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I free myself from the need........let's heal

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#1 Sep 20 - 11AM
Trulybroken
Trulybroken's picture

I free myself from the need........let's heal

I had a session with my Thai Yoga practitioner yesterday and I told her about my latest relapse with the ex and how I felt like if him and I could just make amends, the pain of the past would go away (wishful thinking right)

Well contacting him again after a year was all about what needs I had.

She did some meditation with me and asked me to say out loud
"I free myself from the need....." (and added what I felt my need to contact my ex was)
Then I took deep breath out and visualized my breath going up and into the devine (universe, god of your HP), and keep repeating "I free myself from the need.......)
She asked to repeat it a few times and keep releasing. This is one of the paths to self love and healing.

We all have different needs to stay with, date, marry and continue to contact people who are not healthy for us.

My need was to want him to make amends. To want to fool myself into thinking he was healing. I now free myself from the need to have this and know I do not need anything from this person. I have all I need

What do you feel your need from the ex's?

Sep 21 - 9AM
Trulybroken
Trulybroken's picture

It's tough to let go of the

It's tough to let go of the needs, but what we feel and how we heal is not about anyone else, especially the N's. They were just a catalyst to finding that something inside of us that just wasn't right. today, I free myself from the need to keep looking for answers as to why. The why just is and life just happens.
Sep 20 - 3PM
ValiditySeeker
ValiditySeeker's picture

I used to feel the need

To hear him say "I'm sorry." To admit that he gaslighted me by stealing my stuff, throwing my stuff away,That I wasn't an awful person line I claimed, etc. etc. To admit to the WHOLE lie that was our relationship. I wanted him not to simply say the words but to actually FEEL bad about how he treated me. But I now know that any person capable of treating others the way he treated me is not capable of feeling bad. Otherwise, he wouldn't have done those things. These days, I need nothing from him. Nothing. All I need at the moment is maybe a nice nap. or a piece of chocolate would be nice. Other than that, it's good to be me.
Sep 20 - 12PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Get to the root of the need

Get to the root of the need and it won't grow back. There is always a root to it and it usually has nothing to do with narc. On the surface it may seem so but it doesn't.
Sep 20 - 11AM
Sea
Sea's picture

I needed my exN to tell me i

I needed my exN to tell me i meant something to him. Although he is an N and cannot feel love, I am someone special to him. I am not just a random woman in his life. Like u say I need to let go of this need as it will never happen. I knew I am just a random woman to him.
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I know it hurts but you were.

I know it hurts but you were. There life is all random. When you have no stable sense of self life is random you never know if when u wake up whether you will want choclate or vanilla. You aren't even really sure if you like ice cream. Its all random. Just a seried abandonment and reunions followed by abandonment again
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
With a little h... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I feel the need for him to

I feel the need for him to tell me in person that he is sorry. I guess I feel that he could somehow console my mourning, even though it would not change the breakup, I just feel that maybe it would make me feel that I meant something. It would make me feel like he was really sorry for what he did, even if he didn't mean it, it would make me feel like he did. Maybe that would make it easier to cope. I feel the need to have a conversation and talk it out. Maybe that would be my closure. I don't know why I can't accept the email as the closure? I did not respond, NC. I am not sure who that is killing more, me or him?
Sep 20 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

Here's Your I'm Sorry

Say it to yourself - "I'm Sorry". Over and over and over and over again. "I'm sorry that I got hurt". "I'm sorry that I believed in him". "I'm sorry that I'm having a hard time getting through this". "I'm sorry that I feel so badly". "I'm sorry that he wasn't the man I thought he was". "I'm sorry he wasn't the man I hoped he was". And listen to yourself, comforting yourself. You can provide that comfort to yourself. It starts to feel really good inside. Just try it. :)))) xoxox
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
How could I
How could I's picture

But I'm sorry

But I'm sorry has no meaning to them. Mine told me "I'm sorry" so many times, yet it was the most lame I'm sorry I have ever heard. Just said it very quickly, and it sounded empty. Sometimes I believe that hurt more than if he never said it.
Sep 20 - 11AM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

I have the need to defend myself and show him

that I'm a good person and I'm not "crazy." He tried to make me out to be something I'm not to make me the scapegoat, but all along it was bc of his N and abuse. He blamed my divorce which happened a couple of years before I knew him on me, and my exH was normal. Our love just faded after 10 years. My exN made up this story that I was "crazy" and so my exH had to get away and ran out the door leaving everything behind. Complete FABRICATION. WTF? My exN also accused me of many other things that I have no idea how he got those ideas. Thank you for sharing this post. It was very interesting. xx
Sep 20 - 11AM
Trulybroken
Trulybroken's picture

I also have a need to not

I also have a need to not want be alone "I free myself from the need of having someone so I am not alone"
Sep 20 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Dema
Dema's picture

The need

I think my need was to be validated after my first divorce. But I know I am vulnerable now because - well, my second divorce, and because the thought of living alone during retirement scares me. Fortunately, I have probably 10 years until then - but the fact that I am really bothered by it now really speaks to how I feel. I also have felt all my life that a person is measured in value by their meaning to others. This can be by the difference they make in a relative stranger's life, or by the amount that somebody wants them. Example - funerals are for the living. But how many of us would want to visit our own funeral? To see who came? To see how many came? Who REALLY cares? Did my living and breathing matter? I don't think that this second issue is a bad one. Surely, it helps run the world. If we didn't feel that way, how much charity work would get done? How much just general goodness to others would happen? But there is a vulnerability there - "I need you! Help me! I can't live without you!" That's what I got from my Narc - because that spoke to my core. Those of you with different cores probably got a somewhat different approach - but I think most of us have similar cores. That's what makes us vulnerable.