How Did You Feel When You First Met Your ExN?

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#1 Oct 22 - 8PM
PumpKyn80's picture

How Did You Feel When You First Met Your ExN?

Hey everyone! I joined this forum back in June, was with the N for 3 months and I have been NC since May. I have not been on in months, and I think I even posted this before, but I just wanted to vent a little. Lately, I have been thinking about the whole experience. I don't understand why but for the past couple of days its been on my mind. I don't mourn him or miss him at all, so NC will continue forever. I just keep thinking how I did not get out and listen to my gut reaction. I thought I was over it, but now its back in my mind again, saying to myself-What the hell was I thinking???

I know when I first started talking to my ExN, and when I first met him, I immediately felt this uncomfortable feeling it was like anxiety. I felt like I just wanted to get away, red flags all over the place and deep down I felt in my spirit something was not right yet I stayed...why? I really think it was mostly pity. And as shallow as this sounds its not like I was groped in by his "looks" because I was not attracted to him.

So I just wanted to know how you all felt deep down (your gut) when you first met your ExN?

Mar 16 - 7AM
onwithmylife's picture

Hi Pumpkyn

I felt a combo of head over heels in love, very comfortable and at the same time very anxious whenever I saw him, because it was early on that I started walking on eggshells around him, never knew what type of mood he would be in. interesting we mention anxious a lot, I even said that to my therapist and that should not be an adjective to us when in a normal relationship.I had butteflies too whenever i went to see him and had to take pills to calm myself down, NOT normal
Mar 15 - 3AM
indenial's picture

I felt the same as you have

I felt the same as you have desrcribed in your post. Something just wasn't right I too felt anxiety but thought it was just the nerves associated with a new relationship. I felt sorry for him. He seemed so needy of me and I suppose I was flattered. He was boring. I had far much to offer him in the way of a personality than he did me. His words to me were I can't believe that someone as beautiful and amazing as you has even looked at me. I thought bless him and I felt great. Now I can see how true his words were. He meant them because deep down he knows how rotten he is and as a person I am way out of his league. I'm not being conceited. I struggle at times with my self esteem but I know I'm good inside and out and I know I'm capable of so much more and I deserve better. My life was full before I met him and he little by little tried to rob me of everything good until all I had was him. But I didn't let it happen. I'm proud of that fact. He didn't win. He didn't beat me. I'm fighting back with my inteligence and pride and the insight I've gained from you guys on here. Yes it hurts. My love was real. He wasn't. And in the end I resorted to the same manipulation as him in order to survive the ordeal. But it is ultimately getting me through it. I've once again ended the relationship on my terms. He keeps hoovering and I've broken nc many times but because I felt I needed to for me. Each time he comes back I see him with my new eyes and I'm not fooled. It hurts a bit less everytime. I can read him like a book thanks to what I've read on here. He's just so predictable. Now I tune into those gut instincts I had all along and I see that I didn't completely ignore them. I've been struggling with wanting revenge and closure but I know the best revenge and closure for me is living the life I'm meant to live. The fun happy life I had before him. I didn't let him isolate me and I still have everything I had before him. In the end he held me through fear of him. I no longer fear him so much. He physically assaulted me a few days ago. He stopped me breathing and I feared for my life. Well that shows him for what he is. A sick sad bully. I pity him. Let him get on with his life. Who cares ! As long as I can get on with mine. I know mine will be so much emotionally richer than his will ever be. I know that he knows he didn't win. I was the one that got away and I did turn his world upside down. Yes I may have emotional scars but he has scars too. To his narc ego and that is probably as wounding to him as all this is to me. Let him move on to his next or even his previous victims. I will move on to something real. Lesson well and truly learned. Hugs to all you wonderful courageous women on here. We all have walked the same path and truly understand each other
Mar 15 - 2AM
ifinallygotit's picture

I was not attracted to him at first!

