I' m not ok /THE MASK

..I quit sleeping in 2006. I didn't know why. I remember thinking it was menopause and or stress.I now know that my subconscious was telling me that I wasn't safe. Don't close your eyes...stay awake..danger.

I knew my ex was selfish, cold, uncaring and lied about everything...I knew he didn't think and feel like me. Iknew there was something wrong with him. I kept trying to talk with him.He blamed his childhood and acted like he wanted to change... To learn how to care. We were polar opposites. I loved people..he hated everyone. I volunteered my time and skill to those that needed help. He hated me for it. I did it anyway. I loved animals and spent time helping abandoned baby animals survive. He pretended before we were married to love animals too. he later hated my working with animals and sabotaged my work and I lost animals. It took awhile for me to figure out it was him.

I made the mistake of calling him out...I had proof. No more suspecting..I had proof. who could do this? He blamed me...I was always the problem..no matter what I did.

When I found my first proof...it's not me it is HIM..it rocked me...I changed, then and there. I confronted him...he gave an explanation...so innocent an accident. I didn't believe it..he called me crazy. I told him that I just needed to know that he KNEW it was wrong and it wouldn't happen again. He said that I have trust issues and I needed help. I refused to buy it. I peeled off part of his mask and that was the beginning of the end for me.

I see it now...he had to harm and discredit me...I found him out and he couldn't risk anyone finding out the truth about him...and no matter how hard he tried...I knew what I knew..didn't doubt it.

I don't think we should confront these N/P's. I think knowing the truth, educating ourselves and making a plan to get away is the path of least resistance and pain.