I got caught by contact

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#1 Jul 25 - 11AM
Done sourcing
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I got caught by contact

I got caught by contact, it happened a few days ago. The exwn calls me while I am sitting on the couch with our child, knowing the exwn is coming by soon to pickup our kid, as we share custody and her days start that afternoon. When I answer she tells me that she has cancelled her texting feature on her phone. I react, as it angers me (fear) that I can't communicate throught texting anymore. I get overwhelmed immediately knowing that this means we have to talk, and I have worked so hard on limiting contact. I hate this so much!

I called her back later when out of earshot from my kid, and let her know how I thought it was insane to not be able to text, and she said her bill was too high, that she spent too much on overages because of talking to her bf, and that she increased her minutes and that that cost money, so she cancelled texting to help with the cost. BULLSHIT. She got her supply from me, I got pissed, because texting has worked so well for me...it made it possible to navigate through visitation without talking, because when we talk she continues the dance of death, and sometimes I play, and I always hate it after. I listened to way too much crap, and it takes me into that anger place, which is so uncomfortable anymore. It had its place in my recovery, but now I don't want it anymore.

I guess free is an inside job, but I got lulled into thinking this divorce and child custody stuff was smoothing over, and the exwn just decided to turn up the heat, and I blew it by reacting. "Oh, ok," might have been the right response by me, but I didn't go that way. I got pissed, and I could hear in her voice delight and glee...wtf...She cheated on me, d and d'd me, and still wants to fuck with me now...Narcs, they make it difficult to live without them.


Aug 5 - 8PM
Deidre40's picture

Unreal. I'm sorry, DS. What

Unreal. I'm sorry, DS. What she wanted was for you to know she ran up her minutes because she was talking to her bf. Grow up already, you know? I can't believe how they all...male, female, chimpanzee...they all act alike. I would not talk with her more than you have to...email? Can you email?
Jul 31 - 6AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


That's a good one. I bet she is really proud of herself for coming up with it. It's certainly not foolproof, though. I don't know if it's the same everywhere but where I live cell phone companies are getting really competitive and they almost all offer unlimited everything for $40.00-$50.00/mo. Maybe it would be worth it to you to invest in the cost to not have to hear from her. That would be my personal choice. She sucks monkey butts! (Sorry, had to say it.)
Jul 26 - 11AM
jackguy's picture

always up to something

Sorry you have this aggravation done sourcing. Is the email option any use? Can you tell her it's email or nothing?
Jul 26 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Now I'm getting late night

Now I'm getting late night calls from a "private number", never happened before. I'm being tested for resolve, and I will prevail. Email is an option, and I will use it when I need to communicate. Thanks for the support and thoughts! ds
Jul 26 - 4AM
Reddley's picture

What a greedy bitch. She's

What a greedy bitch. She's got her new guy for NS and still wanting it from you. I rarely use phones to begin with. I hate them. When I managed, I realized it's usually wise to have a paper trail... Force her to use email to communicate with you or tell her that she can shut the fuck about whatever is making her pussy hurt at that particular moment. It's not like you aren't giving her options here. Email or nothing. Her choice. :) You have legitimate reasons too. Legal ones. To do with your children. If she doesn't like that, she can always start talking directly to a lawyer and never get to communicate with you at all. Just a thought ;)
Jul 25 - 7PM
Hunter's picture

Done sourcing

Next time she pushes your buttons come here first! Hunter is evil and some of the others love to play narc games! What you should have done was said, great, ok ,no problem, then every time she calls let it go to voicemail! Make sure she has a special call name on your Phone like Vampire. When the call goes to VM let her call 2 or 3 times before you respond, you just simply didn't hear the phone! Haha, now who's in control. Hunter
Jul 25 - 1PM
sara-smile's picture

Done Sourcing

Argh!!! Another way to control things! Don't beat yourself up about getting mad! It happens and especially when dealing with the sick and twisted! Let it go and ignore her crap from now on! What about emailing? Does she have email? Work on finding a way around her. That'll piss her off! :) Hugs to you!!! Sara
Jul 25 - 12PM
Sparrow's picture

Can't she get unlimited

Can't she get unlimited minutes and texting? Maybe she would if you were willing to pay theat portion? Is that something that you would be willing to do? May be worth it. Smile
Jul 25 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
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It's about the taking back of

It's about the taking back of control. Her perception is now I have to talk to her directly, which gives her power. I knew immediately it wasn't about the money! It's about a Narc looking for power and control and an opportunity for supply. She uses opportunity, and the 50/50 custody gives her access. ds
Jul 25 - 12PM
adoette's picture

done sourcing

DS, I think you would've had to been drinking some pretty potent superpower drink this morning to have been able to not react the way you did. She is yanking back control (...for whatever reason. Cost? I think not. But whatever.) when you were making progress via texting. Let me be the first to say that your reaction was totally understandable and that it sucks that she doesn't have texting anymore. Ugh. Don't kick yourself for responding the way you did. Now you just have to figure out how to go forth from here. I don't think you got lulled into thinking the divorce and custody stuff was smoothing over. I think you were indeed finding ways to make it go more smoothly, but now you have to regroup and do that again with new strategies. Which you will. You will. And all she will ever be is this (view at your own risk): http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100221223806/monsterhunter/images/2/2b/Evil_smile.jpg Hang in there. Adoette
Jul 25 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Creepy darkness with need for

Creepy darkness with need for some thorough orthodontia, I viewed at my own risk! Thanks for the kind thoughts. ds