I am letting myself wreak havoc!

45 posts / 0 new
Last post
Dec 9 - 2PM (Reply to #19)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

That's exactly 100 %

That's exactly 100 % correct.. Some one said it here Walk away with pride and grace.. Keep it shut.. My dear.. This sucks like nothing else you will ever experience... The next step is finding a therapist !! Hunter
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
micahsmommy12
micahsmommy12's picture

Perhaps I misunderstood. this

Perhaps I misunderstood. this often happens when you are reading and not hearing a tone of voice. My apologies, you are welcome to respond my posts, maybe I am just getting overly emotional.
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #14)
Used
Used's picture

micahsmommy12

OK, DONE AND DUSTED... You will be emotional and in away it would be better if you were not friends with her... Her first loyalty is always going to be to narc and husband cos they have been friends for so long.... He is doing this on purpose.....if you always keep this in mind it may help a bit...xx I just don't like the fact she told you, but didnt expect you to react....that would be almost imposible not to react after being told this......what did she expect, bottom line..... SHE SHOULDNT HAVE TOLD YOU AT ALL...
Dec 9 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
micahsmommy12
micahsmommy12's picture

Yeah...I need to just let

Yeah...I need to just let that part of our relationship go. Just because I can't confide in her about this doesn't mean she can't be my friend. I just have to keep my distance. If I still can count her as a friend. It feels very good to hear that other people understand how I feel. I have given up so much for this man, in so little time, it amazes me.
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #15)
Layla
Layla's picture

Used- GREAT POINT!

These clowns will use others to get to us, ESPECIALLY when we go No Contact.....they will go to all ends of the earth to F&*K with us. They do it on purpose. They are cold and calculating indeed. love~ Layla
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Here's an idea.. Or even a

Here's an idea.. Or even a lesson.. This will help you with your situation.. Think before you react.... Take it all in.. You are in overdrive.. Hunter
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
micahsmommy12
micahsmommy12's picture

Yes. I have always been

Yes. I have always been impulsive. sometimes to the point of destruction. It's time to grow up.
Dec 9 - 1PM
blueworld
blueworld's picture

alot of toxicity

first of all though my situation is not the same please take a few steps back and just breathe you have been knocked down, forced to hide your feelings, voice, thoughts, feelings, responses, and care for yourself for so long. when this happens and we are bursting through the water and grasping for your first breath of air and no longer drowning your fighting for your life you are no longer in control of your emotions because now that you are fighting for your life everything is coming out at once in a explosion beleive me though i didnt do what you did i did something ridiculous too when i broke up with mine and he moved out and went back home to his mommy and his state we stayed in contact via phone, and even bought a plane ticket for him to come home "because he was sorry for emotionally cheating on me and lying about yet another girl and texing her" like a idiot i believed...ok..at some point all this fighting and explaining and catching him and his apologies im going to be not lied to , not cheated on, not manipulated etc so i hung on to every word, literally already forgave him and waited for the days he would come home to me. i text everyday..maybe got one or two back...finally three days before he was suppose to come home i called him this is what i got a cold monotone distant sarcastic uncaring evil cruel sick voice calmly saying "i dont love you anymore" "i dont want to be with you, i dont want to marry you or have kids with you, but i want to get married and have kids" "no one likes you, no one wants anything to do with you" "i have found someone who wants to give me everything" "come get your shit out of my moms house, maybe ill take you to red robin for a hour" "let me know a hour before you get here, i need a heads up" "i hate you" "your fucked up, get counseling blueworld you need help" "i never was this way with anyone but you. your the only one i think is trying to manipulate me and make me angry" after i COMPLETELY LOST IT ON THE PHONE crying, begging, apologizing, pleading, screaming, swearing and LOSING IT i hung up and immediatly blew up his phone with..oh i dont know a hundred texts saying i hate him he has always been the abuser he will never be a huge performer or artist or star he will only be a karaoke singer he has always been the cheater that he will pay for what he has done because even though no one knows god knows that i am glad his step dead was dead least he got out of the fucked up family for good darling, i sounded and acted like a lunatic and i stopped and went no contact. immediatly i have been nc since oct 7th and going strong so for this moment on, take a shower. get rid of everything you can attached to him. go no contact with anyone you can ass. with him. and go into self care immediatly you can do it! we are all here to help!
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
micahsmommy12
micahsmommy12's picture

You're right

I have done all that and obviously more. I lost it and I have been losing it for 2 months, even after a month of NC, One phone call he made sent me into slow tail spin. I have thought at times, maybe I do need to distance myself from our mutual friends. But she is my best friend, she has been the person I confide in for 6 years. That is harder to let go than any man. And her knowing him, made it easier I suppose because she has been there through all of this. In fact, part of me thinks that since our breakup, I want to cling to them more because it is a connection to him. It's not good, but I'm torn. I don't want to lose her. But I do wish she would hate him too but he is her husbands friend of over 30 years, he was in their wedding 12 years ago. It is obviously a messy situation. I'm starting to think he did actually manipulate this situation, I think he does not want them to be friends with me either. I understand how my email is the catalyst to the drama...but I still don't understand why he cares she mentioned it. Its no reason to be so mad or think you can't trust someone. I am coming from a place where I'm not trying to manipulate anyone, and he is very very smart. So maybe I was naive to think he wouldn't orchestrate this.
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
blueworld
blueworld's picture

micah

things to remember It goes without saying that if the narcissist has come between you and others to isolate you (so that you have no one else to turn to for human companionship and support) re-establish those relationships pronto. Narcissists, like any predator, always try to cut their prey out of the herd. Don't let them succeed. NPD Characteristics & Traits The following list is a collection of some of the more commonly observed behaviors and traits of those who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Click on the links on each one for much more information about a particular trait or behavior and some ideas for coping with each. Abusive Cycle - The Abusive Cycle describes the characteristic rotation between destructive and constructive behavior that typically exists in dysfunctional relationships and dysfunctional families. Alienation - Alienation means interfering or cutting a person off from relationships with others. This can be done by manipulating the attitudes and behaviors of the victim or of the people with whom they come in contact. The victim's relationships with others may be sabotaged through verbal pressure, threats, diversions, distortion campaigns and systems of rewards and punishments. "Always" & "Never" Statements - "Always" & "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true. Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused. Baiting and Picking Fights - Baiting and Picking Fights is the practice of generating a provocative action or statement for the purpose of obtaining an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another person. Blaming - Blaming is the practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem. Bullying - Bullying is any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength. Cheating - Cheating is sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else. Denial- Denial is believing or imagining that some factual reality, circumstance, feeling or memory does not exist or did not happen. Dissociation- Dissociation, or disassociation, is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality. Divide and Conquer - Divide and Conquer is a method of gaining and advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other. Domestic Theft -Domestic theft is consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval. Emotional Blackmail - Emotional Blackmail describes the use of a system of threats and punishments on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behaviors. Entitlement - Entitlement or a 'Sense of Entitlement' is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others. False Accusations - False accusations, distortion campaigns & smear campaigns are patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when a personality disordered individual tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else - usually a family member, spouse, partner, friend or colleague. Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a group of peers. Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits - Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits are methods of withholding support, harassing or prolonging conflict by bringing unsubstantiated accusations, meritless appeals or diversionary process into a relationship or a former relationship using the court system as a proxy. Gaslighting - Gaslighting is the practice of systematically convincing an individual that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term "Gaslighting" is taken from the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”. Harassment - Harassment is any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior from one individual to another. Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor, taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim, trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship gets "sucked back in" when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior. Impulsiveness and Impulsivity - Impulsiveness - or Impulsivity - is the tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning. Imposed Isolation - Isolation from friends, family and supportive communities is common among victims of abuse. Isolation is sometimes caused by an abusive person who does not want their victim to have close relationships with others who may challenge their behavior. Often, isolation is self-imposed by abuse victims, who out of a sense of shame or guilt, fear the judgment of others. Intimidation - Intimidation is any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat. Invalidation - Invalidation is the creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless. Lack of Conscience - Individuals who suffer from personality disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience. Lack of Object Constancy - A lack of object constancy is a symptom of some personality disorders. Lack of object constancy is the inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children do not develop until 2 or 3 years of age. Narcissism - Narcissism is a term used to describe a set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others. The name comes from the Greek Mythological Character Narcissus, who rejected love from others and fell in love with his own reflection in the water. These characteristics are common in people who suffer from personality disorders, especially Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Neglect - Neglect is a passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of an individual who is incapable of providing for themselves are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them. No-Win Scenarios - No-Win Scenarios and Lose-Lose Scenarios are situations commonly created by people who suffer from personality disorders where they present two bad options to someone close to them and pressure them into choosing between the two. This usually leaves the non-personality-disordered person with a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" feeling. Objectification - Objectification is the practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object. Parental Alienation Syndrome - Parental Alienation Syndrome is a term which is used to describe the process by which one parent, who is typically divorced or separated from the other biological parent, uses their influence to make a child believe that the other estranged parent is bad, evil or worthless. Pathological Lying - Pathological lying is persistent deception to serve one's own interests with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs. Proxy Recruitment - Proxy Recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you. Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression are explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute. Rages threaten the security or safety of another individual and violate their personal boundaries. Sabotage - Sabotage is the impulsive disruption of a calm or harmonious status quo in a relationship or domestic situation, occasionally perpetrated by those with Personality Disorders, in order to serve a personal interest, to provoke a conflict or to draw attention to themselves. Scapegoating - Scapegoating is the practice of singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame. Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia is the use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome. Self-Aggrandizement - Self-Aggrandizement is a pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority. Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad. Stalking - Stalking is any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual. Testing - Testing is the practice of repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to the relationship. Thought Policing - Thought Policing is any process of trying to question, control, or unduly influence another persons thoughts or feelings. Threats - Threats are written or verbal warnings of intentional, inappropriate, destructive actions or consequences. Tunnel Vision - Tunnel Vision is the habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.
Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
micahsmommy12
micahsmommy12's picture

