agree on things to save me from having to pay for legal fees (which he tells me he will not pay a dime on). What is really going on is that he doesn't want to get exposed not only publicly, but in his work community. His settlement offer is joint custody, with him as the parent with the final say, and will give me enough money to pay the bills, but nothing more. I am not worried about the custody issue because I know that I will always have them any way. He's too selfish with his time. Although I know I'll be getting screwed on the money and that he will control me with that and the kids, I also know that if I go away quietly he will be easier to deal with while co-parenting. I also know that if I don't stand up to him I will spend the next 18 years being controlled by this man who has destroyed me already. Damned if I do damed if I don't . So I guess my question is which of the two evils should I choose?

Feb 17 - 11AM
lessonlearned
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my opinion

Feb 17 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Great advice LL

Feb 17 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Be Strong and hire an

Feb 17 - 9AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Way too complicated

Feb 17 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, sms, and I am so

spinning