Help Please - Need a Distraction / His Upcoming B-Day is Triggering Me

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#1 Sep 28 - 6PM
anonymous
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Help Please - Need a Distraction / His Upcoming B-Day is Triggering Me

Please help me all. His b-day is coming up and I thought it would trigger him but now it's triggering me. I am so sad and missing him so much. Please help me and remind me why I have to be strong and never contact him again. I want to contact him so badly and tell him that I will always love him. Please help me focus. =(

=(

=(

=(

Sep 30 - 7AM
ewa
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Do not think that you will

Do not think that you will always love him. You might think so you will. Well he will probably stay in your heart for some time. But slowly you will stop loving him. And it will start happening when you will start see things clearly. It sounds impossible now , I know but trust me it will happen. Just stay NC and try to do stuff for yourself. Put yourself tasks to complete and keep yourself busy. I wish you all the best xx
Sep 29 - 10AM
janine
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Why you have to be strong

Because you have been doing so well and do not want to risk this. Because you'd be feeling rotten and you'd find it difficult to respect yourself (you of all people! when I just think what you wrote in your story!). Because though he would possible love to hear from you, he'll resent you for what happened before. Because he would eventually hurt and upset and annoy and unnerve you.....need I go on? Stay strong and instead of thinking of his birthday, have a celebration for yourself, as it is his first birthday without you there!
Sep 29 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

morty

something i noticed with exnh, that regaurdless of how many cards he got... he only obbsessed about the people who hadnt sent him one... when i got with narc... the first year , i didnt send a card i sent a text, cos i hadnt seen him for a while....when i next saw him, when he was ready of course to turn up, i said did you get my birthday text he said yeah.... but i didnt get a card or text from names..... and i thought and you will never get a card or text from me again..he hadnt even said thankyou.... my point beign,,,please dont send a card.... for this reason... a bit more.. i dumped myexh and narc at same time last year,,, xmas and birthday still got cards and money from exh.lol..... b/c when we were married i didnt get money cos he didnt work.... and on my actual birthday narc came and found me... and wished me happy birthday... no i didnt responed....now here,s the punchline... its my exhs birthday tomorrow... nope there will be no card from me.. its also a milestone birthday.... lets hope he looks back and remembers the good times....
Sep 29 - 8AM
tica
tica's picture

Birthday MOJO

I got myself so worked up about NC on his birthday..I had a date that night, which i didn't really want to do, but knew it would keep me busy and less tempted to call XN..during the date, I dropped 2 glasses at 2 different places we went..one was a water glass!! I really think the N put a mojo on me! I couldn't explain it and it has never happened to me before, I'm may things, but not clutzy...I have to laugh now, but at the time it was like I could hear him laughing..I got by that day, and then my birthday came and nothing from him...so for now he seems to be backing off..if I had contacted and then he hadn't contacted back, I would be right back to the beginning and have lost my power, right now, we hold the power, remember that.
Sep 28 - 10PM
2RudeInAK
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All He Wants for His B-day is ..

He wants A WOMAN WHO IS WILLING TO SACRIFICE WHO SHE IS to satisfy him. Are you ready? I didn't think so........
Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #48)
Susan32
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Speaking of sacrifice...

I'd be willing to sacrifice the ex-P on the altar of the Muse of Comedy, Thalia. It would be so fitting. Can I get an Amen????
Sep 28 - 9PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Morty

Here's a good reason not to contact. I have spoken with mine in the last week and guess what? I feel like total shit again. Imagine that? He too has a birthday next week
Sep 29 - 9AM (Reply to #40)
Alive
Alive's picture

just imagine

That, so has my exN got a b'day next week. What do they all come crawling into this world in the month of October? lol
Sep 29 - 10AM (Reply to #46)
Used
Used's picture

october

as long as they are not all the same man...lol.
Sep 29 - 9AM (Reply to #41)
Susan32
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What is it with autumn?

A pastor friend of mine (who died during the D&D, a decade ago), my sister, my brother in-law AND the ex-Psych professor have September birthdays. Weird.
Sep 29 - 10AM (Reply to #42)
Used
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autumn

does that mean they are concieved christmas..... wow what a thought...lol
Sep 30 - 2AM (Reply to #45)
Alive
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spooky

LOL. :)
Sep 29 - 10AM (Reply to #44)
Used
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oh dear

sorry the way it was written i thought you ment they were all narc,s...... 4 nwomen i know were born in the same month.... now that is spooky.
Sep 29 - 10AM (Reply to #43)
Susan32
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Happy New Year(???)

