I feel like I've turned a corner.
I feel like I've turned a corner.
...Hopefully. lol :D
I really have enjoyed my rides home from work, without hearing his voice. I have enjoyed not 'having' to stop what I would be doing, to call him at whatever time he requested, because he had to go to bed early for this job. I've enjoyed talking to whomever I please, and not 1000 questions at the end of the day. (to catch me in a lie, or to make me feel bad)
I have enjoyed the freedom away from this man. I really FELT it today. FREEDOM from the whole dynamic. All those tears last week. All that anguish on Sat night. All of it, I had to go through, to get to the other side.
Ladies ...keep swimming to that other side. Getting there, when you're swimming, and kicking, and paddling...it can be hard. Very. You will want to turn around and swim back to what was familiar, the pain...and wanting him. But, trust me...the closer I get to the other side of this, the better I really do feel.
I think we can read tons of articles. We can listen to each other's stories. We can share our stories here. But, we have to be committed to the hard work of NC and the hard work of the swim to the other side. (I'm dubbing it that now for myself lol)
I also decided to start thinking like him. I will not back down. I will not run away from that website, like a scared little kid. Granted, if it thwarts my recovery, I will take breaks. But, I have people on there who have become pals...and I enjoy the site. Why should I let him run me away? But, I have decided to start thinking like him--and I am nothing more than a pawn in a game to him. At one point, maybe MAYBE what we had was real. But, this whole thing. The profile nonsense, the luring me back, the smashing me down over texts...it's going to stop.
No matter what he says, does...on that website or to me directly...he will get no reply. Because no reply will be what he does not expect nor want. And he is trying hard to get reactions from me. It dawned on me...that he wants me to be thinking of him. To feel regretful of my decision. He is preying on my emotions. The pic of the chick didn't get my attention. The porn pics he is now posting on the website with comments that say he wants to 'do them' *eye roll* isn't getting my attention. So he resorted to being kind to get my attention. And it worked. I took the bait. Texted.
I have become wiser though. Being smashed down is not something I want for myself. Ladies. We deserve better than these people. I would glad remain single forever, than tolerate one more SECOND of this treatment. I turned a corner today. I don't want to hear from him. If he plays games to get my attention, I'll be ready to not react.
I am proud of myself. I am not interested in going on his profile. :) That's progress. And doesn't feel like a struggle. If he wants to put all kinds of nonsense up...go for it, babe. If he wants to keep my pics and comments up...go for it. I'm truly going to let this man go.
I know why I kept going back. And now that I'm dealing with those demons, the urge to want to call him for validation, is dissipating.
Keep swimming ladies! You'll get to the other side. I'm not there yet, but I can at least see it. :)
UPDATE
Fantastic D! love to hear
Wahooooo
woot! :=)
D!!!! Big CHEERS!!!!
spinning
Asking men like this for
Yes, exactly. lol @ jack the
Wonderful D!....keep
KG
Like my new picture?? I'm
KG lol