I thought my xN was really silly and goofy but alot of fun! I was not physically attracted to him but thought he was really friendly and charming! He put me totally at ease and treated me like an old friend immediately!! it felt like I already knew him. How ironic is it that when he finally really did know me very well, he treated me like a stranger. It took me a few years to get attracted to him, though we would kiss like teenagers those first few years before we really started going together. He was always pretty shallow, so I felt like I would never get too hung up on him - thought he was sweet and safe and a good distraction from my prior relationship with a deeper thinker "soul mate". But I fell more in love with this man than other love before him. He just grew on me and I remember the moment it turned from like to love - it was like a switch flipped and I fell madly in love. But it took about 4 years of knowing him before I got attached. And now 6 months after breaking up, I cannot seem to break the connection. I've had bad break ups before, but I never felt connected at the hip like this months later. I can hear him talking still, he was kind of like quietly bossy, always telling me if i was doing something the right way. We were opposites - what I am good at he is not and vice versa. I just still feel him strongly and hope it changes in time.
Mar 14 - 11PM
ImStrong's picture

Butterflies in the stomach are really redflags

I read somewhere..on baggagereclaim that butterflies in the stomach is a warning sign or red flag posted by the when I did first meet the narc I did feel anxiety and a bit shocked by his agressiveness and hugs even by his compliments..i was taken back...most of all I had butterflies..i was Warning my ownself...butterflies are kniwn for anxiety anxciousness more often love or liking was everything except love or like part..i know that now and for future

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Mar 15 - 10AM
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Like a school girl

I had been talking to my exN casually, just as acquaintences for a year before our first date. When that day finally came, I remember going thome feeling something I hadn't felt in a long time... like a school girl. It was the oddest thing because that next week I felt anxiety at such a heightened level. I assumed it was because I really liked him but looking back maybe it was my instincts trying to warn me. My anxiety got so much worse over the course of our 2 year relationship. My anxiety has gotten so much better since I kicked him out of my life. We broke up for a few months this last summer and when he came back he fed me all the lines. I've never felt this away about anyone before. blah blah blah... and yet he tried to contact me a few times after I left and it's been dead since... a month later.
Mar 2 - 4PM
strongerthanever's picture

I was starting to talk to the

I was starting to talk to the exN and another guy. The other guy I was more attracted to but, sensed I was going to be a booty call. The exN was a special ed teacher, we were 3 days apart in age, we liked everything the other one did, but, something was not right. I didn't like the way he bounced when he walked. I was on the fence for some reason and friends told me to stop nit-picking and go for it, "a guy who works with special needs kids has a great big heart." Yeah but also for the married teachers and young new teachers. he opened the doors for me, held my hand, didn't push me into sleeping with him but, it did happen quickly. It was like he knew where the line was so he would not be a complete a-hole. Then after 2 months of dating, he didn't think it was going to work out because he felt my manners were not good. I didn't chat up a conversation with the wait staff or check out ladies. I noticed that after a while, he stopped doing that. He did this in the beginning but, since he was always doing it, I didn't feel a need to chime in too. So, i was labled as "not chatty or extroverted" enough for him. This is coming from a guy who the family told me had no friends in school and was a loner most of his life. And it was always a challenge to talk to him as it would result in an arguement. I asked my friends if I am "chatty" and they said I was fine for them. At times when new people were around, i would be quiet. That is my character. I check people out first before being all open and crazy. But, throughout the relationship, he claimed what I was doing wrong or not pleasing for him as to why we should break up, and i would turn myself inside and out to make sure I did not do those things. In turn, I pulled away from friends and family, didnt feel right, didnt feel like myself.
Mar 2 - 2PM
neverlookback's picture


Like I had been born again!!!!!!!!! Our first night we talked until 5am JUST TALKED I felt something so real I had never felt with another man, but I was also scared there was ALWAYS a nagging voice that kept saying, is this for real? Will this man break my heart? After the first time we were intimate I must have had a gut feeling something was not right because I drove home broke down and cried and said to myself, I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I mean this man literally could not wait to get my clothes off, couldnt even wait to get into the bedroom, so it went from the kitchen to the living room to finally the bedroom, geez, I thought it was passion because I had not seen him for 23 years and he was confessing how much he had always felt horrible that he lost me 23 years ago and said I am NOT losing you ever again. What a joke, when I went NC I see how he tried to save our relationship, NOTHING so he DID lose me again and this time it will be forever. I didnt know 23 years ago he was a psychopath either.
Mar 15 - 4AM (Reply to #45)
realitycheck's picture