I have great relationships with my sister and brother in-law. I had a good one with the pastor who passed away a decade ago. The ex-P is the September Exception. Actually, those born in September were more likely to be conceived in January.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #39)
anonymous
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Sorry S

=( But thanks for reminding me that I'd feel like shit if I did. I liked the post that said he would react in either of two ways - gloat/hoover or aloof/discarding. Either way, I'd feel like shit. I know that. I will be strong.
Sep 28 - 9PM
onwithmylife
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ONWITHMYLIFE

Morty, I have broken contact before in the past and each time i have gotten a more hateful letter than the previous one so I hope I am about done,my therapist asked me what do you gain by contacting him, the wishful dream that maybe he will see the light, epiphany time, what a joke not anymore.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #29)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

OWML

I know. I just wish he hadn't said all of the things he said to purposely make me believe that there might still be a someday. He kept telling me over and over that it wasn't me - it was the "situation" (my daughter and the fact he couldn't handle being with the mother of a young child). And I know that for that reason alone - I should forget about him. But he kept telling me that I was the perfect woman for him but he couldn't be with me because he couldn't share me and it was driving him crazy. So I keep thinking he's pining for me. I know this is nuts. I know he doesn't deserve me. I just wish I could hate him. I wish I could honestly and truly believe that everything he says is a bunch of bullshit.
Sep 28 - 10PM (Reply to #35)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

((((morty))))

None of this is nuts and neither are you for feeling weak and distracted and forgetful. Let me help you here... I am 48 now, my children are both grown and on their own. The relationship with my son is just now getting on track. That one was easier after he'd spent time in Iraq and came back after seeing so much devastation that the "little things just don't seem to mean as much". ~ He's always had a pretty good understanding of human nature. (and I could go on and on about what my son went through with his father as well as my 2nd H&N.... as well as my inability to be an attentive mom). Now my daughter??... that's a whole different story... she's still angry, hurt, resentful, etc because I just couldn't be there for her completely because I was so busy trying to survive the 'N' relationships, trying to keep my head afloat in sanity when I chose to place us in such insanity... but I am actively working on the relationship and will keep you updated on what happens this weekend for her and my "spa day". Today? I have forgiven myself and I am at grips with what happened and the consequences I am now experiencing... Please sweetheart as hard as this is to do ya just gotta. I promise you, when you get my age and your relationship with your daughter is intact you'll look back on all this thankful, with no regrets and a daughter that lights up when you enter the room ;) Much love, hugs & prayers for peace for your heart :) With sincerety, iAmMINE ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Sep 28 - 10PM (Reply to #37)
2RudeInAK
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((iAmMine))

48 as well and struggling with re-building/maintaining relationships with my children as a result of the N's in my life, beyond my own mistakes as a human. It isn't easy. Tonight I had a breakthrough with my oldest and we hugged as though for dear life. I never believed that would happen. honestly ....... Thanks for putting yourself out here for us .... to help us all........
Sep 28 - 10PM (Reply to #36)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

I Know

My daughter is what keeps me sane. I know that her life would have been hell had the narc lingered longer. I know that I will be able to, and do, give her my all. And she's still so little. 8. She keeps me going. It's all for her.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #30)
better off
better off's picture

He also said underneath all

He also said underneath all his personalities is a cold calculating person with no feelings who's always looking at the odds. If he's thinking about you AT ALL, he's calculating the odds of you contacting him on his birthday. That's all it is, babe, an odds game. By the odd. And the "someday" thing is an odds game too, he doesn't want to close the books on any longshots that he can reel you back in "someday." There's still a percentage there.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #31)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

I Know You're Right

But he didn't say there was a cold-calculating person with no feelings - he said there's a cold-calculating person always looking at the endgame and an endgame with my daughter right now being little is what he couldn't handle. Not me but the 'situation' as it is right now. And I know I'm a fucked up idiot for even giving it credence but I'm still really sad over the idea that he doesn't have ANY feelings for me. I still can't believe that. My friend says he's angry and that he misses me but can't get over all of it and be the man he needed to be to 'man up' for me and he's pissed at himself because he wishes he could be the man I needed. I know this is fucked. I know that he had no right to dangle me on a string. When I asked him to please tell me that it was over forever so I could get some closure, he had to be a FUCKING MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE and say, "No, we can't try again, AT LEAST NOT ANY TIME SOON." And THEN, he said that he hoped I could "find peace and closure because this has all been so terribly painful for the both of us." I can't even go on. I'm crying. I fucking hate the mother fucking bastard for fucking me over in my head so fucking badly I can't even see straight.
Sep 28 - 10PM (Reply to #32)
better off
better off's picture

I know. I do know. It's

I know. I do know. It's awful. I know it hurts. I know how much. (((morty))) but the only way out is through. Just go ahead and cry, and hate the bastard, but don't call him and tell him you love him. I think you were right a minute ago, this has nothing to do with his birthday, it's because, just like a bastard narc, he used a "happy" event to start pushing you away and abandon you. Who would not feel triggered at the anniversary of that? And he did not give you your closure, he left it so "mysterious" because he's a JERK and it leaves you like this. It sounds like something else happened to trigger this, and it's something YOU CANNOT ALLOW anymore... you said: "My friend says he's angry and that he misses me but can't get over all of it and be the man he needed to be to 'man up' for me and he's pissed at himself because he wishes he could be the man I needed." He might as well have called you and inserted this manipulative BRAINWASHING in your head himself... what friend and WHY the hell did he tell you this?? HE'S angry??? That's rich. HE MISSES YOU? HE can't get over all of it... what HE did??? TO YOU?? OH, and poor fucking baby psycho narc can't be the man he needed to be? Dude that ship sailed a LONG time ago. He's pissed at himself? Yeah,right. He wishes he could be the man you needed. Yeah right. MORTY, these are LIES! These are LIES he made sure you'd hear! This is the same BATCH OF LIES that he's told you all along. OMG, you WANT to believe this, but it's not true. He is not pissed at himself or wishing anything but that he can whine his way into more supply. Come on, morty, I know you can open your eyes, I know you can. He laid this bait for you to swallow. THIS is the trigger, now come on, admit it... and he WANTS for you to be feeling as shitty as you do right NOW. He wants for you to pine away in AGONY, in PAIN over him. That's the only "love" they know about. Pain. And by GOD, because he's the biggest coward standing on two legs, he dropped this bait so YOU would come crawling back to HIM, and if you did, he'd reject you all over again, saying, ohhh, it just can't beeeee. Well then he needs to leave you the fuck alone, and that includes telling "friends" garbage like this to get back to you and inside your head. OMG, he needs a KICK in the head. Morty this is like the story of Persephone who got kidnapped by Hades (while picking Narcissus flowers) and when she got away he secretly put pomegranate seeds under her tongue so that she was always trapped there, even above ground, and she STILL had to spend part of the year in the Underworld. Spit out the seeds!! Let him go! Stop letting him brainwash you. And sweetheart, please please please, don't let his lies keep you bound to him. You say he DIDN'T say he had no feelings, but you're parsing words.. he did say "there's a cold-calculating person always looking at the endgame," well that's a person with no feelings, sweetheart.
Sep 28 - 10PM (Reply to #33)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

His 'masterpiece'

in college for his final project to get his music degree was a symphony he wrote about Persephone. The fucking dickhead.
Sep 28 - 11PM (Reply to #34)
better off
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Uh... speechless. Like

Uh... speechless. Like helldweller says.. you cannot make this shit up.
Sep 28 - 7PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

His birthday

I totally understand that you want him to know you remember. Shit in an envelope and mail it to him. That's what I'm going to do.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #27)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

You gave me an idea...

The ex-Psych professor's father and my nephew's father have the SAME NAME. I'd wish the ex-P a happy birthday, then tell him that the content of my nephew's diapers after a bowel movement have more substance and meaning than his essays. ("Oh, the son of N--- took a dump in his diaper, and it's more substantive than your essay. Congratulations on your grant for your lecture, guess philosophers must be giving better blow jobs these days") A normal person would find that sentiment revolting. Okay, put yourself in a Narc's shoes and imagine getting THAT! I have more respect for my ex-Narc boss because I wouldn't purposefully do ANYTHING that cruel to him!
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
tynk3377
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OMG

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA now THAT is priceless...
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
anonymous
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I Really, Really Needed That

I love you. =) I needed a laugh and you gave it to me. Thanks!
Sep 28 - 7PM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

help please

morty, if you have been nc please stay strong, you will not always love him, you just feel like you will. eventually all of us here, will learn, we cannot love an empty shell, a non human, we cannot love something that doesnt deserve love at all. we cannot continue to love something that cannot love back, it will take us all a very long time, but someday, we will look back and say, wtf was i thinking, i must have been crazy to waste my precious God given life on this pos. stay strong, focus on anything but him, focus on how strong you have been to have gone nc, for those of us who have not gone nc yet, we have such a long road to catch up to you, dont come back there with us, continue on, i promise you will get through his bday.........xoxoxo jaycee

Jaycee