I have a question for everyone about the Narc RAGE.

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Mar 3 - 7PM (Reply to #15)
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

my narc raged the hardest

my narc raged the hardest when i brought up his mom. as much as he lied, mentally and emotionally abused me, cheated on me, etc - if i brought up his mother, and pointed how his horrible treatment of her, and also how she spoiled him bc she felt guilty about his super abusive father - the narc would go crazy. is there a link between narcs, how they treat women, and their relationships with their mothers? i was so annoyed by the fact that i felt like he wanted me to be his mother. i felt like his mother a lot. and he was my toddler. and he did not respect his own mother by any means - but then again narcs don't respect anybody...
Mar 4 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

He raged when I brought up dear ol' Dad...

The ex-Psych professor's father is a well-known researcher. I've heard him on NPR... both while I was a student and years after, loooong after the D&D. During the final D&D, the ex-P snapped at me when I mentioned his father. It's true the ex-P would snap, "You sound like my mother!" (and I'm young enough to be his daughter)... but he snapped when I asked him about his father. Bringing up HIS FAMILY brought him to the boiling point, as if only HE were supposed to bring them up. I had heard his father on the radio, and the ex-P would talk about how he was SO MUCH better than his father, because he was a philosopher, and his dear ol' Dad was a scientist. The ex-P bragged about how he thought *DEEP THOUGHTS* but his father just went to the lab. He was jealous because I had listened to his father on the radio... and genuinely liked the interview. His father could hold a normal conversation, listen, answer questions... and not throw a fit when being questioned. (Frankly, I wanted to get one of those cheap supermarket paternity tests, or send the pair to Maury Povich) The ex-P would speak admiringly of his father... yet he wanted me to think that he was better than his Dad. He spoke very casually of his parents in class, as Mom and Dad, or Ma and Pa... he was the ONLY professor who mentioned his father by name (and I called him on it after the final D&D, that I had that personal info) "He was my toddler"-The ex-P makes my nephew (who's a toddler) look much EASIER in comparison! A toddler is small, needs help, trying to connect with the world. My nephew is affectionate, shows empathy (he gives my sis her sweater),he LISTENS... my year old nephew has a higher emotional intelligence&"people skills" than the ex-P, IMHO. The ex-P is the *WORST* toddler I've dealt with. He was pushing 40 the last time I saw him... and he was brattier than the kids at the local elementary school! And yes, I told that to his face!
Mar 4 - 2AM (Reply to #17)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

DAZED AND SEEKI-please read

there is a very good book called When he is Married to his Mom, cannot remember the author, but try and get it from the library, I have always maintained his mother played the pivitol role in his views of women, after all mother is usually the primary caregiver from birth to toddler, unless in the rare cases someone else took care of him,His own mother smothered, spoiled, doted on him, according to his brother. He once told me he was afraid of women and mentioned one of his daughters and one of his wives, so what does that tell you, everything!I thin he had a strong love and hate relationship with his mother and once slapped her when he and she were in the basement, his first wife said.
Mar 3 - 7PM (Reply to #16)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

DAZED...

There's got to be mommie issues...I'd put my hands on fire
Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #14)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

staying strong78

It has been very therapeutic talking with you because 2 years ago when he moved away I wrote a letter to him and said perhaps he should revisit his relationship with his mother, that maybe he revisited that onto the 5 signifigant women in his life WOW did I get back a hateful letter, calling me a slut, whore, offering free sex on the internet, right, if you knew me you would double over with laughter, he never even remotely commented on what I said, I hit the bullseye unwittingly!!!
Mar 3 - 2PM
Steph
Steph's picture

The rage I witnessed was

The rage I witnessed was usually passive-aggressive,a contempt in his voice when he spoke to me, belittling comments or "jokes". But the most overt rage I witnessed from him was after we had a mild arguement. He left his place, came back, and I was half asleep on his couch. Now, he could have just went to bed, but he walked over and woke me up and told me to get the "F" out. I'd never seen him so mad. I thought he was on drugs. I kept trying to talk to him but he just got enraged - red face, spit coming out, throwing his hands in the air, pointing his finger in my face, called me stupid etc, banging his clenched fists on the bed...beside where I was sitting....saying "you don't want to see me mad" and then standing in his closet. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to talk him down. Then he pushed me hard into the wall. then he phoned the police on me. The next day, he wanted me to come over and spend the whole day with him. Sorry, rambled there but everytime I think back to that moment and write it down, I see even more how screwed up it was. never want to witness rage again
Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The description of Narc Rage

