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I need help....

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#1 Jun 7 - 9AM
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

I need help....

I can't stop cyberstalking the ex! I look to see if he is online on AOL, and sometimes look at his friends FB to see what he posts because his wall is private. I can't stop. I want to stop!! What is it that I need from him. Some days I feel so strong and other days I just crumble from the way he discarded me and never contacted me after I revealed his "DOUBLE LIFE"....
I want to not care and not look!

Jun 9 - 12AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think it's stemming from an obsession

of trying to find 'answers' closure or validation of your thoughts by any means necessary. Evenutally the need will subside as the fog clears. Hugs!
Jun 8 - 4PM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

interested

You are still focused on him so you are interested and you keep looking because you want to. And you will stop when you want to and when it becomes more and more painful or you begin to make crazy assumptions from posts and break NC. It happens to us all. It starts and stops with you.
Jun 7 - 1PM
adoette
adoette's picture

Fight

Oh, how I know how strong the draw can be. Is he blocked on FB? Put up any walls you can. You are not weak for putting up walls to get you through to sanity. Great advice below and tons of solidarity here. If you can't be by the computer or you'll be sucked in, turn it off and walk away. So many moments I sat at the computer grazing for one poison crumb to kill me. I know the feeling well. Hang in there. We've got your back and we are cheering for you. Make your list (wacaet has started one for you) of things to do when you are tempted. Shoot, lying down on the floor is better than checking. It is totally an addiction and it is killing you. Expect withdrawal symptoms and like Hunter said: Fight! Picture yourself as a mighty warrior or goddess or some kind of superhero, cause that's the kind of inner strength it takes to break the habit/addiction. (((strength and hugs 2 u)))
Jun 7 - 1PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

And I like Pizza & Ice cream,

And I like Pizza & Ice cream, in fact I love it! Now my cloths dont fit! So guess what? I eat salad and yogurt! No it's not the same but I prefer a skinny ass to a fat one! Don't you prefer sanity to insanity! You need to fight! Hunter
Jun 7 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

well Hunter...

at least you got me to laugh!
Jun 7 - 11AM
wacaet
wacaet's picture

I had the same problem, until

I had the same problem, until I realized how painful it really was and how it kept hurting me...just try to resist the urge, please keep coming here instead.
Jun 7 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

It makes me angry at myself

I literally can't stop. It is like an addiction or bad habit. I hate myself for doing it.
Jun 7 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

treat it like an

treat it like an addiction the way I quit drinking was just one minute at a time then one hour, then one day (that was 13 years ago) you can do this distract yourself, come here, post something encouraging to someone, post something evil you'd like to say/do to the N, go for a walk, take a bath, go to the gym, pet your cat, do anything/everything you can to resist the urge. I know how strong the urge is, but it's so much easier to recover if you go NC and looking him up is breaking NC (something I didn't realize at first). I had a fake a.f.f. account set up just so I could see how often he logged in. I pulled the plug and deleted it last week. I just don't care anymore
Jun 7 - 10AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I challenge you to go for the

I challenge you to go for the rest of today, without looking. If you succeed...then, go tomorrow morning, without looking. Then, the afternoon. Take this in bite sizes. I am done with that website we belong to, BUT...I do lurk. Sometimes. And all it does is dredge up old memories. Unlike FB, I can't block old messages, posts, etc. People dig them up, and I think it's to stir up drama. I am done logging in. But lurking can be just as painful. So, challenge yourself. And reward yourself when you achieve a mini goal. Lurking will eventually pass. You have to work on developing an I don't care attitude. Over time, once you stop lurking, it will cease to matter to you.
Jun 8 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

I hate myself

I couldn't even commit to the rest of the day ....let alone today!!! :(
Jun 8 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
wacaet
wacaet's picture

would you hate yourself if

would you hate yourself if you had cancer? you have a mental disorder right now, cognitive dissonance is no joke just keep trying, you'll get there
Jun 8 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
trying2heal
trying2heal's picture

thank you

for the moral support... I keep beating myself up :(