It's interesting how many of us have the same story, we new them many years ago and they have always wanted us, blah, blah, blah. That seems to be a major red flag. Mine new exactly what to say. He remembered things about me that I had forgotten. I mistook that for real affection. He quickly turned from charming and sweet, to freaky and bursts of rambling rants about the oddest things. I let it go because I wanted everything to be "perfect" just like he said I was. I was determined to not let his occasional outbursts ruin everything. How silly of me! The first time he wigged out I did actually drive away, cried for hours and patted myself on the back for getting away before it was too late. But, then I called him and of course he was so sweet and kind and new exactly what to say. Then I didn't hear from him for days. I could go on and on but the reality is he was a roller coaster ride that I thought was fun an exciting. In the end he robbed me of almost everything. I can barely get dressed in the morning. Long story, but I won't drag it out now. The important thing is to stay strong and keep the ties broken. Today is a month since I've actually spoken to him. I'm not counting all of the texts we sent back and forth for a week after our last fight, over the phone. I wanted to call or text him yesterday but reading all of the other posts here have made me stronger. I'm so thankful I can come here and get strength from sharing our stories. Stay strong! xo
Mar 15 - 4AM (Reply to #46)
Jettebobette's picture

Stay strong

Yes we have to stay strong. I the thought he is inside my head makes me sick inside. I want he out of my head. I have only been NC for 3 days now. If he calles and I don't know it's him so I pick up the phone, do I then go back to day one? Even if I hang up right away? They are so sweet in the beginning, I we don't want to see all the red flags. My first red flag was after 2-3 days of knowing him. He said to me; now that I have you I wonder if I could be better. Right there I saw the flag, but did not want to. Next flag; he told me that he used to ignore his ex wife for weeks. Next flag; he had no close friends or got along with anyone in his family. It just goes on and on, still I did not want to admit I was with a big LOOSER. I wanted it to work out. If I showed him I really loved him he would stay and treat me nice. How wrong was I. He had so many GF on the side, the last one he had for more than a year before I found out. They were even planning on getting married, getting a place together while he was still living with me. Maybe they had planned to tell me on a Jerry Springer Show. I am glad I found out ( I was snooping on his PC). Knowing set me free.
Mar 2 - 10AM
prettypeeved's picture

Honestly? I thought "Wow,

Honestly? I thought "Wow, he's really quite boring."
Mar 2 - 8AM
mystwoman's picture

"I immediately felt this

"I immediately felt this uncomfortable feeling it was like anxiety. I felt like I just wanted to get away, red flags all over the place and deep down I felt in my spirit something was not right yet I stayed" I felt exactly the same. I guess the most descriptive word I can think of about how I felt when I first met xnh was "overpowered". I felt like something wasn't right, and there were red flags blazing all of over the place. Xnh came on to me so strong that I felt like I'd been flattened by a bulldozer. I felt very anxious like being with him was sucking my will to choose away from me. Looking back now and knowing that xnh is a narc, that is EXACTLY what he was doing. He was truly a vampire, and I was caught in his trance. I'm still questioning WHY I stayed. Other than I had convinced myself that I was madly in love with xnh, and he was my "soulmate", I haven't found a logical reason yet. It certainly WASN'T because he treated me so well for most of our relationship. lol.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 2 - 4PM (Reply to #42)
PumpKyn80's picture

Mystwoman, I can relate to

Mystwoman, I can relate to everything you said especially this...."I felt very anxious like being with him was sucking my will to choose away from me" This is how it felt exactly, very draining.
Mar 2 - 9AM (Reply to #39)
spinning's picture

myst, I agree as to the wondering why

I stayed. The reasons you cited are among mine, as well. I had convinced myself of many things because I risked so much for the so-called relationship. My reputation, integrity, chance at mending a long-term prior and very important relationship, etc. etc. When I first met the disordered one I knew he was after one thing from me: to get into my pants. He was married and not remotely attractive to me. He was so unlike anyone I would have ever given a second look to. After weeks of his artful courtship I actually wrote in my journal that "I would rather puke than sleep with (his initials.)" And I stuck to that for six months...I had previously vowed to never again give my body away to a married man. What happened? I'm not entirely sure. He made me believe I was SOOOO special (there's a great article post by Michele on that one) and that he could not live without my friendship/presence in his life; he called, texted, emailed, made me laugh. Paid attention like no other. Ugh. He said I was his 'sister.' He said a lot of things. I "was the hottest of the hotties," etc. blah puke! Though he is quite a few years younger, he was never really my type at all and I was so unlike anyone he ever would attract... I must have been temporarily insane. Then I became almost dead. Oh well. Send the good vibes, please, all. I am a wreck. Sincerely (still trying to stop) spinning


Mar 2 - 12PM (Reply to #41)
mystwoman's picture

Spinning, here's my good

Spinning, here's my good vibes coming at you! Hugs.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Mar 2 - 10AM (Reply to #40)
IncognitoBurrito's picture

*good vibes*

I know what you mean. I felt special, too. I was different! I felt plucked out of the crowd. Ha. Mine also called, e-mailed, and texted at great length. Eventually, came the "I need you." "Please talk to me." The attention to detail, the believable emotions. He even began to use specific words that only I'd normally say. On and on...
Mar 2 - 6AM
ABC0311's picture

Felt like I couldn't live without him!

I really thought he was the most wonderful, caring person ever and pretty much my soul-mate. I had blinders on!! Big big blinders!!!
Mar 2 - 4AM
Kath1234's picture

Uneasy feeling about him initially

I first met him online via a dating website. He sent me numerous messages. I was flattered that he took the time to write such interesting and funny emails. Although I was amused by him, it took me over a month to agree to meet him b/c I was still not 100% certain about him. When I first met him in person, he gave me an "uneasy" feeling. It was difficult to put my finger on, but I sensed a controlling and superior side to him. He soon put me at ease with his easy going humor, but I now think he was just "reading me". When I drove away from our first date I thought "this guy has a lively personality, but I am simply not attracted to him". In fact, I thought he was "hideous" looking. That's a strong word to describe someone but it was exactly what I thought. When I arrived home he immediately sent me an email and told me I was "hot". I did not respond to him right away. When I checked my email the next day there were 4 more messages from him complimenting me on my intelligence, wit and attractiveness. I thought to myself "wow, this guy REALLY likes me. He may not be the best looking guy but he is so funny, smart and intelligent" maybe I should give him a chance. I actually felt pity towards him b/c he told me that in high school he never had a social life with girls due to his facial appearance. I soon fell for his charming personality and in no time this "hideous" guy became "very attractive" to me on all levels. Well, that same "funny, smart and intelligent" guy went from non stop complimenting me to devaluing me in just a few months! I am the same girl he met from day one so I don't believe it was "me" that caused him to change his tune. I should have listened to my gut and not continued with him. What I'm dealing with now is how can someone go from appearing to worship the ground you walk on to being cold and manipulative? I feel emotionally raped and I should NEVER have slept with this guy!! Ugh! He's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Mar 2 - 5AM (Reply to #35)
PumpKyn80's picture


Your experience was very similar to mine. I felt so "uneasy" when I first met him, thought he was even a bit creepy. I just wanted to escape and he came on so strong. I too was not even attracted to him at all then somehow it went from that to falling for him...mind boggling. I can relate to the feeling pity for him, that was a big part of it. Yes, I too feel emotionally raped, and now I am thinking yuck, I actually slept with this guy, everytime I think about it, makes me want to run to the shower. I was nothing but an object. He went from calling/texting everyday multiple times a day immediately (felt uneasy about that too) to not calling and withdrawing completely, it seem to happen over night. And this confirms what my gut was telling me from the start that the calling/texting constantly he would have done to anyone and it had nothing to do with "really liking" me. My gut was yelling at me to get out and I did not listen at the time. Will never make that mistake again!
Mar 15 - 4AM (Reply to #36)
Jettebobette's picture


Yes I had the exact feeling about my Narc. That he was not a good man. He was running after me at the worksite for 3 months, first I liked it, but after a while I feelt sick about it. Then he asked me out, I don't even know why I said yes. But the way he treated me, teling me how good and special I was, really made me feel special. I too feelt sorry for him, he told me that nobody loved him. So I got that job. Looking back now, I am not even sure I ever loved him, he was a monster, pure evil.
Mar 1 - 6PM
IncognitoBurrito's picture


All of our contact has been on-line, through text, and telephone. It progressed slowly, at a turtle's pace. It unfolded so gradually, almost imperceivably, over several years. I didn't even notice. The funny one-liners, the random exchange of amusing links, and friendly little jabs, back and forth. Occasional, brief, witty banter. Nothing out of the ordinary, between friends. Initially, I didn't think twice about him at all. I'm married, so I wasn't even looking, or thinking with a romantic mindset whatsoever. He was just another person, an interesting person. Then again, I find most people interesting. Honestly, I spoke more to his wife at the time, than to him. I was busy living my life. At one point, I even left the social networking site we were on, because I was never really on it anymore. I lost interest. Somehow, he found my number. I never shared it, and it isn't listed. Out of nowhere, I got a phone call, from the both of them! How silly, surprising, exciting, and very flattering! Nobody's ever done anything remotely that wild to contact me. I was floored! It seemed so sweet, if not a teeny bit unsettling. It wasn't until after they split up, that we really started talking at length, and in-depth. It was so gradual, that I didn't see the signs. Everything seemed to linger in my periphery, where it had ample time to take root, and grow. I started catching myself thinking certain things, and quickly dismissing them! I began to behave, to act out, in ways that had me back-tracking and questioning myself. That's when I realized I was in over my head, and undeniably emotionally invested. By then, we were communicating every single day.
Oct 27 - 2PM
Susan32's picture

Very tense...