Now, he could have just went to bed, but he walked over and woke me up and told me to get the "F" out. I'd never seen him so mad. I thought he was on drugs. I note how we all seem to describe the same thing: I thought he was on drugs... That's pretty powerful...smh...
Mar 3 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

Michelle

Your comment reminds me of once I was resting after helping pull weeds in HIS garden, I had just flown back from the east to take care of my mothers funeral and her estate and while resting, he comes to me in the livingroom and in a horrible, hateful, mean voice calls me a lazy pig and to get up and leave his house, unbelievable.
Mar 3 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OWL

I was actually quoting Staying Strong BUT identified with her stating that when they are enraged...it's like they're on DRUGS!!!
Mar 3 - 2PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

When I was unprepared...

The ex-Psych professor would rage at me in freshman lab class after my grandfather died. He'd snap at me, throw fits, the whole shebang... and this was in front of my classmates, NOT the kind of Narc who keeps his nastiness behind closed doors. He raged at me my junior year because I was volunteering at a local elementary school. Needless to say, I ended up telling him my first grade students were well-behaved compared to him. Once, I physically abandoned him while he was raging, in front of his students, walking away, mimicking him, my nose in the air with a superior attitude. Whenever I was happy, he'd snap at me, "Can you be more serious?" I used to go to him, skipping, smiling, telling him I was happy to see him... and I'd get the rage. During the final D&D my senior year, I declared my love. Again, the rage and endless lectures. He'd reduce me to tears... or I'd just be so bored I'd zone out. After I met his long-distance girlfriend, I congratulated him. It was MY way or the highway when it came to closure, as I told him... he raged, claiming personal violation&imposition, the whole privacy violation. He'd rage at me if I were happy. He'd rage at me if I were sad.
Mar 3 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Yes, I saw it

and like you, it took a while before he exposed it to me. And like your experience, once he did and saw my reaction (confusion, fear, disorientation, fear, fear, fear) he used his rages conveniently to deflect from the situation at hand, i.e. I would ASK A QUESTION about WHAT HE HAD BEEN DOING or A LIE I CAUGHT HIM IN and the rage would explode. The disordered one I was involved with is borderline, which I didn't know until two months ago and his rages often included self-abuse which was SO WEIRD and scary and I would be all in a tizzy trying to get him to stop it. He also punched walls, doors, pushed, shoved, more than I care to remember. Later, toward the end, I no longer tried to interfere or stop him. I withdrew into a dead shell. By then he had killed my spirit anyway. Whatever. The rages were to me the most shocking because it took him so long to display it to me. I had been warned by his ex but DIDN'T believe her because he was "so gentle and kind" and she was half-crazed herself from spending many years trying to cage the beast. It really is too sick to even discuss. Well, titta, this has turned into a vent. As far as the rages go, I know the HORROR and will NEVER GO THERE AGAIN. Sincerely (trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning

Mar 3 - 11AM
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

Rage

Rage came in the form of yelling. Lot of finger pointing and yelling "at the sky." He was very passive-agressive.
Mar 3 - 11AM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Hmm...

No, he didn't seem all that aggressive. Then again, it's important to note that we were never actually physically together. It was all mental. ...Ha! Mental. No, he was very gentle about things. Passive-aggressive. My mother's abuse was mental as well. My father was both mentally and physically(non-sexually) abusive. At least, you could see the bruises. It's nuts to feel wound up inside, and have NO outlet for it, but more mental abuse.
Mar 3 - 11AM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Even though

Even though I was one of the one's who was physically abused, there were long periods where there wasn't physical abuse but rage. He would just rage for years before the physical abuse would start up again. My NH would rage if I wanted to talk about our relationship, If he wanted something that I was not willing to give him. I walked on eggshells for 25 years and not always due to physical abuse. He would actually have tantrums and pout like a 2 year old. i swear, unbelievable!

victimnomore