how accurate is this in describing your narc?

11 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 14 - 5AM
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

how accurate is this in describing your narc?

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html#relig

i found that this was really accurate in describing my narc.

some minor differences (which were accounted for in this article):

- my N wasn't stingy, but he probably was trying to impress me, but he was very generous with his money. he flew me to see him a couple of times. he took me out to nice restaurants. he was a terrible gift-giver though. and he also spent a ton when he would go out with other women (while still in a relationship with me). so i am pretty sure it was all for show, and for me, it was to keep me reigned in - although that was something i never asked for. i wanted small simple things to show that he loved and cared about me, and that he was considerate. i mean, he did forget my birthday 3 years in a row! i don't know how much money he actually had bc he was really private about that.

- my N wasn't as sensitive to personal criticism. as i fought back, he took my criticisms. but he couldn't change. he knew i was unhappy. sure he had rage and lashed back and called me abusive when i expressed my discontent with his actions, but he didn't seem as sensitive. in fact, i felt the opposite - the types of criticisms i started giving to him seemed to have no impact. like he was inhuman and immune. perhaps this is a sign of N anyway?

- abnormal eating habits - the description here was strange. but maybe you have had experience with your N eating weird things?

- hate to live alone. my N can actually be alone or live with a ton of people. it's strange. he didn't really have a preference and i never had a sense of what was preferable for him. I think this goes to his lack of boundaries...

the rest of the list was quite accurate though. and i found it helpful to read bc some things were so specific but relevant that it was eerie how similar my N is to the description.

either way, i thought i would share in case it was helpful to at least some of you. would love to hear your thoughts.

:)

Mar 14 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Thank You

My Narc's Photo was at the end of the article. Idealk
Mar 14 - 9PM (Reply to #10)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

hahahaahahaha - this just

hahahaahahaha - this just made me really laugh out loud. LOL. thank you for that. :)
Mar 14 - 9AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Dazed

I think someone posted something similar a ways back. The most bizarre section to me is the eating habits. My narc used to pick his teeth with paper matches. After awhile I realized that he was also biting off the heads and chewing and swallowing them. I was only invited to dinner once at his house, and he made chicken on the grill. When I say he made chicken, I mean he opened a package of chicken breasts and put them on the grill, unseasoned. We each got one, and a tumbler of vodka. And a half a pack of cigarettes. His brother invited my daughters and I over once and made a turkey. JUST a turkey. He imposes the strangest eating habits on his five year old foster child as well. Breakfast for this wealthy, upscale child is a Little Debbie donut stick and whole milk. Lunch is a bolonga sandwich on white bread, some sort of hostess cake, and cheetos. For dinner, they either are taken out by friends or, if the narc is cooking, he forces the child to eat an entire, overcooked, unseasoned eight-ounce chicken breast , even if he's literally crying because he can't finish it. However, though the narc goes to the dollar store to buy movie size candy bars by the case, the child isn't allowed to touch them.
Mar 14 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

eating habits

the eating habit thing is so weird. i know that dwelling on these characteristics might not get anywhere and is merely fixating me on his disorder when i should be focusing on myself, but i know it helped me at the very very beginning to read about these signs and other people's confirmation of these signs - it really struck me that there is such a thing as this PD. so my N enjoyed good food - and i really liked that about him. i'm a huge foodie. but he was extreme - he perhaps pulled off the whole foodie act well bc in reality he could eat ANYTHING. i will always remember this time we went to this lake, and there were tons of little dead worms in the sand bc the salt content of the lake was so high (mono lake in case you were wondering) - and this was in the beginning of our relationship. he popped one of those dead worms into his mouth bc he was curious to see what they tasted like! um...really strange!!! he also would eat a lot of one thing - like canned oysters, or chocolate chip cookies. but i mean he would eat A LOT of just that one thing at a time.
Mar 14 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Eating habits

The ex-Psych professor was fascinated with the eating habits of pregnant women... really. I happened upon a Wikipedia article yesterday about scientist Margaret Profet (she mysteriously disappeared in Cambridge, Massachusetts back in 2005)... and he would bring up her articles about what menstruating&pregnant women ate. Of course, he'd mock them (this was the mid-'90s) Profet had theories about how menses protect women from men's sperm, morning sickness diets. The ex-P would talk about her theories ALL THE TIME. It's like he wanted to impregnate me as a science experiment... and to somehow prove he was "manly" (despite the fact he'd ogle men instead of women around me) He seemed to think getting a woman pregnant would magically make him straight. The ex-P would chew on pencils, eat dust off the tables. He wouldn't eat anything that involved utensils. As a self-proclaimed vegetarian (despite the fact he was caught wolfing down hamburgers at a fast food place), he'd only eat bagels. Not even salads. My college made delicious vegetarian meals... but they'd involve using forks and/or knives, so he was too lazy to eat those. "Little Debbie donut stick with whole milk... bologna sandwich on white bread, Hostess cake, cheetos"-Yikes. THAT'S called breakfast??? Awful. Just awful. What is it with Ns/Ps having junk food diets? The ex-P lived off of junk food... and so does your N.
Mar 14 - 6AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

