I feel like a horrible person for wishing ill upon him

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#1 Feb 12 - 9PM

Piscesdream

I feel like a horrible person for wishing ill upon him

But I really wish he would miss me and feel terrible for letting me go. I was honestly the best thing that happened to him and I hate that he just ups and moves on. I hate how he treated me and I hate how he treats others in general. I don't wish for ill upon his kids, but I wish for ill upon him (mentally and emotionally). I so badly want karma to kick him in the ass! I so badly want the memories of our good times together to haunt him for the rest of his life.

I know it's not worth it, but I can't let it go. I can't let it go that he had me going for a few years. I can't stand that he can just go on and do what he did to women before me, what he did to me, and what he will do to women after me. I can't stand that he never saw my worth (because I never saw MY worth until now).

Ugh.....

#2 Feb 14 - 12AM

Piscesdream

Today is his birthday and I

Today is his birthday and I hope he had a bad one!!! I feel so bad for saying this, but I hope he gets prostate cancer or alzheimer's...wouldn't matter anyway.

#3 Feb 13 - 8PM

toonice

what comes around goes around

I too am stuck in a phase of wanting him to suffer for all the pain he has inflicted on so many people. He went after his Minister because he didn't do what he wanted him to in helping get his kids.. he dumped me because I didn't write an email. the list goes on... well life in his world is spinning right now. I have not had contact and I am not going to break this time. Since he and I stopped speaking his daughter is flunking first grade, the counselors he tried to get to go to court for him have turned on him and might even petition the court for negligence in parenting. His exwife will not agree to ballet recital he wants his daughter in. She also slammed him for not working full time and the fact that his kids need clothes and shoes. He got great satisfaction in "taking down" people. Was in a"knife fight" with his ex over kids. HE wants 50% custody. One of my radars went up months ago when I said.. eventually she will find someone and want you to take the kids every weekend so she can go out. HE got angry.. if she gave in and gave up the kids then it was not a battle Won ! That night I went home and thought... he is just not right... and then Thanksgiving came and she had an out of town visitor and gave him the kids for 3 days that he was not suppose to have them. Was he pleased.. No! he found a way to turn it all into her being a bad parent and putting a man first etc etc.. you get the picture. nothing makes them happy. Hired a PI to find out who the guy was. This was when I decided this guy is insane......but it took me a month to get to the leaving point. He most likely has found a new victim who is helping him through all his drama. I don't believe they can deal with the drama alone. They always have someone to hold things together for them until that person is not doing it the way they want it done.

#4 Feb 13 - 11AM

cynthia (not verified)

feel like a horrible person for wishing ill upon him

That is because we dont enjoy hurting other humans like they do. Stop and remember though how he NEVER CARED how he hurt you and how he used you. I have always said this and I will say it again, I will move on from this but I can never take back the years he destroyed in my life, they are gone. I want to lock him away for the same amount of time he took from my life, so that would be around 4 years, see how he likes his life taken away from him for all those years. I think thats fair and just.

#5 Feb 13 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

angelgal

I agree with Cynthia

It isn't in us to hurt others, so having the feelings of wishing them bad, isn't so easy for us, like it is for them. I am right where you are exactly!! Everyday I pray that fireguy gets his payback!! His BAD KARMA!! More than I can ever tell you, so I understand you completely! I've even wished that he would burn in a fire, talk about feeling like a horrible person! I almost told him that is what I wished on him...but I kept it to myself because I didn't want to stoop to his level of cruelness...instead I told him that I hope he burns in hell for all the lies and the way he used me and treated me like nothing! These feelings of ill will have come from all the pain they have caused us! Not because we are bad people in any way! Just remember how it was nothing for them to use us and lie and cheat and then discard us like nothing, and here we are so damaged and lost... trying so hard to dig out from the hole they left us in and their on to the next girl. Were not and never will be horrible, THEY ARE, and they always will be, always remember that!

#6 Feb 13 - 4PM (Reply to #17)

cynthia (not verified)

He will burn in hell and no ice chips from me

Hey I always wished mine would get shot in the head on duty, isnt that awful? I dont wish death upon anybody I do wish however that something would happen to him one day that would show him he is mentally sick and the lives he has shattered, but since they dont have any emotions of caring for others nothing will work. Maybe he will lose something in his life that will cause him horrific narc injury or maybe just maybe he is miserable every day of his sick life and that is how he pays for the crimes he has done to humanity. He is a law enforcer that is a criminal, he isnt an inmate he is an outmate, ha ha Lots of them are corrupt, mine is mentally ill and walks around with a badge on and masturbates in his squad car, ha ha ha I would love to pull him over and catch him just a going at it, I would say excuse me sir its against the law to have sex with yourself in public, he would fail the eye test because he is probably half blind and has carpel tunnel from over use of his hand. LOL He would pull out a pic of the love of his life and it would be a pic of his hand, ha ha ha he would say, this is my girlfriend, right Barbara just like you said.

#7 Feb 13 - 6AM

aceonelady

wishing ill

Well i wish mine not ill but i really do wish him to gain more weight and he hates it....I left him in December 2008 and when i went back to the USA in May 2009 he had gained about 12 pounds,was drinking (what he didnt do when with me)Hee is 42 look older and is very slow now with his 240 pound and 6'1 he had already ED problems,he smokes a lot and eat a lot of fat foods and sodas with a lot of sugars !Well i think his ding a ling will be totally down by now,,,And i hope he will be turned down a lot by the young girls on the net!I think he will be having a reality check...