He'd say things like "I'm picking off the weak" (yes, during class) and "if you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" I was ALWAYS uptight and tensed up around him. My body would be in "freeze" mode, and then he'd freak when I was the one staring him down, snapping, "Stop looking at me!" I couldn't relax around him. I'd sit next to him at concerts/lectures, but be afraid of resting my hand on his knee or around his shoulders (I never did do either of those things) because I didn't want to spark Narc rage. So, in a sense, when I saw the OW and the ex-P sit together, I wasn't surprised that they weren't holding hands and acting like a lovey-dovey couple. He'd say things like "You're defending yourself" contemptuously. Or he'd ask, exasperated, "Why are you scared of me?" Then he'd go into self-pity mode about people fearing him, and him not knowing why. He'd say that people mocked him to defend themselves from him. Sure, I'd giggle and smile in his presence because I HAD A CRUSH, but it would cause him to snap "You're not taking me seriously!" He was perpetually paranoid that I was somehow treating him as an object of ridicule. being ridiculed was his biggest fear, the rationalization for his emotional abuse. If I had felt relaxed around him, I would've been physically intimate with him. But I didn't. He was his own worst enemy.
Oct 25 - 5PM
ShaynasMommy's picture

like he knew something

...that I did not. A big, private joke in his head, with that stupid smirk and calculating look in his eyes. I presume he thinks that is charming. Well, it didn't deter me unfortunately!
Oct 25 - 10AM
helldweller's picture

How did we feel?

It's funny, but when I first met him I really didn't think much of him beyond, "He's friendly." I saw him every morning all spring and summer after we moved back to Chicago, and he was always just pleasant. I never thought of him beyond seeing him in the morning, and he obviously never thought of me either. We lived almost next door to each other and I didn't even know it! Then, that Christmas, for some reason, out of the blue, I started thinking about him. I remember I tried to find him to invite him to my Christmas party, but he wasn't around. When I next saw him, I told him I'd been looking for him and that was that. Every morning I made it my business to look gorgeous and be in the same place as him. He was happy and adorable, and he seemed bumbling but confident at the same time, and I just wanted to go out with him. I was separated from my husband, and when I found he was interested, I was determined to finally get divorced. I remember thinking about my miserable marriage, "If this great guy likes me, I'm out of here." When I think back now, it's obvious that he was just following my lead. He did nothing to initiate anything, I wasn't on his mind, I wasn't "doing anything" for him--I was just conveniently approaching him. I think, now, that I was just convenient all along, but I interpreted it all as this great love affair, I imagined he was hardened to love, scared of love, and that it was my job to make him at ease, to make him realize he wanted someone to love. As soon as he knew I was interested, he started spinning his tales, and I remember that everything he said was like a script. When I asked him what he did for a living, he said, "I am a Cook County Circuit Court Judge with the Criminal Division at 26th Street." Huh? When I asked him why he had never married, he said, "I have not yet found a woman who can be what I am looking for: a good wife and mother, like you are, and a best friend forever." He said this to me the first time I talked to him beyond "Hi." He said it in front of the convenience store at 8 o'clock in the morning. Boy, has my gullibility changed since then!
Oct 24 - 10PM
sweetsamm's picture

hooked by 'the bachelor'.lol

It's so wierd because I wasn't interested in this guy,I put off date after date,until he finally pressured me to go out with him. First date was so wierd,he was older than i've normally dated,but he seemed so 'together',successful,smart,etc...we drove and listened to music,talked about our favorite shows,'he liked 'the hills' and 'the bachelor', we couldn't remember one of the bachelors on the bachelorette at the end of our date.....the next day i got a delivery of flowers to my work, the card said 'had a great time,can't wait to do it again,..Kipton'...took me a second, who was kipton? ohhhh,how cute, was the bachelor we couldn't remember, I was hooked.......
Oct 24 - 10PM
Briseis's picture

