I can't believe he's still on my mind!

Hi all,

While I don't post as much as I used to, I always stay close to this site and read the topics carefully. This is a beautiful community.

The title of my post expresses my anger, resentment and frustration of where I am in my healing. I haven't seen my ex in 15 months and haven't heard from him in a year. I went full NC in Sept 2012 (blocked him...up until that point I was still engaging in looking at him on FB, until I finally had enough). I even left the country that he lives in! (Not because of him, although, oddly enough, the timing was right). But he's still there. In the back of my mind. I wonder why he hasn't contacted me to apologize (even though my very rational mind understands this - HE'S BLOCKED so how could he? and it wouldn't make a difference). I get it, I do. But I still hurt. I heard 'our song' today and wow, I was triggered. Full-on crying. For the 'good' times, for when he was good to me, and mourning the loss of a man who didn't exist. Right now this grief is overwhelming. I know I'm coming from a place where I'm not very happy...moved back home, not working in my field and just trying to get ahead financially. So I can see how my mind would wander back to him and wonder how he's getting on. UGH.

I've worked with a wonderful therapist about this but for some reason the puzzle pieces just haven't fallen into place. My emotions haven't caught up with my rational mind. I want him to just be my ex...when I talk about him or think about him, it's fleeting; not overwhelming. I suppose I just feel stuck. Any words of wisdom? xx