I am not me anymore .. please read !

You are not a Narc. From what you've said and others here, the difference between you all and the Narc's is: 1. You recognize that you are hurting someone 2. You feel sadness that you are hurting someone 3. You have empathy 4. YOU CARE AND HAVE A HEART They just move on with no care of what they did or are doing. They do not want to dwell in the pain so, they ignore reality. They go off and create a new fantasy believing that this other new person is going to make things all better when the problem is from within. They change the outside circumstances instead of working on the issues inside. Just continue to work on the inside and fix what is going on in there first before expecting anything from the outside to change. Doing just that will make you 1,000 times better than any Narc walking this Earth.

You dont want to share yourself with anyone now, you are shutting your husband out as I AM. We have been severely hurt and betrayed and a million other things and you know what? I just want to say to the world, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE I have HAD A REALLY REALLY ROUGH past 5 years - I am someone you DO NOT want to mess with right now, and with good reason, I have been used, raped, mind F'd abused and thrown out and I am not giving my love to anyone right now, just myself. Stay Away from me. You are NOT a narc, if you were you would not be on this forum in pain and hurting, you would be out trolling for a different man to give you supply - quite frankly that is the LAST thing on the face of this earth I want

I can SO identify with this as well. I was in such an emotional state as the D&D was happening that I couldn't really handle any demand on me at all. I was addicted to my N. I think our feelings so early on must be similar to how people feel withdrawing from substances....kind of over the top irritable, in pain and emotional! It passed for me with time. I feel more and more like myself every day. The longer I am NC, the more I can give to those around me. I felt like my husband might never be able to fill the spot my narc had...but it is changing around for me. Although I don't think I'll ever experience that crazy strong chemistry again...but that is a sacrifice I'll make. You're not alone and hopefully it feels better to see we've been there too :) Hugs for you! ~KG

I could have written this post word for word. Not only do I feel like I might be a Narcissist, but I feel like sometimes I actually go so far as to "Hoover" my N. To test him, make sure I can still get his attention (supply?!) And I do feel horrible for the way I treat my husband at times. I'm not very good at "fake it 'till you make it." It's scary.... I've gotta' get to the bottom of these issues... FFI

Yes, I know what you're going through as I too have had these same feelings and attitude towards my husband after my affair with the Narc. I feel like I've been such a bitch to him sometimes and it's so unfair to him, but I know I'm not a Narc. My husband and I were also having problems prior to my affair, which also contributed to me being receptive to the Narc's attention and flattery. Discovering my husband still had a huge internet porn addiction that he was continuing to hide from me for how many years, I don't know, was a big factor in our problems and the decline of our sex life. I had discovered it several years before and he led me to believe he quit (I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and went back into denial). The truth is, he just got better at hiding it. Finding all of this out, completely changed the way I view my husband, my respect for him, my ability to trust him, and especially sex with him. I also found I used this as an excuse to justify my affair with the Narc, which it is not, but it probably lessened my guilt.

I feel rally ashamed of myself. However, I did seek a separation and my husband did blackmail me via my son to keep me "behaving" myself - if not a full narc, he is at least very passive aggressive.... and so therefore, I feel less guilt....

Narcissist? No way. Depressed maybe?, frustrated and taking it out on the wrong person yeah, but you're not an N! I think we all have experienced emotional turmoil and reflected that outwards.....but what makes you NOT an N, is that you recognized and you feel bad. You have empathy for your husband. So, again, YOU ARE NOT AN NARCISSIST. I agree with the advice for councelling. You really can't deal with all of this shit without the help of a professional.

I know exactly what you mean. I feel that I no longer really care about people but have this insane passion about my own family only. This is how the narc was: he didn't give a shit about anyone but his two brothers and his foster child. If you said anything against one of them he would have killed you, literally. I also find that I CANNOT CALL PEOPLE or ANSWER THEIR CALLS. I am texting everyone but my mom, who doesn't know how to text. I also fnd that I don't want to be close to people, don't want to make plans, don't want to cook or have people over. She's right: if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas. But a lot of it, too, is that we are really messed up emotionally. Give it time.

No, you are not a narcissist! I would say it is quite normal not to take all the bullshit and reacting to it. I just recently realized that I want to hurt my narc emotionally while at the same time still had feelings for him - felt all confused about it but then it made me realize that this means I just cannot be with him. Also because of the way he's made me act. I've started making these mean sarcastic comments aimed at him, trying to get some reaction from him. But of course he won't change. I think you really can only become yourself again if you get away from him. Just be careful when you meet a normal guy not to treat him as if he was your narc. That's the only danger I see.

NO you are not an N. I too have thought I was an N or a borderline. It is very common to take on these peoples traits after you have had extended contact with them. The longer you go without contact you will start to see these traits disappear. Are you on any meds? or counseling. I am on both. Well I say that but I will be starting counseling Wed Its the old saying if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas