I nearly cracked last night...nearly begged him to stay...

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#1 Jul 5 - 3AM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

I nearly cracked last night...nearly begged him to stay...

I nearly cracked and begged him to stay the night...
I am glad that I didnt..
But I nearly did.
I looked at him ALOT....WTF!!! I was even complimenting him...
WTF!
I FORGET SOMETIMES HOW HORRIBLE HE IS!!!
WHY?
It spins me out to get so close to damaging the strengtgh I am step by step building by resisting his charming side, which to be frank, isn't much to speak of, its just a very subtle contrast to his more generally negative, talking at me, about himself-- side.
Its brainwashing beyond brainwashing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while Iwas alone yesterday. I guess I was a little off-side in my own head. Alcohol is not a great tool is it?
ah well...
Keep on keeping on ladies...

Jul 6 - 11AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Vix

Well, the point is you did NOT crack and I'm so happy to hear that. Congrats! You should be very proud of yourself. It must be so unbelievably difficult to have to see him and deal with him. "Resisting his charming side,which to be frank isnt much to speak of,its just a subtle contrast to his negative " This made me laugh too. Hang in there! We're here for you. xoxo
Jul 5 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Just being in close

Just being in close proximity to him will mess with your head. It's not your fault, it's what happens to all of us. Ns are that good. They are more skilled than we could ever be. They will eat you alive and make you like it. VALUE your precious self enough to get away and stay away. He is a Hot Zone, his narcissism is viral and airborne. Hee hee, this is just how *I* imagine it. It's like the story about the man who keeps falling in the hole in the road instead of walking around it. Until we are convinced falling in the hole is really just falling in a hole, we'll keep falling in the hole in hopes of getting SOME scrap of validation from them. They are the ones who taught us to do that. We become puppets on strings. How humiliating :(
Jul 5 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

"They will eat you alive and

"They will eat you alive and make you like it." So sadly and painfully true. What you said about falling in the hole is true too. The concept of NC is great. I see how it works. Yet still sometimes we have to step in the hole a few more times--just to make sure it's sh*# in there and not chocolate-- in order to get there.
Jul 6 - 12AM (Reply to #11)
Steph
Steph's picture

"Yet still sometimes we have

"Yet still sometimes we have to step in the hole a few more times--just to make sure it's sh*# in there and not chocolate" lol! then when we tasted the shit, we thought our taste buds must be mistaken, so went back once more!
Jul 6 - 12AM (Reply to #9)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Love your analogy

trying to discern chocolate from sh#t. And I am like that....need to MAKE SURE i'm doing the right thing after all these years. And I finally figured out that the chocolate really was shit. It gets back to the article someone had that sometimes if you force yourself too early for NC it just makes you obsessed about the N. I know I would have been like that. I needed to really internalize that it is sh#t I'm looking at and then NC becomes very easy to do.
Jul 6 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

I believe that stepping into

I believe that stepping into that hole a few more times, once we become aware of the pathology involved, is the PATHWAY to NC. I do think that for some, going NC prematurely can be detrimental.(I tried it for 2 months. And I felt like death and was abusing meds to try to dull the obsessive thoughts and pain.) I think we have to give ourselves permission to allow our hearts a little time to catch up with our heads and trust that it will happen...as long as you FULLY ACCEPT that he will NEVER change. This is key. No fantasies of it ever being different. ...And THEN give yourself that last shove to clarity, which I do think NC provides.
Jul 5 - 6AM
ewa
ewa's picture

Now is a very good moment

Now is a very good moment for you to go NC after you were complimenting him. Just go NC if you can. And alcohol is not a good idea I agree. I have noticed drinking puts me in the worse mood next day. I would replace alcohol with the bike or swimming pool, or whatever exercise you like it will make you feel better. Hugs
Jul 5 - 5AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

"resisting his charming

"resisting his charming side,which to be frank isnt much to speak of,its just a subtle contrast to his negative " ..this made me laugh this morning . im sorry that you have to see the twit still , i just dont know how i would be if i couldnt go compleat no contact . Big love to you .. Scoop x
Jul 5 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Steph
Steph's picture

that made me laugh too! Glad

that made me laugh too! Glad you didn't crack, Vix! You're strong:) xoxo
Jul 5 - 4AM
stillsinging
stillsinging's picture

I am step by step seeing

I am step by step seeing what mine is and yes there are some good bits. we live in different countries and he has asked me to go and stay with him for a couple of weeks, usually we see each other for a couple of days every few weeks....previously he's said weird things and ignored me a lot of the time when i've stayed with him but i'm wondering whether to go or not, with my new way of seeing him and maybe put myself off him or even see that we could get on if i accept what he is, be strong in myself and have other things to do in the day. we have talked aboaut how we'd get on and how we'd manage it to be different from last time. why would he ask me if he's d@ding? or is this how he'll do it? only i can know and it's hard, if i don't go i will always wonder, if i do go maybe i will have a shit time, maybe i will get bored with him, maybe it will be ok as we do have a lot in common and i need a change of scene. i saw him last week and for the first time i was n't upset by him and did not allow him to get away with stuff so maybe this is working.
Jul 5 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
better off
better off's picture

Why would he ask you?

Why would he ask you? Because he's a narcissist. Quietude doesn't post here anymore, but she took her N boyfriend back several times. He would pursue her, and even asked her to marry him. They were planning their wedding. Then he dumped her right beforehand completely out of the blue. Why would he do that? Because he's a narcissist. Aceonelady was deeply involved with her soulmate in another country. She came all the way to see him and he D&D'd her within 24 hours. Why would he ask her to come here if was going to do that? Because he's a narcissist. Story after story after story here is the SAME story. Instead of asking yourself about him, ask yourself WHY you want to be in a relationship with someone who treats you like shit? Last week was the first time he didn't upset you? It's not worth it, is it? Really? It sounds like you only see him when he comes in town every few weeks... so you have no idea how many women he has or what his real life is like. It's not a pretty picture I imagine. If you went to see him before he and acted weird and ignored you, then I would expect him to act weird and ignore you if you go see him again. Doesn't sound like much of a fun trip to me. Again, what is really in this for you? What kind of relationship is it if you have to accept him for what he is (a narc) and "be strong in yourself" whatever that is supposed to mean? Does that mean not let his criticism and neglect bother you? Criticism and neglect SHOULD bother you. Have you ever talked to a therapist about why you would accept that kind of treatment for yourself?
Jul 5 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
ewa
ewa's picture

If you at least suspect that

If you at least suspect that he is a N please do not go. We talk a lot about NC on this forum. Each day without talking and seeing this people helps, really helps and allows as to concentrate on our life, to start doing what we like, to think about our future. It is not worth it, really! There are normal guys out there and we can miss the occasion to meet one when we will be staying in this sick, toxic relationships!