I just want out of my own head!

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#1 Dec 15 - 10AM
michellego
michellego's picture

I just want out of my own head!

Just to avoid confusion later my relationship was same sex but other than that the same as everyone else story. I guess I have only just realised that I was abused. She had me so convinced that I was crazy, jealous, paranoid.....all the time she was with her ns. Time after time we we t through the cycle and time after time it was all my fault she felt she had to go. Looking back all the other signs were there -the temper tantrums over the smallest thing, the inability to accept she was ever wrong (in five years I never heard her say she was wrong about a thing) the constant need for some kind of drama in life and a total lack of empathy..I just didn't see it because to me she was sweet and kind and loved me in spite of being sooo hard to live with, such a freak!!! Now it is a week since I found the letters that confirmed her ns. Letters ful of the same lines she used on me. Now I really do feel like I am crazy. I feel such anger - but guilty for making her leave. I feel like everything was lies -yet sob uncontrollably longing to hear her say "I love you" one more time. I feel robbed of what I thought of as happy memories -yet all I can this k of is the good times. I never ever want to hear from her again -but watch my phone constantly waiting for something I can ignore. I am having panic attacks just wanting to get out of my own head. Any words of support/comfort really needed right now. Thank you all for being here.

Dec 15 - 4PM
Kwitshadie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Comfort

Dec 15 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
michellego
michellego's picture

meltdown

Dec 16 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

I don't know if she is

Dec 15 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
Kwitshadie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

What you saw WAS YOUR OWN REFLECTION AND IT WAS GOOD.