Eye contact

I met my exN "twice". The first time I was charge nurse and he was a new employee. I gave him his assignment, and he asked a few questions. I answered, and he put his hand over mind and GAZED into my eyes. I felt a kind of shock, not unpleasant. He crinkled his eyes at me, affectionately. I'd just MET him. The second time I met him was a year later, we walked to the parking garage together. We talked for at least an hour in the freezing cold at midnight. He did that intense, eye crinkling GAZE into my eyes, like I was the most interesting person he'd ever met. Like he was seeing something he REAALY liked and admired. I walked away from him and drove home stunned. My head was swimming, really distracted, couldn't stop thinking about him. I can still see those EYES of his. So warm and inviting and GLAD to see me. I emailed my best GF the next morning. I still couldn't stop thinking about him. I told her about the night before and wrote "I just met the man I'm going to marry." I did (in Tijuana, illegall cuz he was still already married). I pursued him like a hound out of hell. It was like possession. I felt anxious, bordering on nauseated for those first few weeks. So afraid I was doing something wrong and he'd reject me. So needy, like I was suddenly missing something I HAD TO HAVE. I asked him out, called him, approached him, made my intentions known. That's real fun to live with :P
Oct 25 - 10AM (Reply to #27)
helldweller's picture

Briseis and eye contact

Oh, those crinkly, sparkly eyes. Yes, I remember those mornings, every morning, when I would have my daughters all ready for school and watch out the window to see when he left for work, because we would both get coffee at the same place. I always made sure we left at the same time so I would run into him. I remember feeling like a character from a Jane Austen novel, scientifically trapping him with my charms. I remember there was onen day when my little one, six at the time, didn't have her shoes on yet, and I yelled at her because we were going to miss him. What an a*s I was. I wonder if he knew what I was doing.
Oct 25 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
Briseis's picture


I didn't even know what *I* was doing. I can't remember my kids at all during that time. I probably did all kinds of really crazy shit :( After I wrote that post, I realized I hadn't THOUGHT about those "crinkly warm eyes" for years. I've heard and read tons about "the eyes of a Narc or psychopathic" and it still didn't hit me until I wrote that post. SOmething big really did happen, especially the second time we connected. My memories are all about his eyes. I suspect he knew he was able to fascinate people (I'm using that word in it's old fashioned sense). I'm sure he was sucking up my response to him like sweet cream. I'm sure he KNEW it was working on me, and that he enjoyed seeing his power display like that. It's why he did it. He had other women hooked on him, too. Our boss was practically in love with him. Turns out she was being beaten by her then husband. I just never applied this to myself, until I wrote that post. I admitted before that I HATE to think that I was that powerless, or "overcome" by his NPD at first, I'd much rather think I had low self esteem and issues (I did, but still) and that's what caused it. If someone tried that on me TODAY I wonder how I'd react. I don't think anyone has done this in quite that way, before or since. I'd like to think my gut would rise up and practically make me puke. Or that my index and middle finger would itch to jump up and poke those crinkly warm eyes out lol. Those crinkly warm eyes and the sudden senselessness I felt were the biggest red flag of all, and I am just now realizing it.
Oct 24 - 5PM
hooklineandsinker's picture

Excited. Relieved beyond

Excited. Relieved beyond belief that I'd finally met someone online that a) I was attracted to and b) was everything I'd been looking for. He was charming and attentive and we had a great conversation over drinks. He offered to walk me to my car. He texted two days later to say it was lovely to meet me and would I like to have dinner soon? We didn't look back from there.
Oct 24 - 11AM
PumpKyn80's picture

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your replies and stories. I can relate to the cognitive diss. One day I feel great about him, and the next day total frustration. When I felt things were going to start to get better, I always felt like he rocked the boat for no reason. I guess I will never understand how I got hooked because when I first met him I felt something was not right, I was not attracted to him, he was not even really charming, and I just felt very uneasy about him and he certainly did not take my breath away, yet I continued and then I started to get hooked after awhile to the point I was even begging him to come back and part of that was because of guilt go figure. I guess it was pity for him, how else can I explain it? He did say all the "right" things in the beginining but deep down I still had that uncomfortable feeling about the whole thing...and it was probably because of how he clung to me immediately among other red flags. And come to think about it those uncomfortable feelings did stay with me throughout the majority of the "relationship" like a cloud. I do remember when I made the decision to break up with him, I felt like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders and it felt so good.
Oct 24 - 10AM
TNR1's picture


I was talking to some other guy, and Mr. N waited until the other guy left and he grabbed my hand and took me over to a table to talk. He was so was intoxicating. What sealed it for me however was that as we were leaving, he pushed me against a wall and kiss me. It was the most passionate kiss I ever received. I was absolutely hooked.