I got caught by contact

I got caught by contact, it happened a few days ago. The exwn calls me while I am sitting on the couch with our child, knowing the exwn is coming by soon to pickup our kid, as we share custody and her days start that afternoon. When I answer she tells me that she has cancelled her texting feature on her phone. I react, as it angers me (fear) that I can't communicate throught texting anymore. I get overwhelmed immediately knowing that this means we have to talk, and I have worked so hard on limiting contact. I hate this so much!

I called her back later when out of earshot from my kid, and let her know how I thought it was insane to not be able to text, and she said her bill was too high, that she spent too much on overages because of talking to her bf, and that she increased her minutes and that that cost money, so she cancelled texting to help with the cost. BULLSHIT. She got her supply from me, I got pissed, because texting has worked so well for me...it made it possible to navigate through visitation without talking, because when we talk she continues the dance of death, and sometimes I play, and I always hate it after. I listened to way too much crap, and it takes me into that anger place, which is so uncomfortable anymore. It had its place in my recovery, but now I don't want it anymore.

I guess free is an inside job, but I got lulled into thinking this divorce and child custody stuff was smoothing over, and the exwn just decided to turn up the heat, and I blew it by reacting. "Oh, ok," might have been the right response by me, but I didn't go that way. I got pissed, and I could hear in her voice delight and glee...wtf...She cheated on me, d and d'd me, and still wants to fuck with me now...Narcs, they make it difficult to live without them.

ds