I Messed Up In The Worst Way...

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#1 Mar 22 - 9AM
deadenddreamer
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I Messed Up In The Worst Way...

Hi Ladies,
I joined this site over a year ago. I was doing pretty good, the guy I was with not sure if he is an N...long story short. We were together 6 months-I found out he was cheating he gave me excuses and lies and I stayed for a few more months...he would leave for a few days or weeks and always come back. The OW was in basic training so he came back with big promises, he gave me an STD (twice). I finally had NC for 3 months I felt better - dropped of this site, and in September he hoovered hard - he came to my house with lots of promises begging - I told him we could not be together but we did talk several times a week and hung out. Of course things continued on this path he kept trying to make us a couple. In January I moved and changed my number...Really thought things would get better. But no he came back he proposed, told my daughter that he wanted to be a family, made many promises about having changed. But then he decided he was tired of trying. He told me two days ago that I was too good for him and he just couldn't break my heart again because he would have to end his life. That he was a leech and a crow pretending to be an eagle. He said he was saving me from himself and I needed to let him go. He felt he would never be able to make me happy and no matter what I said, I could not change the way he felt.

Now ladies, I don't expect sympathy - I know I am not the victim, I allowed him back in. I simply need to share because first for those who think they can change I don't believe that anymore and second it is so much more painful the second time around. So many more promises and hope...I gave him everything he asked for and he still found a way to break my heart. Like I said I don't know if he is an N he has some characteristics.

He told me this time he would not come back, so I could fully heal and let him go...That is one promise he could keep. He said he will alwasy love me and didn't want to go but it was for the best for both of us. I should not have anxiety when he is texting that he might be cheating I should be able to trust him and show him I am happy. I failed in those areas. I feel like a failure on every level to be quiet honest. Its not a pitty party - I am truly lost I feel like a tornado ripped through my life in just a few months took everything leaving a shell of a person.

I don't expect help, but I don't know how I am going to rebound this time. It hurts so very badly to trust a second time and be left wondering if it was a game or if he wanted to change but couldn't or if the "your too good for me" was just to make himself feel better while leaving.

Right now I just feel very alone and scared. I can not go back to my house because the memories hurt too badly.

Mar 23 - 9AM
NoMoreFreakBoy
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No No No...

Mar 23 - 9AM
deadenddreamer
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One Minute

Mar 22 - 3PM
TruthbeginsToday
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So sorry for the pain of this

Mar 22 - 1PM
Movingforwardnow
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deadenddremer

Mar 22 - 12PM
Journey
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DE Dreamer

Journey on...

Mar 22 - 11AM
IncognitoBurrito
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The list

Mar 22 - 10AM
b-switched
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you didnt mess up

Mar 22 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
talktothehand
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b-switched

Mar 22 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
Froglegs
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"You're looking at someone

Mar 22 - 11AM (Reply to #13)
talktothehand
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Froglegs

Mar 22 - 9AM
Janie53
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Deadenddreamer

Mar 22 - 9AM
spinning
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Alright, DED, it's going to be

spinning

Mar 22 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
deadenddreamer
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Thank You

Mar 22 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Froglegs
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"I did not expect any support

Mar 22 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
spinning
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Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, and

spinning

Mar 22 - 9AM
lessonlearned
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his "you're too good for me"

Mar 22 - 9AM
deadenddreamer
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One more thing...

Mar 22 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Journey
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dreamer...

Journey on...

Mar 22 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Froglegs
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*hug*