This pretty accurately

This pretty accurately describes xnh. The only things I read here that didn't seem to fit him were that they have no sense of humor. Xnh did have a sense of humor. However, it took me a while to realize that his sense of humor had a very nasty, mean, sarcastic undertone to it. He would make a joke, and it would seem funny at the time he said it. Later, I'd realize that it was really a toxic insult thinly disguised as a joke. The other comment in the article that didn't seem to fit xnh was, "Narcissists don't volunteer the usual personal information about themselves, so they may seem secretive or perhaps unusually reserved or very jealous of their privacy." Xnh splats his personal information to anyone and everyone within earshot whether they want to hear about his personal business or not (and they usually don't). According to xnh, he seems to think he's just the most fascinating thing in the universe (barf). To quote Shrek when he's talking about Donkey, "Of course, he talks. It's getting him to shut up that's the trick." Other than these two things, this article has xnh pegged completely. He has a really weird concept of time. I swear that when he dies, he'll be late to his own funeral. He's late everywhere. He's stingy (except with himself). Xnh would make SURE that if I wanted something from him that I DIDN'T get it. I went for, literally, years wanting him to stay in town so that he could eat lunch with me. He chose to go to one of our sites 65 miles away EVERY day so that I wouldn't get my wish. Everyone around also made comments about how he really DIDN'T need to go out there every day. Now that we're divorced, and I actually WISH that xnh would go to the site every day, he stays here like stink on poop. He remains in town EVERY day. At work now, he's like the THING that won't get out of my life. Grrrr. Great article! Thank you so much for posting it.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 14 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

mystwoman, actually my N had

mystwoman, actually my N had a pretty ok sense of humor. except now that i think back, so much of it was really inappropriate and crude. the last time he joked, i got really mad bc i realized his jokes are really hurtful. there were times when they weren't, but now looking back a lot of times they were off. my narc loved talking. it was really off-putting to my friends and family. but at the same time, he rarely spoke about himself in any deep way. like i don't get a sense of his dreams and aspirations. and what inspires him. or what makes him sad. he never talks about those types of things. if it was about him, it would be bragging about the things he has done, the places he's traveled to, etc. my narc was SO frugal - but i don't know how to explain it. he would haggle over 50 cents. that type of thing. but he would blow money on women - and sometimes me when he was trying to win me back. you're welcome about posting it - i just wanted to see how accurate it was, bc i know that it described my narc so accurately it was uncanny. :)
Mar 15 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

You are absolutely correct,

You are absolutely correct, dazed. Xnh talked constantly about himself, but it was never anything with any depth. It was always, "I did this, and I did that, and I think this, and I'm going to do this, etc. It was all superficial. No dreams or aspirations either (other than he tortured me for years about wanting to move near his mommy, and now that he's dumped me he has no intention of actually DOING it. Grrrrr.)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 15 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Superficiality

Same here. The ex-Psych prof would say he wanted to be published by Duke University press because Duke's mascot is a devil. I'd ask him about his hopes&dreams... and he was blase about it. Over 4 years, one of the motifs was how he hated teaching- yet he was deathly afraid of losing his job. He was afraid he'd lose his job because of me&how he treated me--yet I think his tenure is karma kicking in.(He got tenure 8 years ago) I'd try to talk to him about philosophy, since he considered himself a philosopher... and the conversations were superficial complaining about life. I'd bring up Wittgenstein, and he'd get flaccid. He considered himself a Wittgenstein expert... and he DID NOT PUT OUT. "Never anything with depth"-He was anal about how I did indentation in my papers, but he wouldn't engage with them intellectually. All I'd get was venom&personal attacks instead of constructive criticism on my essays. The ex-P's colleagues treated him like a little kid who was better left in his playpen. At a senior oral examination on the movie "The Producers",the ex-P went off on a tangent about the homoerotic relationship between the male leads, how they were "Prisoners of Love." His colleagues rolled their eyes en masse, with a look of "where did THAT come from?" "No dreams or aspirations"-He couldn't talk in any depth about being a philosopher or being a teacher. "I'm a teacher, it's how I make money" is how he summed himself up after the final D&D. I told him that if he saw teaching merely as a role, he could've gone to LA for that. Modeling or acting was more down his alley.
Mar 14 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

Mine was the victim. We were

Mine was the victim. We were at a bar one night to see a band. The guitarist started talking about his dad teaching him music, my narcarist started talking about his dad beating his ass. My mouth fell to the floor. I was like wow, what is making him tell this guy a horror story. Now I guess I know. It all had to be about him!