Interesting...funny thing

Interesting...funny thing is...this is not the first friendship where he played a role in it's demise. When we first started dating, my other best friend of 15 years' mother was staying with me. She and him did not get along. She hated him. She warned me. Me and my friend always thought of her as a "man hater". She had her own issues which made it easy for me to brush off her warnings. She and him got into arguments, putting me in the middle. I chose him, he seemed more rational, and I thought I loved him. Her teenage on stole some money from me. Stupid, yes, but he is 14, definitely forgivable. He convinced me I needed to ask them to leave. He told me, since we would not be there when they moved out I NEEDED to tell heer that if anything went missing I would assume it was her son. I did it. Why? I still don't know. 2 days later something of mine came up missing. I confronted my friend about her mother and brother. She told me it sounded like a manipulation to get money from them, which it definitely was not. She has not talked to me since. Completely blocked me out of her life, changed her phone number of 10 years. SMH how did I let this happen?
Dec 9 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

MM, you don't have to do

anything now. It's done so leave it where it is. Hopefully your friend will come around. If she is a true friend, she will. You apologized. It will pass. Next time you want to vent come here and write it! Write it to him on this board, where your words will be understood and appreciated and not used against you. MM, just try to let this go. Take deep breaths and tell yourself you are okay, because you are. You do have more control than you know...now is the time to realize that and exercise that. You can get through the rush of feelings minute by minute. Acknoweldge what you are feeling and let it go. You are not going crazy, your emotions are running wild and that's normal after an experience like this. You don't have to act on them, however. Acknowledge them, vent them here and let it go. It's okay to do nothing. I think in this case now the best thing would be to do nothing and work on letting it go. Hugs to you. It will be okay. Trust in that. Sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHALLENGE BUT I REFUSE TO SPIN EVER AGAIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE

spinning

Dec 9 - 12PM
jackguy
jackguy's picture

If she is a real friend

she will be able to perceive something off about the narc if she looks closely. If she's not willing to look then I wouldn't say screw her, but I would say she may not be the friend you need now. You have to be ruthless to protect yourself against these pr____. I would stay away from her for a while - you are what matters now - remember that.
Dec 9 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

But why is he so mad she

But why is he so mad she mentioned he asked about me? Why does he care, he has had breakups with mutual friends before it happens. People talk. I don't what to do. WHY DO YOU CARE EITHER....LET THEM ALL GO FXXK THEMSELVES..