How these asses get you to CURSE and HOLLER like a truck driver when it isn't you at all!

After breaking NC over the last week and finally getting my last digs in, which was initially beneficial to me, I cannot get over how incredibly un-ladylike I became. I started my email to him like this: You son of a cock-sucking whore". I mean that is just SO beneath my normal mode of communication...how did I get SO angry, and, was it his fault that I said these things? I am so ashamed that I spoke to him this way. After all, I am the lady here, not the other way around, so how did he get me so freaking angry that all I want to do is repeat every expletive I can think of in his face? For me, this just speaks to the incredible rage I have towards him, the lack of being able to ever get closure, but also, it seems like it came from an even deeper rage at my own life and marriage, and I felt that part of my cursing tirade was meant to be directed at myself. I knew from the get-go that this guy was not for me heck I knew it at fourteen. And so he delivered, acted like a complete bigoted asshole with true sociopathic attributes and I should have walked away. Did I need someone to curse at...let's say, my father, for instance?

I actually feel really badly that I spoke to him in this way. I feel so foolish, so base, so childish, do foul-louthed and disgusting that I could get to that point of anger.