I guess I am dead to him.

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#1 May 16 - 9AM
sunny 523
sunny 523's picture

I guess I am dead to him.

He doesn't even think enough of me to contact me after the email I wrote him the other day. I suppose I have become "the enemy."

NEVER BREAK NC, ladies. It really isn't worth it.

:(

Mer

May 16 - 5PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

If I'm

If I'm not dead to him he sure is dead to me!

victimnomore

May 16 - 4PM
desperatelyseek...
desperatelyseekingsolace's picture

I felt the same today, and caved!! Help!

Arrgh, I WORK with mine. And it's a nonstop cycle of despair and insanity no matter what I do. The problem is he's on the premises and so no contact is pretty much impossible. And so, when he's in the mood to be icy to me and ignore me, the pain drives me bonkos. The problem is, it's impossible to predict which way he will act, and it keeps me on the edge. One week, he will act like he cares, and flirt with me, and make me feel pretty, and ask me to go for a walk with him. So finally I am lured back into a place where I feel safe to try and be friends. Then suddenly, no contact. He won't even look at me or smile at me when I try to say hello or make him laugh. Me, whose used to be the most CAPTIVATING creature on earth! I say nice things to him, he either gives no response or throws it back in my face. So finally today I called him on it, but in a pathetic way..."what's going on, did i do something wrong? i'm sorry if i did" Yes, I APOLOGIZED FOR DOING NOTHING. And true to narc form, he tried to make me feel crazy for stating plain facts and trying to resolve them. "don't know where this is coming from, i'm just busy" BULLSHIT. If there's one thing I know about this guy, it's that when he wants something, neither heaven nor earth can keep him away. More pathetically, I apologized for upsetting him with the question, and said it's only because he means a lot to me. To that warm and caring statement, I got NO RESPONSE. Finally when I prodded him "OK. No problem" HOLY SHIT!! How did I let him do this to me AGAIN?? How in the world can he say I'm imagining things, when he used to "PRAY" -- yes, pray -- for me to come back to him because I am soo special to him and the only one who understands him and blah blah blah. Now he's an iceberg and I'm supposed to not notice?? Maybe b/c his 1-year wedding anniversary is coming up, he's decided to ignore the woman he cheated with for 5 months before his wedding. In an attempt to convince himself that he's a good guy living a respectable life. Not a liar and a cheat. And so I came home IN TEARS. For like the billionth time. If I could have a new job and walk out tomorrow, God knows I would. But a new job is so hard to find! All I could think to do was come on here and vent, sorry for how long it was! Love to everyone --
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #21)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Desperate

Read my buddy system post. Do it. This shit need to stop. Also not believe in the early stages NC is 100 % the best idea. You saw his true BS again. Its Insanity. Get it? He's Nuts! Now go back to NC Hunter
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

desperately seeking

I am so sorry that you work with your Narc. It's nothing but pain and HELL everyday! Read some of my posts and maybe that will help. Mine just sucked me back into to talking to him again after I was doing so good with NC!! They are evil bastards. Your best bet is to stay the hell away from him! Ignore him and don't worry about what mood he's in. It will make you nuts. I'm learning that the hard way. Read some posts by Exhausted too. She has a terrible time with her Narc at work too. Being in a relationship with a Narc is hard enough but when you have to see them day in and out is like pouring alcohol on open sores. Ignore him, stay away from and NC! Good luck!!! HUGS!
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
desperatelyseek...
desperatelyseekingsolace's picture

thanks guys

It's such a blessing to find people who actually understand... my poor friends are all sick to DEATH of hearing my shit and don't understand why I can't just move on. Uh..because he's right in my face and he sucked my soul up like a vacuum cleaner! Hunter you summed it up well, this shit does need to stop. This place IS my buddy system. But I do have friends at work who know the situation and send me angry texts when they see me talking to N... lol :p
May 16 - 12PM
dudette
dudette's picture

Mer

you should not really be wishing for contact from him.... If you are not on the radar just now, it's actually a good thing. Heal your heart and grow stronger... To be NC and hope he will contact is not really to be NC....it's a state of mind.... Better that than the alternative.... Good luck Dx
May 16 - 12PM
TovaBella
TovaBella's picture

Beautiful Mer569

Beautiful Mer569, We are NEVER dead to them...like other amazing people have told you, they are NOT normal. One of the reasons they never give us REAL closure, is because they try to recycle NS. I've watched my ex-N do it...he feeds ow sick lines of needing space because he could see himself falling for them and he just got out of a divorce. But to contact him if they need someone (aka. to f*ck). It truly is sick. Trust everyone on here, don't respond to him if he responds to you...it feels good to leave him hanging and he doesn't deserve one more nansecond of your time. Hunter's avatar of Charlie is SO right...they are all f*cken nuts! TovaBella
May 16 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

