How to have No Contact with the father of your children?

I have found a place that I am happy with in terms of lack of contact/managing contact with my exNh. We have three children, from 3-10, and he has 'standard extended' visitation. He is blocked from my cell, but his home line is unblocked in case our kids need to reach me. My two oldest have iTouches (purchased by me) and can text or facetime me from his house whenever they want. I refuse to speak to him directly, deleting his voicemails if he tries to leave one, and closing the door on his face if he tries to talk to me when he drops off/picks up our youngest. I will say hi if I see him at school, but stay on the opposite end of the room or leave it entirely if I can. Dialogue is only in email form, and I save everything. Each month I send him a break-down of that month's visitation schedule for approval. Once he approves it, it's set in stone. If he forgets or asks to change things, I forward the email with his agreement reminding him. There is no negotiation, no discussion, no leeway, and no ability to mess with OUR life with HIS whims. I don't agree to allow extra visitation or changes to the plan. If he can't take the kids, I keep them, but there aren't 'trades' or 'hey, how about I grab them for dinner'. I've learned repeatedly that this only opens the door to additional communication from him. He's been advised that when he is able to communicate with me respectfully, we can revisit this. Until then, the decree is followed to the letter. This allows me to reply to his requests with 'I prefer to follow the decree. Thanks.'. He'll ask for reasons, try to insult me, threaten me, call me names...and I just reply (sometimes cutting/pasting the same response repeatedly until he stops) 'I prefer to the follow the decree' If he gets upset that I didn't allow him extra time, I have the decree to point fingers at 'This isn't your decreed time. They will see you next on x...' This doesn't stop him from verbally abusing me, which he is fond of saying is my own fault. But I can't control what he says, only my reaction to it. By minimizing his ability to communicate with me to only emails, I have strong boundaries that allow me to open (or not) emails that I can tell just by their first few words will be insulting. I can take the time I want to formulate my reply, making sure it is businesslike and unemotional, despite what barbs he tries to throw my way. Most of the time I don't reply to his rantings at all, only sending short, to-the-point replies to just the questions that require an answer. In turn, my emails initiated by me are informative, short, unemotional, and I ask for nothing that isn't mine by decree. I don't ask him for favors, even if I think he may agree. He doesn't get to have that power over me (he is notorious for changing his mind at the last minute, dangling it like a carrot overhead until I do what he wants). If I am overwhelmed with getting three kids to three different places while working full-time, I ask friends or cancel/change plans. I don't go to him for ANYTHING. If I can't do it on my own, it doesn't happen. If there's something I need his agreement on that's not in the decree (the kids' private school tuition, for example) that's not in the decree, I always have a back-up plan and assume that he will not fulfill his obligations. Then, when he lets us down, I already expected it and am not in crisis. This means I do a little extra planning every step of the way, but it's so worth it in the long-run. He is a mosquito to me, though still a primary player in my kids' lives. I can't control that either, and just hope that he keeps them safe and fed while they are with him. The majority of the time they are with me, and I provide a consistent, nurturing environment that I *can* control. (btw, this only took me three years to figure out. I have come *so* far, but it didn't come naturally, and certainly wasn't easy)

I have 2 children aged 11 and 13. I have absolutely no contact. Any contact with him is too much for me. Everything go through a third. party. I don't allow him on my property. He picks them up and drops them off at the bottom of the garden. Easier that way. Was tricky at first but has mostly settled down now

is the way to go. I have been "co-parenting" for 7 years now. What I have done is: not answer phone calls but allow him to leave a message (He has NEVER left one!), blocked him from texting me (best thing I ever did), left email as has only option for contacting me. I save ALL his emails. In the early days, even his emails made me physically ill, but it has gotten easier. I got cell phones for both my children so that they can always reach me and I them. He has moved multiple times and never bothered to get a landline. I also told my children that they can contact me at any time day or night if they need to while they are with him. As far as what you should and shouldn't talk to him about - I say only things that endanger the health and safety of your children, and only email. If you can, get someone you trust to pick up your children during exchanges. My exN has tried every trick in the book, being chronically late, bringing his OW to flaunt in my face, "forgetting" what time we have agreed to meet and all manner of things.

I tried the whole civil thing but he used them to get to me. The x would rather not have to deal with his kids AT ALL so its easy that way (BAD FOR THEM) sad but I work out of town and they need to stay at his house at night sometimes. I email one liners example...Kids need to stay with you Thur night bus for school in the morning Yes no? Nothing else, no chit chat no nothing, I would not like phone messages becasue I dont want to hear the sound of his voice, I dont like text because it feels like and invasion on my phone. I would say email. One liners, no conversation.

to be NC when you have children with a narc. I have 4 kids with 2 different narcs and I practice what I call low contact or LC. I only communicate by an email account I set up specifically for that purpose and only what is absolutely necessary - no chit chat. I keep every email as documentation for court as I have been back to court numerous times. I follow the parenting plan to the letter with no exceptions made except in the case of a death in the family. If I see the narc in public at a school event or sporting event I act as though they aren't there and sit in an entirely different area than them. I block all known phone numbers to prevent calls/texts and block them from facebook, twitter, etc. I've been doing this for over 5 years although I didn't know about the personality disorder until a year ago. I just knew that exN#1 made my life hell when I had contact with him so I shut him out of my life and the kids' lives when they are with me. My baby girl's dad gives me the silent treatment unless he wants something so I'm good there. Its hard to "parent" with these assclowns but it can be done. Can you tell us more about your situation?