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How to Handle "sightings"

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#1 Jul 29 - 4PM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

How to Handle "sightings"

On another thread, someone was mentioning fear of picking up the phone and having their N on the other line.

I'm eight months out now. Intellectually, I know I have nothing to fear of him now that he is newly married. But still fear persists. I've not been able to go to my favorite grocery store for weeks now. My fear of seeing him with new wife is overwhelming to me. He also works very close by. I saw him about a month ago at an intersection, I ignored him, but I did SEE him. UGH!!! I was just sick. He looked almost "bigger than life" to me. He works five minutes away and lives ten minutes away. Does anyone here have any advice as to how to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable? I'm tired of giving up my life and my favorite places to avoid him. Also, I know he would love to see me suffer in the event that I do see him. I'm lined up for a new therapist next week that specializes in EMDR therapy. I'm very excited about this and am praying and hoping that she can help me through this. My last one just didn't get it. This one knows about personality disorders. I've got to do something the cog/dis and pain feels like death to me. Thank you so much!

Jul 29 - 6PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

EMDR

I feel like death is washing over me too. I live about the same distance as you. My personal opinion is to continue avoiding these places at all costs. I know this is what I must do because I am so vulnerable and hurting so much still. Eight months is not all that long. What is EMDR?
Jul 29 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

EMDR

Rose, it is a relatively new therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy. It is used for those with PTSD, anxiety, intrusive/obsessive thoughts, cog/dis, depression, etc. It is my understanding that it is wonderful and can relieve symptoms rather quickly. I had to call my insurance company to help me so that i could find a specialist that would be covered under my insurance to provide this therapy. I'm very excited about it as I'm hoping it will help to alleviate my symptoms somewhat and also that this new therapist is well versed with personality disorders. I so feel for you. I do avoid these places, but I feel that the more I avoid it, the more he has the control. He's had it long enough in my life.
Jul 29 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

In the early days/weeks of NC- avoiding places is SELF LOVE

I am 9 weeks of NC and I avoid all places he may be. and they are many....and we live so so close....and it is a challenge to do this....AND I know without a doubt it is the absolute right thing for my heart and mind..i know seeing him now would devastate me...I need to make him dead in my life right now...it could be weeks, months....I do not look at it as " he is limiting my life, fuck that". I look at it as total necessary medicine and empowerment to get well and get over this sickness/addiction of my N.... I stay away, I do anything not to run into him, and my body thanks me. my mind thanks me, my heart thanks me... I will drive big fucking U turns away from any place he could be because I know this is pure self love, self protection and armor that my precious heart needs right now.
Jul 29 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

I think if you give it time,

I think if you give it time, you will not care if you run in to him. I am 14 months NC (except for divorce and kids stuff) and I no longer look for him around every corner. I even went out last Friday night knowing he could possibly show up. I just don't care no more. I am ready to live my life! No sob story on earth could change my mind. I am sorry he had a rough life blah, blah, blah, but I have learned that life is what we make it. Life is short and deep down (even in my darkest days with him) I have a happy heart. I plan to keep it that way.