One final thought... the

One final thought... the relatoinship wasn't about you. There is no 'us' with them. It's all about them. So...why would contacting us AFTER the breakup be about us? I just got that, just now! :=) Stay NC. If he reaches out...ignore him. Seriously. Be done with this man. He's a jerk. I don't care all his childhood reasons. You know my story. I lost both of my parents, doesn't give me a license to hurt men. So. Be done with him.
May 16 - 12PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

The takeaway mer is this--if

The takeaway mer is this--if he does reply? It won't because he misses YOU. It will be because he misses something you supplied. That's the tragedy, and the good news...all wrapped up in one. The tragedy is that these types don't feel like normal human beings, but the good news is...knowing THAT? Will help you move past this. My ex gives the silent treatment, but ONLY if he can still watch me online. On that site. I dropped out of view...and he texted me. Insulting me no doubt, but whatever. lol Your ex is very troubled...we have talked about this. He might even have intimacy problems from losing his mom. But...you have to move forward. You won't get the closure you seek. I didn't. None of us here really did. It's time to say ...self, I deserve better than this. Mer...there's a whole beautiful world out there...without these jerks in it. There are like two worlds...life with them, and life without them. And trust me...the latter is so much brighter. I'm seeing it now! {{hugs}} I will be praying you grow in peace with this sooner than later.
May 16 - 11AM
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

Oh no you're not dead to him

Oh no you're not dead to him . He'll be back for more feeding. You need to understand this person is NOT repeat NOT a normal human being! Why are you trying to make him be normal he isn't. He is a person pretending to be someone sane when he really isn't . I can't remember your story and what happened but stop trying to make sense out of nonsense all you're gonna get is more rubbish unless you like to socialize with crazy people. if so the mental ward has alot of men in there who will gladly talk weird and crazy jibberish all day to you. I'm not trying to be hard on you just trying to get you to see this man is not a man he is a spoiled bully who probably has a dinosaur's brain trapped in a man's body. He isn't responding because he knows its getting to you he knows your self esteem now belongs to him. HOW long are you gonna prove him right??? SNAP out if it !
May 16 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

MER569

i just have to say this. AS LONG AS WE HAVE A PULSE WE WONT EVER BE DEAD TO THEMXX
May 16 - 10AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Wanna trade ex narcs, mer? :P

Wanna trade ex narcs, mer? :P
May 16 - 10AM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

being dead to them means no

being dead to them means no more hell, it means healing time & distance will eventually bring peace of mind this is a GOOD thing they don't change so what's the point of contact, just to hear more lies?
May 16 - 10AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

You aren't dead to him. He's

You aren't dead to him. He's dead to himself!!! remember that!!
May 16 - 10AM
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Mer569

The best thing in the world would be if you were dead to him!!! You could move on and live your life and HEAL!!!!! My stupid Narc won't give me any peace. I got sucked in and started talking to the idiot again and it has led to more confusion and chaos! I know it hurts but it's actually a BLESSING that he didn't answer. Move on and HEAL yourself. Hugs! Sara
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

He needs to be dead to her

He needs to be dead to her !!!
May 16 - 9AM
Kiwi2005
Kiwi2005's picture

You're more than ALIVE honey- you actually HAVE feelings =)

Mer, I'm in the same boat with you currently. I was NC for a few days and then he texted me saying Hi Whats up? And I responded- well guess what? Since then he's ignored me, its only been 2 texts later and just a few days. First, Who doesn't love the attention when these guys are running after us? I do, I love it! But here's the thing: better no attention, then attention from a psycho. More than likely he's so busy with his new supply, but guess what she's probably human-they will fight & when they do... you'll get a response or some sort of contact. I hope by then you've read enough stories and you see how truely messed up and ABNORMAL these *things* are =) GOOD LUCK & Don't look, shit happens when you least expect it! Be strong!
May 16 - 9AM
momoya
momoya's picture

going back to the past

Mer, You were doing so well. Move on. Get back to NC and put this in the past - where it belongs.

momoya

May 16 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Mer

Your not dead, youre a victim lost in the desert, baking in the hot sun and thirsty, the vulture is lurking This is more than sad, it's damage to our souls! Make him the road kill not you! Delete, delete,delete, look and Charlie (my avatar) that's what you are dealing with. Is that what you want? Hunter
May 16 - 9AM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

That is what I thought as well....

and then Mr. N recently texted me. There is no closure with these guys and they do tend to try to recycle NS when they can.
May 16 - 9AM
Used
Used's picture

MER569

Dont fret when he is bored or feeling very empty he will reply, i bet my bottom dollar on it.
May 16 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
findingmeagain
findingmeagain's picture

Why even want his lies on a

Why even want his lies on a reply? why wsnt him to put on the mask again and feed her more lies so she can feel better ? she needs to feel better about herself period without that bastard. he shouldn't be dictating her feelings anymore. I'm 3 weeks NC yes i think of him , yes i think of the very few good times. but those bad times still lurk in my head too. I've got kids with him and I still remain NC . Actually I'm afraid to see him or talk to him anymore after that last time.