Aceonelady

#8 Feb 13 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

rache

i prayed that

for every lie he told that he'd gain weight=he is up to 269 from 245.Praise GOD!

#9 Feb 13 - 12AM

itreallyisabouthim

Well, if he were the sort of

Well, if he were the sort of guy who could reflect on your value he wouldn't have been the sort of guy to set you up and run off, know what I mean? Not gonna get that sort of heartfelt reaction from a N ever. It sucks and is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. I remember being in tears, pregnant, holed up in a motel room just to get away from mine, and my mom saying to me "you know, you may have to leave him without him having any clue why". She knew I was waiting for a closure that just wasn't going to happen. I knew the relationship was over but I wanted him to understand WHY before I could leave. I wanted him to get the point. They never get anything. They just don't. And I personally think wishing ill on someone who stole from you (time, feelings, sex...) is an appropriate reaction.

#10 Feb 13 - 12AM

Barbara (not verified)

he's not human.... nothing will affect him... nothing

he can't miss you his brain is LITERALLY formed & wired different he doesn't care... if he's a sexual narc - then you were just warm plumbing to him. http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/11/26/stages-recovery-narcissism-victims http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/10/14/recommended-reading-victims http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/10/why-narcissist-cannot-love http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/10/reality-suffering-accepting-what-he ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#11 Feb 13 - 12AM (Reply to #2)

Piscesdream

I was a trophy girlfriend

I was a trophy girlfriend (me in my mid 20's and he in his early 50's). And yes, it was mostly about sex to him. When we had a brief break up. He told me he missed me and I thought it was sweet. I told him I missed seeing his face and snuggling with him and he said, "I missed the blow jobs and boobs". He laughed and I laughed and then I thought...that's it? Sick fuck.

#12 Feb 13 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

angelgal

Thats all these sickos think about...

are blow jobs and boobs!! Mine use to tell me the same thing, when I would say, "I missed talking to you". He would say, I missed you doing this or that and how he thought about it all the time, NOT ME, but what I did for him in bed! It makes me want to vomit because we are sooo much more than that! Its like thats all we were good for to them! They don't care about how sweet we are, our loyalty, all the nice things we did for them!! NOPE, just T & A!! May all the sick fucks get theirs times 10!

#13 Feb 13 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

cynthia (not verified)

I missed the blow jobs and boobs"

Thats it, that is the depth of their need for women. Did he miss your good qualities? Did he mention one? Funny how everyone else sees those qualities but them. If we are attractive and sexy we are whores and only good for one thing, they are masters of the universe and we better kneel and give them blow jobs and while we are down there, kiss their ass too. Mine used to tell me you would feel powerful if you had a dick. Mine is a Sheriff so I asked him does that dick and badge make you feel powerful? He thought he was hot stuff when he was getting dressed for work, adjusting his belt and all his guns and weapons. The only weapon he used on me was right between his legs and he uses it to rape women, his other weapon is his charming words because they are all lies. Mine would call and ask how my sweet p---y was. Thats all he saw in me thats all they see in all women.

#14 Feb 13 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

rache

cynthia

mine would ask the same damn thing! Hows my sweet p...y,barfs..........they're so predictable now that we know what to look for........

#15 Feb 13 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

rache

and i'd bet not the first

nor,the last.There will always be fresh meat for these sexual narcs,that,have money/and or power.a very useful tool and they know it.Next comes their charm and looks.Old ugly ones(like my ex)just self destruct.

#16 Feb 13 - 12AM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

guess what?

that WAS it. he wasn't kidding. ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website

#17 Feb 13 - 1AM (Reply to #4)

Piscesdream

Now I'm officially pissed of

Now I'm officially pissed of and DEFINITELY wish ill upon him. I hope his wife takes ALL of his money. I hope his teen kids abandon him after they graduate. And I hope he gets layed off again from his big movie production company. When New Line Cinema went down, he lost his job as VP of distribution. His new job with Sony Pictures is 11 positions down from what he had with New Line Cinema. When he lost his job, he completely forgot about me. That's when the monster was coming out (honeymoon period was over). I stuck it through thinking that if he got another job then we would get back our great relationship (at the time it was good before he got layed off). But 2 weeks after he got his new job he was still monster. So I said enough is enough and went back and forth on my thoughts. But he said, "We are breaking up. You want it, I want it. This is happening." And then he has treated me like a stranger since in public. But he left a few mean and threatening voicemails to me (because you can't copy and forward voicemails like you can emails). He even said that I "ruined each and every good memory" he had of me..."the movies, our restaurants, the gummy bears" because I showed up at our hang out spot and he felt threatened because I talk to his friends.

#18 Feb 13 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

rache

PiscesJNJ

i'm not judging,nor condemning you as you were seduced and manipulated by this predator,but,NOW that you are aware,that,A.He is a sexual narc and B.That he is married should be CLEAR enough signs to stay clear and NC from him! You are a very young attractive woman,and,can find someone unattached and available.These men are NEVER available emotionally,morally,and definitely NOT committed to just you.

#19 Feb 13 - 3AM (Reply to #5)

alfrebob

I get it

I just want mine to have a heart attack and drop dead. He is breathing in the air of all the good people on this planet and every breath out is poison. That's how he makes me feel but soon I won't care whether he is alive or dead. Then I know I am finally healed and in a healthy place.

#20 Feb 14 - 5AM (Reply to #6)

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

wishing them ill

i freely admit to wishing mine dead....the sooner and more horrible the better...mine is not human..he needs to be, and deserves to be eradicated......in my opinion, wishing ill on someone who has harmed you as much as a NARC does is healthy and is a barometer of your self esteem and self respect....

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