Honestly... This is what I'm attracted to... :-|

Honestly... This is what I'm attracted to... :-|
I possibly don't have a judgemental bone in my body. I seem to automatically focus on the good in people. This is a description of a man I have recently terminated all contact with. The thing is...if I'm brutally honest with myself... Is that I was absolutely unquestionably attracted to him.
I'm in constant internal turmoil because I intellectually know this is not good for me but oh my goodness it takes every ounce of 'won't' power for me to pack up my bat and ball and not play!!

He is articulate and calm and bordering on blunt. He questions me, challenges me, reads my defence mechanisms like a book and calls me on them.
He is physically fit. Confident and bordering on intimidating..yep even on the first meeting!
He teases me. Has a great sense of humour. He is aloof at times. Unpredictable.

He passes comments on my lifestyle, questions my apparent 'extreme' discipline of our training regime for my children's sport and also their dedication to their studies. He berates me for refusing to drink alcohol with him. Tells me I would love sex whilst under the influence of cocaine. (Ha! I've never even seen an illicit drug in real life let alone tried one..not even a cigarette!)
He tells me about his life... He fled war torn Middle East to come to our country. He has had several failed business ventures but is now successfully self employed. He is currently residing with his parents as he is separated from his wife of 8 years. It was all her fault. He doesn't like her even as a person.
I never called him. He always called me even if I told him I was going to be asleep. He would still call and say sorry for calling ....

I could go on but you get the picture.

What I'm saying here is that I walked away from this and no longer engaged but of more pressing concern is that I WANTED to be with him. I honestly had to extract myself from the situation.

I'm 2 years post psychopath. I am an adult child of narcissistic parents. I feel things so deeply. I am tolerant and empathetic and openminded. I am honest and passionate and I actually do not know what to do about this deep vulnerability I have when it comes to my 'fatal attraction' to PD's and users and abusers.

This is not about me actually being there, because I chose not to be. However this is about every fibre of my being WANTING to be there.

So am I addicted to Psychopaths? I know I need to stay away from them but I'm sure normal people are repulsed and feel repelled by these people.
I truly wish I wasn't attracted to this but if I'm honest I am.

Thank you for listening/reading xxx

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